Skip to main content

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Savvy March 2024

Wedding anxiety

Jamie, on September 20, 2023 at 4:52 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 5
I am crying nonstop over this and have so much anxiety to the point I want to cancel the wedding. Long story short, my family doesn’t get along, mainly because my mom continues to hold a grudge and hates my extended family ( for good reasons). However that was the past and I forgave but didn’t forget. BOTH sides of my family caused the issues. My cousins can’t be invited to the wedding due to my mom and them hating each other and not talking. My parents paid for a lot of the wedding and refuses to come if my cousins come. My cousins are upset because they can’t come and basically want to stop talking to me because of the distance and drama my mom has been causing in the family. I have a lot of resentment with my mother because she is narcissistic, holds grudges and starts problems for no reason holding onto past issues. If my mom doesn’t come that means my little sisters (who are the flower girls) don’t come and I need to have my mom, dad and sisters at my wedding. I can’t imagine it without them. But a part of me has so much hurt because I wish my cousins can go. I have no family going because it was all destroyed due to the past and the consequences of my mother lay onto me. Now my cousins don’t really want a relationship with me because they don’t see a point in it since they can’t really see me, invite me to important things in their life or get invited to important things in my life. I have tried to talk to my mom MANY times and there is no getting to her or changing her mind. She is set on her ways. I went to my cousins wedding last year and my mom found out and flipped out. I am 27 years old, have a home with my fiancé and financially support myself. She gifted part of the wedding to us. I had so much anxiety even going to my cousins wedding and I don’t even know how she found out. I am scared my mother will keep me away from my little sisters and I am basically the only family they have. That’s why i let her walk all over me. I am crying my eyes out writing this. I don’t even have anyone to plan a shower because I have no friends, no aunts or grandmas or cousins to plan it. My mom is even making me feel guilty for planning it for me when I told her to not do it. I don’t even want this wedding anymore


Latest activity by Michael, on September 22, 2023 at 9:01 PM
  • Caryn
    Rockstar November 2023
    Caryn ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I am so sorry you're going through this. It sounds terrible. I completely get why you're so stressed. I hope your cousins can eventually understand your position and separate you from your mom's drama, but if it were me, I would prioritize the ability to have a relationship not with your unhealthy mother, but with your little sisters. It sounds like they need a stable adult in their lives and they won't be little forever.

    I almost didn't answer this post because I feel completely unqualified to do so, but I wanted to make sure you knew that there are people thinking about you and hoping for the best.

    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    So sorry you are dealing with this. It’s not fair to you that you have to suffer the brunt of their feud. Is it possible to give all the money back to the parents and cut your losses with what has already been secured and paid for and plan the wedding you and fiancé want and can afford without financial assistance (Costco pizza and sodas with grocery store cake and flowers held at the local community center, as an example) with the people you want in attendance? If other people have issues with each other that they are unwilling to resolve, it is immature and impolite of them to put you in the middle as the bad guy because it sends the message to everyone that you condone mom’s petty behavior. Talking with a therapist may help navigate this as well.
    • Reply
  • P
    Devoted April 2023
    Peyton ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I am so sorry you are in this position. I, too, think you should make your relationship with your little sisters top priority. They need you in their lives. Do whatever you need to do to keep them close. If that means canceling the wedding, cancel it….if that means going through with what you have planned, then go through with it. Talk to your fiance and see what he thinks. Maybe someday you can mend the relationships with your cousins…? Again, I am sorry you are in this position

    • Reply
  • C
    CM ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    It sounds as if your mother is big on family loyalty, namely yours. It's hard to know if any of this drama continues to be justified or rises to this level without any of the details but basically, I agree with what everyone else has said about making your sisters the priority in all this. Your cousins not wanting to speak to you because of your mom's position is unfair, though. They should be able to have the maturity to understand that you are between a rock and a hard place. Yes, you can still theoretically turn down your parent's gift, but I think that's only going to make you feel worse and you'd run the additional risk of being isolated from your siblings.

    • Reply
  • Tasha
    Beginner October 2024
    Tasha ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Hello First Congratulations. Sorry that you are going through this. It seems your Mother needs to seek therapy for the issue in your family. It is hard to try and Pleased everyone. This is you and your fiance day. If she gifted you all with half of the expenses that a gift. You deserve to be Happy and stress free in the planning , the day of your wedding. You deserve to invite who you want at your celebration. Seek Counsel to help with your Mother and your Family. Hopefully you all come to understanding.
    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇


Related articles

WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more


WeddingWire article topics