We married before our Wedding, which is now postponed due to Covid. How do we tell people? How do we handle this?

As far as I understand it (but I’ve never been to one, so I’m not sure) the wording between a wedding ceremony and a vow renewal from the officiant is different. Meaning you would have had a vow renewal anyway this year, given that you married in January. I would tell your family and still have a vow renewal ceremony and reception. As a guest I would be a little annoyed to find out you’d gotten married so long ago and just pretended you weren’t, ya know?

I think this is what we’ll be doing if we end up postponing our May 22nd wedding. We’ll do a small ceremony with our immediate families, then do a vow renewal with our original guest list and do the reception after that. We will plan to be upfront with our guests on what they are coming for.

I agree with Alejandra. I would just tell people you had a private ceremony but will be doing a vow renewal next year. I wouldn’t lie to your guests for over a year.

At this point, I think telling people you got married privately, but still want to celebrate with everyone a year from now, is your best bet. Yes, people normally take a vow renewal less seriously than a wedding. However, I suspect that those whose weddings couldn't take place because of the pandemic will get a pass on this, because people know they couldn't invite everyone to the actual wedding. With luck, if you don't give the exact date you were married, your guests will assume you fell into this situation. But please don't directly lie to them. The truth tends to come out, and then your guests tend to feel betrayed. If you care about them enough to invite them, you really don't want to make them feel that way.

I agree with the PP. Many brides are getting married with only a small gathering of people after their original date had to be cancelled. Just be honest with your guests. I would hope that most people understand the circumstances and will still want to celebrate at a later date.

Hi Deborah, we are doing something similar even before covid issue. We got married in civil court for medical insurance purposes and were planning our religious wedding a year later. This second wedding well be reciting religious vows. We and our guests do not see it as a vow renewal and are calling it a wedding part two. It’s up to you, but our family and friends have no issues with it at all. So yes while we are legally married on paper our marriage has not been finalized.

I would send a marriage announcement first and then I would wait until everything has settled and send out invitations to your vow renewal so that you can still have all the wedding stuff you weren't able to have before. Obviously you can just tell anyone that asks that is what you plan on doing but I wouldn't give a date or try to book anything yet.

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Thank you, Sasha. This is a really helpful perspective and probably exactly what we'll end up doing. Congratulations on your marriage and upcoming wedding!

Let me be clear - I was never going to lie about our being married for over a year. Our situation was a little weird because we had already planned and sent out STDs and invitations for our wedding in May. Between sending our STDs and our wedding date we happened to find our dream home in a highly desirable neighborhood. The only way for us to get the best mortgage was to be married (VA). So we did the quickie marriage on paper a few months prior to our planned wedding date. Now with C19, we've had to change everything. Our mothers and sisters know, but we haven't made a huge announcement yet, since we just decided a couple days ago that we need to postpone. Trying to wrap my head around the whole thing still. (I was coming off a high of selling our condo, buying a home, moving, and planning a wedding all in a 3-month span!)

I appreciate everyone's suggestions, especially Sasha. The idea of a wedding part two works for how we feel and our expectations for our wedding to feel more real with the full ceremony and our families with us.

I agree with letting people know you were married already and making May 2021 a vow renewal ceremony and celebration. This is what a coworker of mine did because they didn't think his FIL would live much longer (oddly enough he's still alive and well several years later), but so they had a quick private ceremony and then had a big celebration for their one-year anniversary.

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My best friend is in a similar situation (i'm trying to do my research and help alleviate the stress of having to plan/replan lol). So, here's our deal:

Original wedding was supposed to be this weekend. Postponed/made an announcement to everyone that the new date was in Aug 2020- which they were forced to take just so they had the same venue/vendors booked but aren't really excited about it anymore. We're now worried she may have to postpone again bc it doesn't seem like things are clearing up. There are out of town guests as well as the bride and groom so it affects travel plans (plane tickets/hotel). The recent thought is that they have a very small ceremony/elopement with the bridal party/parents where they currently live (TX) in Sept/Oct 2020 then have their big wedding/party/vow renewal NEXT April (in KY) as planned for this year. Keep in mind, they want to mimic the original wedding plans as much as possible because they still want their big day but with everything going on, they just aren't excited about it anymore...which is understandable. They still plan to do everything the same, venue, cake, gifts, dances, etc. as if it was the only wedding- we were mostly curious about the ceremony - but ANY advice would be helpful for both parts!! - Also, this is a non-religious wedding - even the renewal.

