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Alyssa
Dedicated June 2019

We hired security for our wedding.

Alyssa, on May 7, 2019 at 9:50 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 18
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Hi all,
I was just wondering what some of y'all's opinions are on this and if you've ever done this. We are hiring a security guard to stand in the entrance of our venue. This is due to me coming from a really abusive family and not wanting my father at my wedding. However my father has made comments before saying he's going to be there. I'm also a recovering alcoholic and not everyone knows that so it's also to make sure nobody is bringing in alcohol. How would you feel as guest to have to go through security. They would ask what their name is, check to make sure they're on the list, and make sure they're not bringing in alcohol. I feel some people might think this is offensive but it's really for my own protection. Thoughts?

18 Comments

Latest activity by Kensley, on May 5, 2025 at 10:04 PM
  • Mrs. H
    Master September 2019
    Mrs. H ·
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    I think anyone who knows you and your background will be understanding of this. I wouldn't worry a bit

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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    I mean, are they patting guests down and searching bags for alcohol? Or are they just asking? I wouldn’t mind being asked my name, but I’d be pretty uncomfortable with having to have someone go through my purse or pat people down in order to get into a wedding.
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    Completely agree with this. I'm glad to answer a question, but I won't have my privacy violated to enter your wedding.

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  • Emly
    Expert June 2020
    Emly ·
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    Our venue includes security. Not for the same reason as you but they are there to make sure no one drives under the influence and everything remains controlled. I dont think there's anything wrong with it but I do think "patting people down" is a bit excessive. I would just have your guard on the lookout for your dad and if he sees someone with alcohol to take care of it at that point but anything else seems like too much IMO
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  • Brooke
    Dedicated October 2020
    Brooke ·
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    It's for YOUR protection. Who cares what anybody else thinks, especially some of these people on here.
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  • Alicia
    VIP August 2019
    Alicia ·
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    I agree with the others. Simple questions are totally not a problem, but I wouldn't be on board with a bag search at a wedding. I think it's awesome that you are protecting your recovery, though! You go, girl!!!

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  • Alyssa
    Dedicated June 2019
    Alyssa ·
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    Haha no nobody will be pat down, I would be very uncomfortable with that. They're just going to ask. Thanks for all the feedback!!
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  • Alyssa
    Super September 2019
    Alyssa ·
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    I think anyone who knows you will not judge having security! Our venue requires security and it's included in the price of the venue. Obviously it's for different reasons but still, I think as long as they aren't invading peoples privacy then it's ok!

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  • Mandy
    VIP May 2019
    Mandy ·
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    I don't have a problem if they just ask my name to make sure I'm on the list. Anything more than that is a no. I don't think typically people bring their own alcohol to weddings unless it's been stated it's a BOYB party.

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  • karen
    Master October 2017
    karen ·
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    I would ask them to dress in dark suits. I would tell people that there will be security, and that they may need ID to get in or will have to give their name (whatever you decide on). I would also say, no one is permitted to bring alcohol onto the premises (but would not allow searches). I think that telling people no booz and there will be security will be enough to discourage people from brining stuff
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  • T
    Dedicated May 2019
    Tori ·
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    If you're worried it might be weird, you could ask if the security guard would mind handing out the escort cards with table assignments as he checks people's names. Then it feels less like security to your guests and more like check-in, but you'll have the peace of mind knowing they're there and capable if needed
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  • Jess
    Super September 2019
    Jess ·
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    I think this is a great idea. I'm also having security to ensure that my mother will not be allowed in the venue. So if this makes you feel safer than 100% go with it!

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    Here is my Post about ours!

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  • Karma
    Devoted April 2018
    Karma ·
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    If you do not trust yourself being near alcohol... I do not think security is the answer. Are you in AA? I would think this would be something to talk about with your sponsor.

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  • D
    Super July 2020
    D ·
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    Go for it! If you want to feel safe you should. Or if you think it's too "extreme" (personally I don't) ask a few trusted relatives that know him to be alert if he shows up so they can handle the situation swiftly.
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  • E
    Super October 2017
    Emily ·
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    It may be easier to give pictures of your father to security than have everyone of your guests check in with one person. I would imagine that would cause an issue with slowing down people getting into the reception venue. Additionally, I would find it odd to be patted down or searched going into a wedding especially if I had no idea about why it was truly a dry wedding. I agree with an above poster that this is a great thing to talk to your sponsor or therapist about. I would instead maybe put something on your website to the effect that it is a dry wedding and the venue will not tolerate outside alcohol being brought in. I can't imagine it would be that much of an issue that people would be sneaking booze in - especially in large enough amounts to affect you.

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  • Heather
    Expert August 2020
    Heather ·
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    I'm with you on this! I'm sorry about your family and that you feel like you need security there, but if it makes you feel comfortable absolutely do it! No one has the right to complain. I have a similar situation, and I will be providing the venue with photos of my parents just in case and also let my guests know to bring their invitation or provide a final guest list. Do what you need need to do girl!

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  • Kensley
    Just Said Yes October 2025
    Kensley ·
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    Where did you hire one from cause I’m looking for one for our wedding
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