Wedding Attire - Mother of the Bride

You really should not tell them what colors to wear. But if someone is asking, you might just share what colors the wedding party will wear. Beyond that general guideline, maybe a mid blue so that some cool tones are added or a light violet.

Traditionally, the couple does not dictate what the mothers and grandmothers wear. They usually just choose anything that they feel comfortable and confident in

Mothers and other adult guests should not be told what to wear. Let them pick what they want.

Agreed. You have no proper authority over what the mothers or the grandmothers wear. Sometimes people decide on their own that they want to coordinate with family members for photos etc but that is not your call. They are either special guests and sometimes hosts, not members of the bridal party.

Hi everyone, thanks for stating your opinion! This is my wedding, and all of these people have asked me what I would like for them to wear, or if there is a color I’d like. I would prefer for all of these people to compliment wedding photos- not just whatever they please. Please stick to answering questions on this site- I am thankfully versed in etiquette!

View Quoted Comment The responses you have received are informing what proper etiquette is. Telling anyone beyond the bridesmaids and groomsmen what they should wear, or specific colors you prefer, is not good etiquette, even if it is a popular belief. On an etiquette forum, you are receiving etiquette related responses that are dependent on individual social circles, many of which overlap and share the same accepted polite norms.

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Unfortunately, "whatever you please" is the only appropriate answer to their question and to yours. If they want to complement one another or your wedding colors that's up to them. But it should not come as a request from you.

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I have tried to give a few colors to help on the premise that some family were interested in some complementary colors. Maybe a light gray and blue could also work.

I totally agree and understand this! my sister in law asked my mom and her mother to wear a specific color to blend well with pictures and no one would look crazy or tacky in the photos. I told my mom and future mil to please send me a picture of the dress before purchasing. It’s not rude or being bridezilla. This is YOUR day, don’t listen to these traditional Teresa’s!!!

Also to add, we are asking our guest to wear a specific color as this is a formal event and not just any wedding anyone can come to. If I’m paying and inviting you then please adhere to what the Save the Date and invite says. I think you’re doing fantastic. ❤️

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To the contrary, good manners is about hospitality, which is about hosting your guests with consideration and courtesy, not burdening or imposing upon them inappropriately. If you are referring to black tie, that is an indication of formality, not a dress code that requests that people wear a specific color. A wedding is by invitation, so by definition it's not an event that "anyone can come to." Attire has nothing to do with it.

View Quoted Comment Considering I did say this was “NOT just any wedding anyone can come to.” As my fiance and I also discussed about having no kids at the wedding because we prefer there not to be same as we prefer our guest to please wear specific shade of color. If you cannot do what is asked, do not go. Don’t think you’re asking too much when there are a lot of other people willing to do what is asked and it is at the end of the day your wedding.

View Quoted Comment There’s nothing wrong with inviting only adults. That’s not remotely comparable.


A wedding invitation is supposedly meant to offer hospitality to friends and loved ones, so they can witness your marriage and celebrate. It’s sad you’d be happy if people you supposedly care about sent regrets because going out and buying a whole new outfit in a specific color was not in the cards, as some sort of price of admission. Actual black tie attire is much different than this in its versatility as well as its flexibility.
As hosts, the reception is to show appreciation and thanks to guests for coming. But it stops being about you and only your wants and needs as soon as you invite guests.
People are “willing” to do things that are unreasonable despite the fact that they are considered improper or rude by social standards because they don’t want to disappoint the couple, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t privately rolling their eyes. The onus is on you not to ask.

To answer your question, l think that you probably want them all to try to find dresses they love that are one color, not a print and that are pastel. Personally, light blues sound lovely as well as pale grey or lavenders. Many moms and grandmas will consider it a gift to be given guidance on what to wear. Since yours have asked for ideas, you can send the color and style (long, short, etc.) ideas as suggestions (not demands).

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Hosting the reception is so that you can thank your guests for coming to the ceremony in support of your wedding. It's supposed to be a gift from you to them. It's not longer just your day when you involve other people, and their needs have to be considered. You can dictate the attire of the wedding party, but it's not OK to do that to your guests, despite what you see on social media. Asking people to purchase an outfit in the colour of your choice is overstepping.

Hi Madison! It seems like the color vibe is a more light and airy pastel with the pink bridesmaid dresses and then light tan suits so I think any type of pastel color like a light blue or lavender or light grey would fit for your mom! Is this a garden style wedding? Maybe even a floral print could work if you like the color scheme!


Also, for the other people on this thread that are so focused on etiquette, please get used to answering the actual question that was asked on these forums and not providing unwarranted advice on etiquette. It's excessive, not needed, and annoying.

While you can’t dictate anyone’s attire but the wedding party, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with offering suggestions if someone asks. My mom asked, so I told her the wedding colors and let her know she could match if she wanted but I mostly just wanted her to find something she loved.

View Quoted Comment OP wanted to know what to tell the moms and grandmothers to wear. We did answer the “actual question” you just didn’t like hearing the answer. It was don’t.


I agree with Andrea that they are free to coordinate if they want and that if asked it’s fine to share the wedding colors etc. But the choice is theirs.

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I would expect fall out about this within the next 10 months of your wedding. Your honored guests who are adults are expected to dress themselves and are not mere photo props.

My honored guest at my wedding are more than happy to make purchases for my wedding as they have asked for suggestions. They would like to wear what I want them to. I am not DICTATING anything. Why do you and so many others need to be so rude? My wedding is in less than 4 months so no fall out. Thanks!