Wedding Compromises

Couples counseling. He’s right about this causing resentment, you two are going to have a lot more to compromise on in your lives, if you can’t BOTH compromise even for your wedding, you need to nip this in the bud now. I don’t think he’s being fair but I think he sees how unfair he’s being.
Couples couseling isn’t a stigma, it’s not a sign your relationship is failing or anything, but it will give you the tools you need to treat each other fairly so you both can be happy.

^ botched that reply! I DON’T think he sees how unfair he’s being.

I asked my husband what're his must haves for the wedding and I worked with that. He refused to not have a boba bar and I wanted to cancel it for the reception because it was just too much to deal with but since he didn't want it canceled completely I moved it to the ceremony where we had a cocktail hour after. Much less people there and much smaller scale to deal with. Things like that for instance is compromise and making it work. So maybe look at what he really insists on having and see if there's a way to do it within the capacity you want and vice versa. Working together.

Tell him exactly what you just told us. Wedding planning is a great time to work on communication, compromise, and problem solving. Tell him to pick the things that are important to him and you pick what’s most important to you. If any of those things overlap, come to a compromise. If you sacrifice something you want, like an adults only event, he should give in on something else, like the catering. If it’s something that’s only important to one of you and not so much the other, that person can handle that aspect.

It sounds like it's a little too late on the resentment thing. You should sit him down and be honest you need him to start compromising or you're not be able to say you're not feeling resentful. Ask him what is ACTUALLY important to him and to write it down, it should be 3-5 things. Go over it, see if you agree with anything. If you can show you do agree on somethings it'll be easier for him to understand he's getting what he wants and that what you want to change isn't a big deal. Remind him it's both of your day, you're both getting married, and your both paying for it, you both should be able to enjoy it

Why are you doing the planning at all, when he's the one wanting the bigger wedding? It's not as if you enjoy the planning. Seems to me the "compromise" is that he gets the bigger wedding, but does the planning. And that means that he has to make the decision to cut things in order to deal with the finances.

I would sit down & tell him what you told us. Their is a fair amount of compromising for our wedding. I wanted a low key destination wedding, he wanted a local wedding. We are doing a local wedding. I wanted a Friday night wedding to keep costs down he wanted a Saturday wedding so that it would be easier for his family to travel to & his co-workers to attend, we are doing Saturday afternoon. I wanted plum & lavender wedding colors he preferred orange. We are having plum & lavender & I pretty much have override authority on any decoration, favor, color, etc. So far I think that we both feel very good about our wedding, it’s very much a mashup of both of us.

The way you wanted your wedding, is exactly the way I wanted it. My fiance told me, before we got engaged, that he really wanted his parents and brother there. My parents are divorced so I dont see a reason for a big wedding. Well I comprise and were having a small wedding. We are only inviting 48 people and I'm thinking of inviting less lol. I'm okay with that. But you just have to remember it's just a day. You wont remember what happen but how happy you were to marry your best friend. But i so think you need to talk to him. Remind him that a wedding is for both of you and not a family reunion. That people just want something to post on social media. Talk to him. Like really talk to him. I dont think he thinks your serious and will change your mind.

Make a list of all the things you have decided already.

Note on each thing who compromised.

Make a list of all the things you need to decide.

Leave a space to note who compromised.

Show it to him.

And then go to couple's counseling, because it sounds like he pays lip service to understanding what you want, but can't manage to actually do something about it.

So while my FH and myself aren't really disagreeing on wedding aspects it's certainly been a struggle about the honeymoon. I am excited to marry him and obviously love him but he's super stubborn to the point where I think it's unfair on his views about a honeymoon/vacations in general. We just went to italy with my family in June and it seemed he had a fine time so I don't understand it. He says he hates looking like a tourist and doing touristy things. I said well what activities would you want to do on a honeymoon? Snorkeling, horseback riding, some sort of hiking, etc? He said nothing he wants to just sit there. I am trying really hard to see his side, but it doesn't make sense to me. I wasn't aware I had to spend the rest of my life never going on vacations because he wants to act like a turd about it... He angrily said I can book whatever I want and he probably won't enjoy it; I said no thank you because that's not a compromise at all. I don't agree with anyone who says "go to couple's counseling" um sorry at what cost? We already have expenses for a wedding to take care of on top of a house/animals/vehicles. I think it's important to just keep trying to sit down and talk with them to somehow meet in the middle. I would discuss the compromises you have made thus far and speak up about what you would like. Not having a videographer is really not a huge deal if you have a great photographer, nor is having a picture on the STD.