Concerns:

1. Is it considered a vow renewal?

2. They would definitely have an actual officiant for the TX elopement and be getting their marriage license there BUT if it is a vow renewal in April...do they need an officiant?

a. Can it be just anyone?

b. Would it be appropriate to actually renew their vows? Maybe different wording?

c. Do they exchange rings again? What would the officiant say? How would it differ than the legal ceremony?

d. What about filming the ceremony in TX then replaying it at what would have been considered the ceremony at the original April wedding?

3. How and when should they send the new invitations for the Apr 2021 wedding?

4. I believe they plan on telling everyone about the TX elopement, and just mentioning that it was an intimate ceremony for them - HOW and WHEN do they tell everyone else who was invited to their big wedding?

a. What would their new invitations look like - informal "postcard-like" announcements?

b. Wording? I guess it would depend on who is hosting

5. OPINIONS: Dresses: should she wear her big wedding dress to both? Bridesmaids dresses to both? - My thought is that she should save her big dress for the big day, wear something that means something to her and that she's comfortable in, bridesmaids can wear our dresses - they're not super formal and can def be worn again- reason being that for the big wedding, we still want the typical wedding party pictures...so i think it would be more special for us to dress up like planned for the Apr 2021 wedding. AND for the TX elopement, she is thinking of having it outside, on a dock overlooking the lake...which might not be good for her wedding dress if she falls in lol

I know this was a long post and i'm sorry I just need all the advice I can get for her. Definitely don't want her stressing anymore than she has to. Hard enough she's hundreds of miles away during the planning process.

Thank you ladies so much and congrats on your marriage/upcoming weddings!!!!

View Quoted Comment Hi Renae,


I totally underhand you and here are my thoughts
1. Since it’s non-religious I think it would be considered a vow renewal if you choose to have another ceremony.
2. No they do not need an officiant since you are already legally married and are not conducting a religious ceremony.
a. Yes if you still want to exchange vows it can be literally anyone or no one at all. You have full control over how you want to the second ceremony to look like.
b. Absolutely, you are welcome to renew vows or exchange additional vows different from what you recite during your intimate ceremony. It’s up to you !
c. You can search templates online and put together customize language if you choose to have an officiant. It’s really up to you. My civil weddings was very by the state of New York we now pronounce you married. Literally took a minute and was pretty straightforward. You have an opportunity to write your own vows and really get into your commitments to each other. My civil wedding didn’t get into anything about the commitment we are making to each other.
d. Filming is a great idea, so many couples are doing this!
3. Send invites eight to six weeks before via mail or electronically. Up to you! Some companies are offering free reprints. We didn’t send out invitations yet so we are just going to reprint with Shutterfly for free. We did electronic save the dates for our original date. And reached out to our guests via our wedding google line to let them know we are postponing. Our plan is to send out new e-STDs in January/February 6 months out.
4. After we did our civil wedding we took a month to enjoy our newly wed life then made an announcement via social media and posted our picture. My mom called all the important people then I posted on social media for all the younger folks and rest of the family to view.
a. We are having a black tie soriee so the invites will be formal, but it’s up to you!b. Wording you can find online depending on whose hosting, but one thing we changed on the invite was my name. It now says my hyphenated last name instead of my maiden name.
5. It really depends on your budget, but I didn’t have bridesmaids at that point only parents and some of my sibs. I wore a little white dress and my hubby wore a new suit. I’m saving the fancy expensive dress and bridesmaids for the big wedding.
Hope this helps 😊❤️!

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Thank you so much for the input!!! This helps tremendously!! Talking with her now

View Quoted Comment Hi Deborah,


We were in the same boat! We got legally married on Leap Day and were having our reception on May 9th but with the ceremony and everything like a wedding. We were going to tell everyone but then in the next two weeks, the world went on lock down and everything changed. His grandmother was really, really bad because she found out 3 days later. I told our friends and personally called most relatives. Then on May 9th 2020 (my supposed to be wedding date) I posted photos from the “wedding” on fb with like a little blob about how I love being Mrs. Harp and we had to postpone but I can’t wait to celebrate with everyone in September!” Now it’s May again lol but then evvvveryone knew and it didn’t feel like a secret. I’m a little late to this thread so I hope everything worked out! Next month we we’ll have our wedding like normal, including exchanging rings!