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Just Said Yes May 2021

We eloped.

Alexa, on May 9, 2021 at 6:58 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 7

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After three years together. We woke up in May 3 and contacted an officiant and got married 3 hours later on their front porch. Let me rewind. My sister and I got engaged (not planned) on the same day December 2018. I, while leaving my fiancé in Oregon and going back to Tennessee. My parents were enraged that I ruined my sisters day. She’s 28 I’m 24. I was so hurt. I tried to have conversations to tell them how I felt. No one cared. In October when my fiancé and I moved into our apartment I tried to bring up the conversation that we wanted to get married. My mom said it was too soon. Again in February of 2021 I tried to bring up the conversation, once again it wasn’t the right time. Then later in February my sister announced that her and her fiancé are getting married in July. My mom jumped into it. Every all hands on deck. So, after talking with our pastor we decided to do what we had to do to be happy. I’m now conflicted with planning my sisters wedding as no one has even asked what I’m doing or cared to continue conversation about me. I want to tell my mom how I feel and how left our and ignored I feel but I know how it will end. I also don’t know how to announce our marriage without being call disrespectful or overshadowing my sister. I’m looking for any and all help. I’m honestly desperate.

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7 Comments

Latest activity by Cool, on May 10, 2021 at 10:51 AM

Champion July 2019
Veronica · on May 9, 2021 at 7:17 PM
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First off, congratulations on getting married! It sounds like your family is being very unreasonable. I wouldn't consider getting married 2.5 years after being engaged too soon. To me that's actually a rather long engagement. It sounds more like your family is making excuses because they are upset you got engaged on the same day as your sister. If it was planned I could understand, but given that it wasn't planned I think they are overacting. My advice would be honest that you guys decided to elope. Rip it off like a Band-Aid. If they ask why then you should be honest that you didn't feel like you had their support. That's on them for making you feel this way and not at all your fault. They might try to claim you are overshadowing your sister, but she gets one day. She can't dictate your entire life just because she also happens to be getting married. I got married the same year as my brother, my sister, and my brother-in-law. My brother-in-law proposed two days prior to my husband proposing to me. My brother-in-law and husband didn't know until the plans were already in place and couldn't be changed. These things happen and it's not the end of the world like your family is making it seem.
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NewEnglandSettler · on May 9, 2021 at 8:05 PM
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Congratulations!
My advice is to call your parents and let them know that you married the love of your life in a private ceremony and that you hope that they are happy for you both... and pretty much leave it at that.

As far as your sister’s wedding goes - be as involved or uninvolved as you want. I can almost guarantee that watching the planning, $$ and unnecessary stress that they are going to go through in the next couple of months will make you even more happy with your decision to elope.
Again, congrats!
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Super February 2022
Grace · on May 10, 2021 at 12:18 AM
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Your mother seems like she is stuck in the Victorian mindset that the oldest daughter has to get married before the younger daughter can. Completely unreasonable and I am so sorry you put up with being disregarded for so long. You have to decide if it is better to tell them now and hear about 'upstanding your sister' by getting married first or if you want to hear about how 'you kept it a secret for so long it must not be very important'. Those are the two most likely scenarios I see, unfortunately. If it was me, I would have a short phone call like NewEnglandSettler described now rather than deal with the anxiety of waiting and not knowing what the reaction will be later.
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Expert March 2023
Catherine · on May 10, 2021 at 3:42 AM
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Congratulations! Seeing as how it is now May 10th, I would call them as soon as possible. I know it might be scary seeing how unrealistic and unreasonable your mom is being. However, the longer your wait, I think the more you’re going to fear it. Call them and let them know you celebrated a private wedding ceremony with the love of your life and leave it at that. They’re going to talk regardless- I think it’s better to do it sooner rather than later. Congratulations again!
As for your sister, be as involved or uninvolved as you want. Hopefully she’s happy for you
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Savvy May 2021
Marion · on May 10, 2021 at 4:39 AM
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Omg you just woke up and decided to get married that same day?? Stop it!! That’s sooooo romantic congratulations!! I wish my partner was as spontaneous!

I’m sorry your family is giving you so much grief. I’d maybe do it over a quick phone call but that’s because I have no patience for family drama. As for your sisters wedding, if she wants/needs help im sure she’ll ask. You can always offer but it seems like you’re purposely being left out 😬
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Master May 2019
Cyndy · on May 10, 2021 at 8:27 AM
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First of all, Congratulations!!!! What a fun and spontaneous way to get married. It sounds like your family is focused on the wrong things. Two people in a family can get engaged and get married at the same time without all this drama. I would just call and tell them and be done with it. If they aren’t happy, just hang up and move on with your life. They will come around when they realize how ridiculous this is. Life is too short and if you are happy; that’s all that matters!!
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Super July 2020
Cool · on May 10, 2021 at 10:51 AM
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Congratulations! It sounds like you had a wonderful day with the person you care about most. I agree with others - you have to rip the bandaid. Call your parents and let them know that you got married. You’re an adult, all they can do is be angry. Don’t argue; don’t have a whole long convo just simply inform them.
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