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Beth
Just Said Yes September 2020

Wedding crasher invites

Beth, on June 17, 2019 at 9:22 AM Posted in Community Conversations 0 14
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So I'm having a really hard time with my guest list because my fiance's family is so huge that a lot of my friends and co workers are not able to be invited to the wedding. And mind you these are people that are important to me and some of them have brought up wanting to go and I've had to tell them that unfortunately they can't be invited because of the guest list limit. A few of them responded by making a joke that they will just come and crash it. And I was thinking that that maybe a great idea. The only problem is the number of people that we can fit at each table for dinner but there's no reason that people can't come after dinner and dance and drink and have the late-night snack. So I was thinking about having a separate invitation for those people and having it be "Will You Be Our Wedding Crashers". And this invitation will explain the situation and the fact that I know that it's tacky and that we don't want gifts from them but we just want them to come and party with us ... what do you think about that?

14 Comments

Latest activity by Alli, on June 18, 2019 at 1:48 PM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    No. Your venue's capacity is for the entire event, not just dinner. This sounds like you're just trying to get away with not having to feed them which, like you said, is tacky.

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  • Selena
    Super September 2019
    Selena ·
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    Ok I think firstly you need to evaluate your FH side of your guest list. If these people are important to you, maybe those cousins FH hasn't seen in 10 years are less important.

    Secondly, this is a know your crowd call. If your friend understand the limitations of your wedding, but would like to be involved in dancing and drinks, awesome! If you think they would be offended then don't. But it seems like you have the understanding. type of friends.
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  • Selena
    Super September 2019
    Selena ·
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    She didn't say venue capacity was the issue here.
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    She mentioned a guest limit and not having enough seating for everyone at dinner. To me, that means venue capacity, but I suppose it could be something else. Either way, that means there's not a seat for each person which should be a necessity, even if they aren't invited to dinner.

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  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB ·
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    This sounds like a way to have extra guests without having to actually host them. Don't do this, it's rude. Just host the amount of people you can afford and leave it at that.

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  • Beth
    Just Said Yes September 2020
    Beth ·
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    To add some details we are having a very casual outdoor barn wedding with buffet food and self seating. Alot of my family is older and will leave after dinner. The co workers I would invite are very laid back and I could have a very understanding conversation with before hand.
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  • Natalia
    Expert October 2020
    Natalia ·
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    I would just talk with your FH to hash this situation out. If they mean so much to you, you should be able to have them attend your wedding. Just like Selena said, perhaps those cousins are not as important as people you actually want at your wedding.

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  • October2019
    Dedicated October 2019
    October2019 ·
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    Sounds like a great idea! I have a huge family seven siblings alone and they all have a plus one. This doesn't even include other close relatives. So I have friends and family that I would like to come but they won't be able to come to the ceremony. I might use your idea and have them come to the reception. If you know your friends and know they won't be offended by you inviting them this way it sounds awesome.
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  • Bridget
    Devoted October 2019
    Bridget ·
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    I would worry about the venue and the bar pricing. If you are providing the alcohol or are paying per drink hey if they’re not offended why not. If through the venue you’re paying per head for open bar they could be counting and keeping track- plus what if the venue stops them and turns them away as crashers..
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    This. Our venue will actually shut our entire wedding down if it appears like a bunch of extra or new guests we haven’t paid for have joined our party.
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  • Allie
    Master August 2019
    Allie ·
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    I agree. Even if they aren't eating dinner, your venue/bar may consider otherwise and charge you for those extra people. I think this idea is really rude. You should talk to your FH about either increasing the guest list so you can invite who is important to you, or getting him to compromise and not invite so much of his family so the guest list is more even.

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  • Courtney
    Master December 2019
    Courtney ·
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    While that does sound like fun, you may need to consider a few things here first. Can you trim your FHs side of the guest list? Can you remove kids and plus ones?

    Also, you venue may not a appreciate a bunch of people showing up at the end of the evening. Maybe let those know that there's an open invitation at a local bar after the reception.

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  • Isabella
    Dedicated June 2020
    Isabella ·
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    I definitely agree that you should check with your venue first. If you’re doing late night snacks and an open bar, places usually charge per person and if they notice a lot of new people you could get charged for them.
    Personally I wouldn’t do it though, I think it seems tacky and rude to invite someone just for drinks and snacks. If these people mean that much to you they’ll want to be at the ceremony too...
    like someone suggested, can you talk to your FH about his list? Mine also has a large family but we talked about cutting out people who he has no relationship with/hasn’t seen in years/children of first and second cousins and it can definitely help trim the list
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  • Alli
    Devoted October 2020
    Alli ·
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    If tables are really the only issue, why not get more tables and chairs and invite everyone?

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