We live in my fiancés hometown, but my entire family is 14 hours away. Where do we get married?

Most couples marry in the town they live in. No matter where you are, someone has to travel. Send save the dates 10 months ahead after you decide on set in stone guest list so they can make arrangements. Also marrying locally makes finding vendors much easier.

How exactly would it cost less for his friends to go to NY? I get that you said you live in a tourist area, but NY is expensive no matter what/when you go. It really does't make sense that it would be less to travel to NY versus SC. You both need to find a compromise. Just as you don't want to ask your family/friends to travel, neither does he. How about a meet me in the middle location? Split the difference.

View Quoted Comment I have my dream venue in NY and many of my family cannot afford to travel so far. My grandma cannot travel at all due to disability and I haven't lived here in SC long. My heart is in NY and I am not okay with the idea of half my family unable to attend my wedding.

View Quoted Comment And your FH probably feels the same about those he cares about.

View Quoted Comment Sit down with your fiance and work out a solution so that everyone you want can be there. If that means a destination wedding, then do that.

View Quoted Comment It's hard. I'm from upstate NY and the venue is located across from a lodge that is 60$ a night. His groomsmen, grandparents, and parents would be the only ones who had to travel. He has family in NJ as well. His 30 people traveling would cost significantly less than the 75 immediate family i have in NY to travel.

Upstate NY is worlds cheaper than NYC or any tourist area. We went there to marry as a meet in between location, cheaper than North of Boston prices or NYC.

View Quoted Comment Yes, exactly! Way cheaper. One of us is going to have to compromise. It sucks. I have only 1 living grandparent left, and she cannot travel. I cant imagine getting married without her there. She can't travel from my hometown in upstate NY all the way to sc.

Are his only reasons for not traveling the cost? Can his elderly relatives easily travel? Since there is a cost to traveling, could you or your family absorb some of the costs? Pay for 50% of the accommodation for example. My Brother and Mom did this when his Wife's family had to travel a significant distance.

Seems like your mind is pretty made up. We chose to have our wedding where we live as it was easier for us to decide on vendors, taste catering options, and all the other details. Neither of our families live close so everyone has to travel. Half of my family lives east coast Canada and we live in Northern California and the travel I’m sure is expensive. If you want to get married in New York that’s fine, but you cannot worry about your families finances. If you want to be in New York that is what I would try to stress and communicate how you don’t feel connected to where you are physically now. The financial standings of others is not the way to go if it’s what your heart wants

In your situation, I would plan 2 events- 1 in NC for his friends & family, and 1 in NY for yours. It’s the only way you are both going to be happy and not have to sacrifice (or force your loved ones to).

My family is from Pennsylvania and my husband's is from New Jersey so they live about 3 hours apart. We live in Maryland about 4 hours from both families. We choose to get married in a town in between both of our families. We drove 4 hours for our wedding and most of family members drove 1.5 hours. My suggestion is to think of somewhere in between. As for your grandmother, could your family assist her with traveling?

Hi Nicole, traditionally couples get married in the bride’s hometown. This is the very traditional side of things, but my groom (now husband) actually just assumed we would marry in my hometown due to tradition. Your fiancé would not like my advice 😉😘❤️

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. Out of all my friends; it's either been in the bride's hometown or where the couple is currently living.

View Quoted Comment You’ve clearly already made up your mind and it isn’t that one of you is going to have to compromise. Your FH is just going to have to accept that your family and friends are more important than his. Hopefully he will be ok with that. A compromise would be to find something in the middle.

It sounds like you really want to get married in New York, so here's a justification:

You live in SC now, which means you get to see his family all the time and that will continue to be true for the foreseeable future. It's really important to you that all of your family be able to attend your wedding, since you don't see them as often, and they wouldn't all be able to make it to SC. If any of his family can't get to NY, you can easily spend time with them before the wedding, and show them pictures, in person, afterward.

Girl I am SCREAMING reading this. Are you me? I'm from CT (as is all my family), fiance is from SC, we met in college in SC.

We live in CT now but we are getting married in SC, on the coast, in a small sort-of touristy town. I haven't priced how much it would be for my family but I don't know if it would be $1k per person...that seems kind of high. I know some people are planning to drive and a couple of families are renting houses together.

Planning long distance is hard but it would have cost a ton more to have it in the Northeast, plus I feel like my heart is in the South so for us it was a no brainer.

Feel free to PM me, hopefully because our logistics are similar I might be able to help!

My fiance and I live in Tennesee. My mom lives in Alabama, his parents and sister live in North Carolina and my dad, the rest of my family and most of our friends live in Upstate New York. We've decided that having it in NY is just not doable even though that would be the biggest turn out because it is too hard for us to plan and travel back and forth. We've decided to try to find a central location for everyone and just have a smaller wedding with maybe 30 guests max.

Kimberly is correct, it's obvious that you aren't willing to compromise. That's not fair to your FH, but you don't seem to care. You want him to do things your way no matter what. So, I agree with Chrysta, you should consider having two ceremonies. That way, everyone's relatives can attend. If you can't or don't want to have two ceremonies, a wedding and a celebration of marriage/vow renewal, then have two receptions/gatherings, one at each place. That way, everyone can attend.

My and my Fiancé has a similar issue. We are both from small communities that are about an 8 hour drive away. We currently live in my hometown now. I have always wanted to get married in my hometown as it is beautiful and in the Rocky Mountains. He wanted to get married closer to his friends and family. We ended up compromising and chose to get married in the town where we went to university (and met each other). It’s closer for a lot friends and family, it’s sentimental and it has more amenities for hosting a wedding. I think in the end if one person wins, the other has to lose. Scratch both plans and come up with something together.