Wedding Date Schedule Conflicts

No one needs your permission for a wedding date unless you're paying for it.

It's your birthday and her wedding. Sorry the wedding trumps.

While I can understand your annoyance because you tried to be considerate when picking your date, I would let it go.

Can you do a trip to Vegas a month or two later?

I understand why your upset. But if deposits are paid it's too late. If anything you should change your date and make it where and when you want

I can understand your frustration, but ultimately this falls under the category of "let it go". Every wedding falls on someone's birthday and is going to have conflicts somewhere. It was considerate of you to consider his family when making your own wedding plans and I am sorry you ended up with a date and venue you are unhappy with as the result, but not everyone is going to bend over backwards with wedding planning and considering birth dates. Try and move your Vegas trip.

Seriously, it's a birthday. You have one every year. The trip sounds fun, but does it really matter if you do it on the exact date? What does FH think? I'd be annoyed if my husband wanted to avoid my sibling's wedding because it was on his birthday. I mean, I get wanting to celebrate, but the world goes on.

I would let this go. Honestly I wouldn't have consulted my SIL about having a wedding on her birthday because I think when you're an adult your birthday isn't that big of a deal. I'm 31 so I get that 30 is a milestone but I don't think a birthday trumps a wedding. It involves planning around a lot more people than just you. Your 30th birthday weekend could be moved to another weekend.

I feel ya...we were making plans for my bachelorette party in Vegas. We were going to go during spring break. I let my FSIL, who is also engaged know about the plans and she was "excited" about it and said it would be "fun". Then later that same week she finally set her date for her wedding, spring break and a destination wedding. I was very upset that she would do that to me. You don't go and make plans for something when you know plans already exist.

I totally get your frustration but a wedding is more important than a birthday. You can always do your birthday before/after, it doesn't have to be on the exact day. For "giving up the wedding you wanted for his family", if you didn't want to do that you shouldn't have, therefore don't complain about it because ultimately it was your choice to pick the day/place. Its okay to not attend her wedding but be prepared to have issues with that especially if its because you missed due to your bday. Also, don't ask for them to change their date. That's extremely rude.

Don't bring it up and don't ask them to change the date. Just have your birthday trip at a different time. It will still be in honor of your birthday, just not on the exact date/weekend.

I'm sorry that she is getting married on your birthday but they don't have to ask permission to plan their wedding. I would not ask them to move it or bring it up. If you chose not to go then that is up to you but keep in mind that will be creating a lot of drama with your new family. I know it won't be the same but is there another weekend around your birthday that you could go to Vegas?

I get the frustration but honestly what's done is done. They've paid the deposit. I'd be more upset about the fact that you took the time to try and accommodate everyone else and they didn't do the same for you. Not that it's required for them to do so since you aren't paying for their wedding, but it would have been nice for them to show the same respect that you showed them. I wouldn't bring this up with them. If they've paid the deposit, their date is secured. It's likely just going to cause arguments and drama/stress. You can choose to not attend if you want, you're an adult who can make their own decisions. Just keep in mind that if you choose to not attend the wedding to go Vegas for your birthday, you're probably going to offend your SIL majorly. I would feel so hurt if either of FH's siblings didn't attend our wedding for a birthday bash.

1. Wedding trumps birthday

2. You don't get input on a wedding date unless you're paying for that wedding

3. You gave your family members TOO much input on your wedding date

So, OP, I'm going to agree with you that it was a shitty thing for her to do. We always advise brides to run the date past VIPs and siblings count as VIPs in my book.

That said, she did what she did. I wouldn't skip her wedding because that's just going to lead to a lot of resentment on her part and possibly on the part of your FH in future years when he realizes he missed his sister's wedding and what a monumental thing that is. Can you take your Vegas trip the week after? Maybe take a few days off work and leave for Vegas immediately after the wedding?

I would talk to her see what happens can you go away the next day or that night after the wedding if the wedding is early

Yup. Shitty of her and you Def bent way over backward consulting with them for your wedding date. I'm assuming that if you had been talking about Vegas that she knew the date was your bday.

You will have to be the bigger person here. I do know that you can reschedule your trip, maybe go the day after and you can go to the wedding..who knows maybe that was the only date that venue had left and she felt pressured to take it.

Woosa and be the bigger person

I could not possibly agree with @Elizabeth more! That really was a shitty thing for her to do. You bent over backwards to accommodate people important to you and FH and you were not shown that same courtesy by those same people. It sucks and it hurts and take tonight to be upset because your feelings are valid. But unfortunately if the deposit is paid then there is not much that can be done now. I would take the trip as soon after the wedding as possible and enjoy myself with a HUUUUGE cocktail!

Ty all for your quick responses! typing like tarzan to fit into character limits, so think some nuance was lost. hubby & i are already married. this is his sister who made him feel like a bad son & brother for even considering having our wedding at the date/location we wanted, b/c it conflicted with a trip his mother was planning. so we changed it under all the pressure & guilt trips. the problem isn't my bday in & of itself, but the hypocrisy behind the situation. hubby more upset than me, feeling like family disregards his feelings while demanding so much from him when it comes to their own needs. can cancel bday plans & wait for next year (even tho they refused to do same), but was hoping to find some compromise that leaves everyone feeling like their needs are acknowledged equally. if we just go and don't say anything the bad feelings fester. think we'll have to just talk it out w/o brining any solutions to the table unfortunately. time heals.

I get it. I planned by 30th birthday way in advance too. I think its a bit shitty that they didn't talk to everyone in the immediate family about the date before putting down a deposit. I told everyone in my family and my closest friends to make sure they could attend. At this point I would refer to your husband. Since its his sister he should decide if it's worth offering to pay a new deposit for another date. if he says to drop it, I would drop it and plan the Vegas trip the weekend before or after.

Double post

You set your date. If other people have functions, that is too bad. " This is our wedding. We'd love to have you there but if you have a dentist appointment, that is your issue. I'll be happy to email you lotsa pics."