Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

VIP June 2018

“wedding celebration dinner”

Lindsey, on June 25, 2018 at 5:05 PM Posted in Planning 0 10

Saved

Flag
Hide content

My friend is getting married in October and we wanted to do a shower for her but her mom is legit out of control: her momsays she won’t go if it’s not at her house but complains about every little thing as we try and it leads us in circles. Her sister is dramatic about every last thing and ends up complaining about things to her mom, which her mom ends up yelling at the bride. Her mom and sister keep complaining about money and saying they should fit 40 people in a small pool room and do potluck. No decor and no other food
We have a meeting Thursday to talk face to face bridesmaids only, and I was thinking about just having a dinner at her favorite restraint and getting a cake and saying gifts optional. People will know to pay their plate and can be about 10-15 people
She’s planning this wedding in 4 months and she’s going pretty untraditional, she said she said she’s fine without a shower because it’s adding too much stress due to her mom blowing up and counting every penny the bride spends ( she’s paying herself ! ) today her dad called David’s bridal and bought her dress ( $200) and her mom found out on the way home and said “if dad is gonna pay for you can can do everything then “ she asked her mom to go with us and she refused
i want to do something nice and I think a dinner will be causal but special to have one thing everyone together before the wedding.
any ideas?

Flag
Hide content

10 Comments

Latest activity by Time2Shine, on June 25, 2018 at 10:13 PM

Champion June 2018
muriel · on June 25, 2018 at 5:15 PM
Flag

Hide content
I think your intentions are good, but you really can't invite people to a dinner, then tell them they pay for their own meal. If you are hosting, you pick up the tab. "Gifts optional" can be really uncomfortable for guests too. It's either a shower or it's not.
If the BM's want to host a shower, I suggest you just plan it without the mother. People who threaten not to attend, to get their own way, sometimes need to be called on their bluff. Just tell her you have decided to go in a different direction.
Do one of you have a space where you can hold a simple shower, early afternoon with light refreshments or maybe a brunch on the weekend? Can you use a family member's home? If you can narrow the guest list down to 10-15 for a dinner, you can do the same for a shower, which would make it manageable in almost anyone's home.
- Reply
Super October 2019
Jenna · on June 25, 2018 at 5:19 PM
Flag

Hide content
I agree with PP. If her mom chooses not to attend, that only reflects on her and not on anyone else. Plan the event you think she would like and her mom can choose to be there or not. Also, I would agree that if you do it at a restaurant, some people will think the meal is hosted (because it really should be for this type of event). Hopefully you can have it somewhere beside her mother's house.
- Reply
Devoted August 2018
Melissa · on June 25, 2018 at 5:20 PM
Flag

Hide content
Are the bridesmaids willing to contribute financially? I just had my shower this weekend and I thought what they did for me was very nice and I don’t think over the top expensive. They rented an air bnb for the weekend so hey had a nice clean space. Ten girls showed up. They had it from 2-4 so there was no need for a ton of food. They had some appetizers and desserts. To drink a few bottles of champagne and a box of Rose. They hung a few decorations and had some flowers. We spent most of the time just chatting and eating/drinking then played a couple games and opened gifts.

I feel like fully hosting something but keeping the cost down by having it at a non meal time would be better than inviting everyone to a dinner where they have to pay.

I know there’s a lot of drama around her mother and sister but honestly If you guys just want to do something nice for her and are willing to chip in you could plan something separate.
- Reply
VIP May 2018
Red Queen · on June 25, 2018 at 6:07 PM
Flag

Hide content
People will never be expecting to pay for their plate at a hosted event, sorry. The expectation is that the host pays.
Also, a shower is for gifts; if she doesn't want gifts then call it something else, not a shower.
I agree, have the bridal party chip in and do something small and casual at a non meal time and just serve snacks and nonalcoholic beverages. A shower doesn't have to be pricey.
- Reply
VIP June 2018
Lindsey · on June 25, 2018 at 6:53 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
There’s only four bms, one being her sister
the only people that would be at the dinner would be the bm, mother and mother of bride and her sisters, and a few close women so we would let them know that it’s pay for your plate.
We can’t do anything because her mom would flip if we did
like I said, we wouldn’t call it a shower if we did a dinner with limited guests
- Reply
VIP June 2018
Lindsey · on June 25, 2018 at 6:59 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
The shower would have to be 40 people,
per her moms wishes.
Her mom has gone weeks without talking to her for lesser disagreements.
if we go against her she will probably never talk to us again.
- Reply
Master July 2017
Going to the chapel · on June 25, 2018 at 7:07 PM
Flag

Hide content
Call off the shower. This sounds like a mess no matter what you do. Concentrate instead on a bachelorette and have you and one other BM do all the planning/hosting. That keeps the sister BM out of the loop and the mom out of the loop.
- Reply
Champion June 2018
muriel · on June 25, 2018 at 7:35 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment

And that would be a loss because????
- Reply
Super May 2010
Officiallymrs · on June 25, 2018 at 8:25 PM
Flag

Hide content
If you’re going to give her a shower give her an actual shower .. I would be prettt embarassed if my bridal party invited people to something in my honor and then told the guests they had to pay for their meals .. to the point where I would probably pay or call my FH and tell him to call and pay over the phone if I’m being honest.. plan a shower at someone’s house and invite who you think the bride would want there.. don’t include her mother and send her an invitation as you would with any other guest.
- Reply

Devoted September 2019
Time2Shine · on June 25, 2018 at 10:13 PM
Flag

Hide content
From the situation described, it sounds like the bride needs more stress relief than the shower. Maybe the bridesmaids can treat her to a pamper day instead of the shower. It will let her clear her head, and slip away from the family drama.
- Reply