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Just Said Yes February 2021

Wedding and/or baby

Sara, on September 1, 2019 at 7:17 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 14
I am 25 years old and my fiancé is 28 years old. We will be getting married in about a year and a half. Now that we are engaged we are talking about having kids. I am ready to have a baby now but don't want it to interfere with the wedding but I also don't want to wait so long to have a baby. What should I do?

14 Comments

Latest activity by Sara, on September 4, 2019 at 12:54 PM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    This is a very personal decision that only the two of you can make. You don't want to wait, but what does your FH want? I personally would wait until after the wedding. Weddings and babies are both huge financial, time, and emotional commitments that I couldn't take on at the same time. I also have the mindset that you can always (hopefully) have a baby later, but once they're here, you can't take them back. Enjoy this sweet, romantic time with your fiance. You only get to be engaged for a short time.

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  • Andrea
    Master January 2021
    Andrea ·
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    Hey Sarah,

    This is something to speak with your future husband about!! Maybe see what you guys think is best. Perhaps planning for a baby after the wedding would be better for you. Being pregnant brings on a lot of stress and emotions. You may not want all of that while planning your wedding. All the best to youSmiley heart

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  • Megan
    Expert October 2019
    Megan ·
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    I agree with Caytlyn and Andrea. This is a conversation you should have with your FH but I can tell you what my FH and I are experiencing now because we are planning with a one year old. We have to delay our honeymoon because my parents dont have vacation time to watch him for a week so we can go (and it's hard to think about leaving him), we want him involved so we had to find venues that allowed children, finding wedding clothes for a baby/toddler is so hard too. It's not all bad... instead of a bridal party dance, I'm having a children and their mothers dance.

    Plus, depending on your wedding date, it can be hard to lose the baby weight. I'm still about 15lbs heavier than I was prepregnancy and I eat healthy and have a good exercise schedule.

    Best wishes to you in your planning. Smiley smile
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  • Florida Marlins
    Expert October 2017
    Florida Marlins ·
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    Okay, I am going to give it to ya straight: Be married before you have a baby. YOU ARE ONLY 25 YEARS OLD. Please don't rush through life. I have two kids, both in college and trust me on this one, lol. Babies are such a financial game changer it is overwhelming. Discuss with your fiance and please wait.

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  • Jasmine
    Master August 2021
    Jasmine ·
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    You definitely have plenty of time to have kids. It's a personal decision but keep in mind paying for a wedding AND a baby is going to be kind of tough. If I were you, I'd focus on getting the wedding out the way and then having a kid afterwards. It doesn't have to be a long time after. Me and my fiance's birthdays are 2 days apart which will be in a few weeks. I'll be 30 and he'll be 23. We've been talking about kids a lot also and decided to work on that a few months after our wedding. Once again, it's ultimately your decision and I wish you the best in whichever you choose.

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  • M
    VIP December 2019
    Michelle ·
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    I agree ****%

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  • Nicole
    Master September 2020
    Nicole ·
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    This is a super personal conversation for you and your FH to have, but I'm echoing this statement. If you are wanting a wedding, do that first. You have more than enough time to have as many kids as you want after the fact, given how young you both are.

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  • Florida Marlins
    Expert October 2017
    Florida Marlins ·
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    I must add that I am 54 so I have, for the most part, seen it, done it. Please wait.

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  • Renee
    Super October 2020
    Renee ·
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    This is a conversation for you and your fiancé. If you want to be married first and you don't want to wait, discuss moving up your wedding date. Is it possible to get married sooner?

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  • Jayne
    Dedicated June 2022
    Jayne ·
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    How important is a traditional wedding to both of you? I ask because I've seen many times where once a child (and all the financial obligations that goes with that) comes into the family, there's not enough discretionary money for the wedding anymore or that priorities change and the big party becomes more of an after thought compared to everyday life.

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    Wait. Even for couples already livi g together, things change when you marry. You are working on a new long term way of dealing with thinks. It is tough for many people even when they do wait a year or two to start a family. The hormonal changes of pregnancy, and mood shifts, are stressful for most. And after the baby is born you may have 6 months to a few years of little privacy or sleep. You never know if you will be one with a small, premature, or sick baby. Or simply one who nurses or is bottle fed every 2-3 hours for months, taking up to half an hour. And may sleep no more than 4 hours at a stretch for 2 or 10 months. Wait, enjoy your peace, intimate conversations, freedom to do things together. You cannot reconsider and put the baby back . You may feel ready, but your marriage needs to be more settled and your husband ready, too. ( Happy mother of 5 who is happy to have waited 2 years.)
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  • Haley
    Expert October 2020
    Haley ·
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    I'm 25 and I can relate to this. Yes, talk to your fiance, which I'm sure you have. But if you're wedding is only a year and a half away, there's no harm in waiting. I'm starting to get the whole "you'll be 27 when you get married, isn't that old?? Don't you want to be a young/fun mom? You'll be an old grandma!" It's very frustrating. And yeah, sometimes I want a baby like YESTERDAY. I've been with FH for 10 years. I freaking love babies and kids. But it's a lot of work. And it's already kind of inconvenient to find someone to babysit our deaf dog and 3 cats when we go on vacation.

    You can always (for the most part, barring any sort of medical difficulties) decide to have a baby, but you can't really decide to return the baby to the store when you want to go to the beach with your friends. Or take a spur of the moment weekend getaway with your new husband. There's plenty of time to be a mom, you're only 25 once. I've spent the last 3 years getting everything in that I want to do before I have kids. Traveling wherever I want to go. Usually FH comes along (he drives us haha). So when I have a baby, I know I won't regret it or feel like I missed out on something in life.

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  • Heather
    Expert August 2020
    Heather ·
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    Ultimately we can only give advice here; this is a life decision you and your spouse need to make together. I have wanted a baby for at least 3 years already. But now, seven months out from my wedding it would be silly for us to have a baby. I want to enjoy my wedding instead of being pregnant, and I want to enjoy my dress ! Lol. Having a kid now could change you having a wedding at all. You never know what issues may arise with that you had not planned for. And like everyone else said - take this time to enjoy each other. Once you have a baby, as amazing as it will be, there are no give backs!
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  • S
    Just Said Yes February 2021
    Sara ·
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    Thank you to everyone For their stories and advice. I really do appreciate it. I have talked it over with my FH and we both are just excited to start our lives together. It is all just exciting and overwhelming. We are going to wait and focus on the wedding first and enjoy our engagement/wedding while we can. Smiley smile
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