Wedding 2 weeks before mine

You mention a gender reveal party. I'm assuming she's pregnant. Maybe she got pregnant sooner than expected. That could explain why she is planning a wedding on short notice. If she wants to get married before she is too far along in the pregnancy or before she gives birth, she might not be able to wait until after your wedding. Of course, you're entitled to have feelings, but try to consider that she could have substantial reasons for her choice of date.

You can't help your feelings. Your feelings are understandable. Now, what you do with those feelings is another thing.

If you feel you already have enough on your plate, which is understandable, you can express your congratulations to your friend, and kindly but firmly decline to help her with her wedding.

Your friendship might suffer because of this, but it will also greatly suffer if you allow yourself to become over-stressed before your own wedding. It's a difficult situation.

Sounds like your friend is having to re-adjust her expectations of her someday-wedding, and her expectations of you to help, are going to be one of those adjustments. You probably need to adjust your expectations of her, too. That's just the reality.

View Quoted Comment She did get pregnant sooner than expected but she said a few months ago she wanted to wait until after the baby was born so she could have the wedding she’s been planning for 4 years. I just feel like she’s in a race now to have before me. Maybe I’m overreacting. Bridal nerves and emotions getting the best of me. She never wanted the wedding she’s throwing together, she’s been planning for years and now she’s settling and it makes me sad for her. I think she will regret doing it this way but I don’t know how to tell her. She always wanted bridesmaids but now she isn’t going to have any. She wanted a specific dress but now since it’s short notice she had to get a cheap one she doesn’t love. I just feel like she is rushing it and blaming it on the baby. Just makes me sad for her and for me. I feel crazy telling all of this to strangers, lol. I’m so sorry.

Is she asking you to pay for her gender reveal party? Or help pick out party stuff? Two different things that would have different responses.

Either way do what you can. But keep in mind that if you come off gruff in anyway you may loose a BM. It’s not worth losing a friendship over something like this. Also understand this may not be the way she expected things to go for herself so be a little gentle.

I want to be there for her and support her but I’m very upset she threw this on me knowing how much I have going on and how long I have been planning my wedding

Yes, you are wrong to be extremely upset by this. You get one day as does she. She is doing absolutely nothing wrong by planning and having her wedding before yours. Her only duty as a BM is to show up sober in the proper dress on the day of your wedding.

If you are unable to assist with her gender reveal party just politely tell her that you wish her the best but, are very busy and won't be able to help her.

It's possible that she wants to move the wedding up because of her pregnancy. That was honestly my first thought. I highly doubt that she'll be able to have a big to-do on such short notice unless she has some really good connections but she may be willing to sacrifice that to be married for the birth.

As for her asking you for help, you can politely decline. You have a legitimate reason and if she's a good friend to you, she'll understand.

View Quoted Comment You really think that you wouldn’t be upset if a friend scheduled their wedding two weeks before yours (rather last minute) and then asked you to help plan a gender reveal party for her? Asking someone to plan party for you is already pretty rude and especially when you know the person you’ve asked is currently in the last stages of planning their own wedding. This girl also asked OP to help with her wedding even though she isn’t having bridesmaids! I think most people would be upset by all this because it’s pretty inconsiderate. OP shouldn’t be mean to her friend of course but her feeling upset by it is reasonable. But hopefully she can just process how she feels, decline the request to plan to gender reveal party, and move on to more important things.

Yeah that's tough. I can't remotely imagine having the emotional or mental capacity to help someone else out with their wedding two weeks before my own. That's a little selfish of her, but not much you can do. Just be honest, and if your own wedding and emotions begin to suffer because of her wedding, tell her you can only do so much.

Not really sure if this is the reason but sometimes people don’t have health insurance and so they get married before the baby so they can be on their spouses insurance. I don’t think it’s wrong that your upset but maybe try getting some info out of her. She might be sad she has to do it this soon too- and she’s no getting her dream wedding.

I wouldn't be upset about it, but I think you are fine to say something, like I'd love to help you, but there is still a lot I need to do for my own wedding. If you feel guilty and want to do something to help, just create boundaries, like I can't throw a gender reveal party, but I'm happy to pick up balloons/decorations (whatever time/activity you feel you can commit to). Not sure if she's done anything to help you with your wedding, but if she has, she may have just thought that she could have asked for your help in return, without really thinking about how busy you might be.

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This is some of the most phenomenal advice I've seen on WW. Hope it helped you out!