Wedding anxiety because of my mother

My mother-in-law did the same thing.

My husband called his mother from his car Bluetooth to tell her the good news and her response? "Oh." and dead silence.

Yeah.

I cried.

Then she asked, "When are you moving out?" It was a very cold conversation and she was not happy; she completely ruined out happy moment.

Hi Sheharah, I can totally relate! I am a little closer with my mother, but she is very demanding. I typically just have to set her straight because ultimately she realizes she overstepped and needs to relax even though her first reaction is never calm. She tends to stress me out a lot too and I have to remain calm because this isn't about your mom or anyone else besides you and your SO! However, I try to understand that my mom is excited and wanting to do this to be close to me, she just doesn't realize how she is influencing me or acting.

My advice to you would be to try to keep the peace because you don't want to cause more problems for yourself. I would imagine your mom is excited, but just remind her that this is YOUR day and you also don't have to respond to her texts if she starts getting out of control. You may have to tell her to calm down and explain how she's stressing you out, then see where it goes from there. If you're closer with your step-mother and that makes you feel more comfortable/happier then go ahead and give her the honor. One way you could please your mom without too much effort is giving both your step-mom and mother corsages or something "special" on the big day. I planned on doing that with my step-father even though my father would walk me down the aisle. I wanted him to feel included, but I didn't exactly want him walking me down the aisle. Your mother won't know if you are doing a lot of the mother/daughter things with your step-mom and also it's none of her business! Just tell her you're wanting to do things by yourself, with your bridesmaids/friends, or your SO. I've learned with my mom that I have to be the adult a lot and sadly I have to plan accordingly to try not to upset her because after all she is still my mom and I don't want to hurt her feelings. But, you also shouldn't have to spend much time thinking about this and feeling guilty. Do what makes you happy because at the end of the day that's what matters!

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I'm so sorry! That's rough. But you have to remember it's about the two of you. She will deal.She won't have any choice. Don't allow her to get in between you two.

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Oh my gosh that's awful, I'm so sorry!!! That's very unfair. I hope that things get better in the future. Ultimately, all that matters is that the two of you are happy together!

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Thank you! And you're right. She doesn't have to know what I am planning with my step mother. She has to understand that My step mom and I are close because her and my father have been together a long time.It's time for everyone to get over it!

I wouldn’t include your mom in any planning. It’s really none of her business what your plan with your stepmother is.

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Thank you, it has.

That moment was more her projecting her fears than anything else. She has BPD and fear of abandonment is one of the biggest issues for her. My husband was her youngest and was living at home, so him moving on with his life and leaving meant that she could no longer rely on him to do everything she manipulated him into doing for her, you know? We ended up getting into it a year later when she refused to give my husband the documents he needed to get pre-approved for a loan to buy a house. She backed up ever since and we're closer now, but we'll never be super buddy.

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She did. Things have gotten a lot better since we moved into our own house.

Will you invite your mother? If not, it’s best to NOT include her in any planning or she’ll likely use it to come. Even if you invite her, I’d still limit how much you share because she sounds unpredictable and somewhat toxic. This is too special to give someone the opportunity to poop all over your wedding day!

View Quoted Comment True. I dont plan on including her. My fear is she will just show up.

View Quoted Comment You're dead on. I am limiting what I tell her purposely because I don't want her included. I haven't even shared our date with her. I'm hoping she will just stop asking.

View Quoted Comment Have you considered hiring security? Maybe your venue could have someone at the door with a guest list who can confirm those who were invited?

View Quoted Comment That's a shame. Glad it's better now.