Wedding date

I wouldn't say it's selfish, you're entitled to have your wedding when you want to have it. It's just a matter of if it's more important to you to have a 2020 wedding date or have your brother at your wedding. Our original date was in May, but found out that my brother-in-law (sister's husband and a groomsman) is being deployed in March. I immediately starting contacting all of our vendors to reschedule our date. The only thing I'm bummed about is not having a spring wedding like I've always wanted, but having my brother-in-law there is more important to me than that.

There is a strong possibility my FBIL will be deployed again when we get married. He just tripped and is moving duty stations in March so it’s up in the air whether he’ll be able to attend the wedding or not as no one knows what the military will require him to do in a year and a half. We are going along with our plans regardless, and are coming to terms with the fact that he may not be there. It’s disappointing, but I can’t plan a wedding around the whims of the United States Army. If a 2020 date is really important to you, consider seeing if you can set up FaceTime or another form of video sharing so he can still be there. Otherwise, wait until he’s back.

Can you be confident that the date won't change again even if you adjust it now? Because I agree with Erin that at some point, you can't "plan a wedding around the whims of the US Army".

Honestly no one has to be at your wedding. Sadly in the military the dates can kind of come and go so since his dates are changing I would just set a hard day and if he's able to go gray and if not then it is what it is. Honestly even though I think it is great that you want to include family you really should only be setting a date that works for you and your fiance. I feel like you tried to accommodate him but unfortunately that just did not work out due to unforeseen circumstances not your own. I would say you need to have a date locked now because I know even where I live a lot of venues and photographers are already trying to get booked for the fall because that's a popular time to get married. If anything you could always have like a little special party when your brother comes back into town where he could be included. I would say maybe splurge and get a videographer or something so he can at least see the wedding

Not selfish at all. Is he in the Army? I ask because they are notorious for changing the dates back and forth.

View Quoted Comment It is important to me to have my brother there. I mean I could push the wedding to January of 2021. But there is that possibility with everything going on right now, that he won’t be back from deployment in time. With his deployment he is still leaving at the same time, they are changing the end date. So who knows, when it is all said and done, he might be back to coming back in October or beginning of November.

Planning your wedding around the military is ambitious? And probably not possible. The date could change at least twice. You can't move it every time. I'd say pick a date and stick with it. It's not selfish. Its practical.

View Quoted Comment 2020 is important for my fiancé and I to get married. We keep changing the date of our wedding to base it around my brothers deployment. I am tired of calling the vendors and our venue every time we change our wedding date, so my brother can be at the wedding. I really want to elope and have the wedding ceremony and reception at a later time. Pretty much all of my fiancé’s and my family and friends have said if we elope and have a ceremony and reception later, they won’t come to the ceremony and reception, because we eloped.

View Quoted Comment There is not a definite date he is supposed to be back. It is just a vague sometime in December (maybe). It is just a pain to keep changing the date. Because the venue and vendors will start to pull out if I keep changing the date.

View Quoted Comment I am hoping, we might be able to video chat with him on the day of the wedding. There is also a small chance he can get leave for a few days to come back for the wedding.

View Quoted Comment He is in the Navy.

View Quoted Comment I am sticking with the date I choose. I have been changing the date to accommodate my brothers deployment. It is stressful for me to find a date that my venue has opened and my vendors have free.