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Just Said Yes April 2022

Wedding Cards & Gifts

Seosamh, on April 24, 2022 at 8:54 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 8

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Hey All,

My wife and I got married in 2020 (registry office) but only had our “wedding” 3 weeks ago following 3 x Covid restriction related postponements.
We had a great day, and it all went very smoothly which was brilliant!
It’s just something is playing on my mind a little post wedding, and I just am looking for verification I guess.
So I saved for years and paid for everything for our day, literally, and received no contributions from any part of either family which is absolutely fine as had never presumed anyone was to contribute anyway.
But the thing that’s getting to me a bit is that we haven’t received any gift or even a token card from my wife’s parents yet, in-fact I even got stung with my father-in laws suit rental and 50% of his accommodation fee’s.
Added to this, one of my wife’s bridesmaids (my wife’s sister) went out and got Covid the weekend before the wedding, and infected two of her other sisters who were guests, and then none of the 3 even sent us a card or anything either.
My question is, do you think I am justified in feeling somewhat annoyed by this? or am I being too over sensitive and should just chalk it up to people being people.?
I know everyone has different financial situations, and it’s not like we are expecting gifts, but to not even get a card seems like maybe they are being disrespectful towards us.
I’m confident next time I see them it will be in the forefront of my mind either way.
TIA

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Paige, on April 25, 2022 at 10:40 AM

Devoted April 2023
Lucy · on April 24, 2022 at 9:28 AM
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The fact no one sent a card is not a big deal since they showed up, this is better than the opposite: sending a gift or card and not showing up/ RSVPing no.
As for the 3 who got covid the week before: in thid situation, my fiance and I would have sent a card and maybe a gift in addition , depending on how close we are to the bride/groom/both. But saying the 3 sis were disrespectful... no sir. They may think that sending a card is as optional as a gift or money, which is true. It doesn't mean they love you any less, they no longer support your relationship and marriage, even though I can see why it hurts. I probably would, but I would never make it a big deal.
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Super May 2022
Sloane · on April 24, 2022 at 11:26 AM
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Yes I feel your pain and can see why you are hurt. But I have learned through this process of planning that some people don’t have the same commitment to etiquette as others. Sure this hurts but this would be the least of my worries.
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Jm Sunshine · on April 24, 2022 at 12:09 PM
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Did they acknowledge your real wedding in 2020 with a card or anything.?
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Just Said Yes April 2022
Seosamh · on April 24, 2022 at 1:18 PM
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Thanks for the reply and perspective.
Appreciated!
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Just Said Yes April 2022
Seosamh · on April 24, 2022 at 1:24 PM
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Thanks for the response!
Nope I don’t believe they did, but as Sloane and Lucy stated it’s just people having varying levels of etiquette, so I won’t take offence.

Main thing is we had a great day, and thanks again for all the responses and perspective.
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Just Said Yes April 2022
Seosamh · on April 24, 2022 at 1:29 PM
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Thanks a mil
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on April 24, 2022 at 2:18 PM
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Cards and gifts are always optional, and those who choose to give them have up to a year after the wedding to give them. It’s also possible that they see the day you signed the legal paperwork as the real wedding day, as many do and don’t place the same value on the renewal because you already had the wedding on the original day in 2020. It’s not disrespectful on their end but you can feel whatever you want.
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VIP October 2022
Paige · on April 25, 2022 at 10:40 AM
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I think you're right to feel miffed about it since you had to cover the costs, including for things like suits and accommodations that don't typically require the couple to foot the bill, but as others have said, some people just have different ideas of what is polite/ expected. Your best move is probably to try not to dwell on it too long. Forgive and forget. Glad your wedding was a great time otherwise
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