Wedding after elopement

That’s not what they say. They say lying and hiding that you’re married, even from family is wrong. We’re all for vow renewals.

Personally, my parents would be hurt if I hid something like my marriage/wedding.

99% of the time, the issue comes when no one knows the couple is already married and they want a huge event... it just comes off strange. A celebration of your marriage is good, just make sure that guest know your legally married.

lso, sometimes posts like this can take away from couples who had a courthouse wedding when OPs and others post about having a “real” wedding later.

Yes, seriously. To many of us, it's wrong to fake a wedding. What you had at the courthouse was your wedding. You're married. What you're planning is not a wedding, but a vow renewal. If you're honest with your family and guests, no one has a problem with a vow renewal. What posters here object to is brides who don't tell their loved ones because they fear that if they do, people won't come to vow renewal. So instead, they deceive everyone and pretend they're not married. That's why they get disapproval here.

Provided you are not hiding your marriage and your guests know you are already married then I see no issues

I mean technically it is a vow renewal, your wedding is when you got married. There is nothing wrong with a vow renewal. I think the issue arises when you lie to your guests.

Ugh, I hate that there is no more edit. To add, we have seen brides lie to the parents/family about getting married to ensure their parents would still pay for and others would still attend. That is pretty shiitake (no cursing) in my book.

I think it would be very nice to have a vow renewal. Vow renewals can be very beautiful. I don't see why a vow renewal would be out of the question. By having a vow renewal you won't have to worry about the fraud side of it.

I don't think the general opinion is that a wedding after a civil ceremony is fraudulent. It's that it's not a wedding. You are already married. It's a vow renewal. Just be open and honest with your family and friends and tell them you are having a vow renewal and celebration of your marriage, not a wedding.

Your wedding is the day you become legally married at the courthouse-that's still a wedding. 😁 Any celebration after is a vow renewal. It can be called a celebration of marriage.

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Muriel brings up a good point. I recall reading that an officiant can actually lose their license if they perform a marriage-style ceremony with no marriage occurring because it's fraudulent. I'm not sure if it's by state only but that rule was for the NY/NJ area.

Vow renewals can be led by officiants. Officiants often have vow renewal ceremonies that can be customized just like a wedding but focusing on renewing the bond and promises.

I mean, you already had a wedding. It's insulting to other people here who do have those sort of weddings to say yours wasn't. You're having a vow renewal/reception. Not a wedding.

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I wish we could like thing so **like**

Ditto the general consensus here, it's not so much the celebrating later that is objectionable, it's the way some people choose to LIE to their family and friends about it. Have a celebration of your marriage, renew your vows, make it a great party! Just don't call it something that it isn't and don't try to hide the fact that you're already married.

The WW community isn’t against vow renewals. However, you cannot call it a wedding and act like it’s some major do over.

Call it what you want. A wedding celebration is just fine. Honestly I think calling it a vow renewal is weird when it’s not something that’s years later. There’s plenty of people who do what you’re doing. If someone has a problem with it, they can decline. I think people like that are petty though IMO.

You will have been married for a year and half by the time of your vow renewal. People aren't against vow renewals, they're against keeping the fact that you are already married from your guests.

I'm all for it. There's no law saying you have to have a wedding one the same day you're legally married. I've met a few people that had weddings after already being married and they had a great time!

View Quoted Comment A wedding is the exchange of vows, thus the courthouse ceremony is a wedding. A celebration later is just that, a celebration. Saying a courthouse ceremony isn’t a wedding is insulting to those that choose to marry in a courthouse.


There’s been many instances on here where the couple hides it from the family in order to go through the motions of being engaged, or having their family pay for their large, elaborate wedding.

Also MrsBdeG is right, an officiant can lose their ability to perform weddings if they do so when a couple is already married.

Im attending one of my closest friends’ vow renewal in February. Wouldn’t miss it! I’m excited to see her and her husband recommit themselves to each other.

As has been said, the "fraudulent" part comes from not being honest with your guests why they are there. Are they there to celebrate your marriage which has existed for about a year at the point of your celebration, or are they there to witness an actual wedding (the act of getting married)? If you're being honest with your friends and family that you already got married and this is a celebration of that (vow renewal, celebration of marriage), then cool! Have a fantastic celebration!

But if a couple is pretending they haven't gotten married, yet, and their friends and family think they're showing up to witness the act of the couple getting married, it can be really upsetting when the couple's loved ones realize that's not what's happening and that they were kept in the dark. Like MrsBdeG pointed out, officiants may need to alter what they say at a ceremony for a couple that is already married to meet legal requirements. That couple's friends and family might notice when the words coming from the officiant sound like a vow renewal, not a wedding ceremony. And yes, an officiant will know when they ask for the marriage license so they can submit the paperwork and the couple doesn't have one because the signing of the license and submission to the state was done at the couple's courthouse wedding.

As all PP have said so long as you’re not hiding it then having a vowel renewal is perfectly fine and most times lovely. It’s lying so that people will throw you extra parties or pay for the wedding that is an issue.

Also I think part of the problem is people conflate the idea of wedding to mean the big reception. The reception is an optional party to thank your guests. The wedding is the part of the day where you exchange vows and sign your marriage certificate. You already had the wedding but I am sure you will plan a lovely vow renewal/celebration of marriage!