Wedding Attendance Reciprocation

If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Simple as that! Yes it would be polite to go, but you have your own finances to worry about.

She should understand how much a wedding demands financially. Just let her know you wish her the best, but that you do not have the wiggle room to attend.

Sometimes we have to go the extra mile for our friends.

If it's going to bankrupt you, obviously don't go, but if it were me I'd do everything in my power to attend. Start googling cheap flights.

I don't think it's strictly a reciprocity thing, but for me, it would be a friendship-closeness thing. Like Fall Bride said, if I was close enough to someone that they were a BM, I would absolutely do whatever I could to attend.

ETA: and I did take 2 days off of work and drive 5 hours each way to attend one BM's wedding at 8 am in Maine in October, in a sleeveless, short dress, if that establishes how serious I am about this.

That's the first thing I said Kate....you dont HAVE to do anything but die actually lol

My recommendation makes a lot of assumptions so take this advice with a grain of salt.

The last two months before our wedding is when the bulk of our vendor costs are due. I can definitely see how this OOT wedding could be a financial burden. However; your wedding is 2 months after hers (and after she pays a lot of expenses for her own wedding) and it's a couple of weeks before Christmas - another potentially expensive time. If she's making the sacrifice to be in your wedding, I think the right thing to do would be to attend hers.

See if you can save costs by booking your flight early, using airline miles (if you have them), going without your FH and searching for a good, but inexpensive hotel. If there's no way for you to afford it, then decline as soon as possible and explain why you can't attend. But if there's any chance you can swing it, my vote would be for you to go.

You guys are right. I honestly (horribly) didn't even think about the friendship factor. I'm going to try to go.

If she's a BM, you're super close with her, so I would try my hardest.

But if that means you don't know how you'll be able to come up with the money to make your final vendor payments then no - don't go.

@QueSeraSera - don't be afraid to look at alternative airports. You might get a deal at an airport that might be further from her and have a bit more of a drive.