We eloped while on military orders but want to celebrate with family and friends

The etiquette is clear on these: you'd be having a vow renewal and not a wedding. You are already legally married. If you wanted to have a wedding reception that would be perfectly fine, but you cannot have a ceremony call it a wedding after the fact. You could have a celebration of vows or something like that, but a lot of people will mock you if you try and pass it off as a wedding (they don't care about circumstances).

Hope that helps and congratulations!

(Navy Officer marrying a Navy Submariner, welcome to the military lol)

View Quoted Comment Thank you @nurseandthesailor! I really appreciate your response.
I am such an introvert and I hate big gatherings. Our original plan was just to have a tiny family only "ceremony", then a party for our friends later. But we want to keep it to less than 50 people. Not because we can't afford it, but because we only want our very closest people there.

However, I guess the big question now is.... We are already established at home. We don't expect anything from anyone. This party is literally only for our friends so they feel included. But should we register for anything for our celebration? Do you accept gifts? It feels wrong to me....

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Personally I wouldn't register, especially if you already have a home together. If people are feeling generous, they'll give you cash or a check!

I also completely agree with PP, this would need to be referred to as a vow renewal instead of a wedding. That being said, you can still have all the traditional aspects of a wedding! You can do as much or as little as you want to make it feel like a "real" wedding (white dress, bridal party, cake cutting, etc.)

This is what we did, however our parents came with us to the courthouse. We are doing a one year vow renewal on Nov 9, 2019 (since that will be our 1 year from our courthouse wedding)

**Also a military wife

View Quoted Comment Thanks @Amber! I definitely want to keep it simple. And 'vow renewal' does seem like the right vibe RN... 😅

My guy knows I hate the attention so thats why I wanted to keep this to ourselves originally. Plus, we try to be very smart with money so it seems like a waste to spend 10k or whatever on random people when we can just have fun instead or invest in property..

View Quoted Comment @Brooke congratulations!! Are you inviting your friends and family to the renewal? Or did you do a party after your first event last year?

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We are inviting our friends and family. Our vow renewal is basically our "wedding" but to us and our parents it is technically a vow renewal (not everyone knows we are already married.... so for them it's a wedding)

View Quoted Comment @Brooke that's exactly what we were thinking of doing! For us, our marriage was simply for us and because we wanted it. Any other celebration is simply JUST to make other people feel happy and included. Thank you so much for the input Brooke! Also, congratulations!! 😍

I would tell your family & friends you eloped. I'd call or tell in person immediate family & close friends, then send out invites that said "We eloped! Please join us for a reception at XX". If you live with him on base (or he lives off base), people will know you are married and hiding it in general will cause stress and hurt others.

Congrats on your new marriage! How exciting!

We had originally planned on eloping and then throwing a party but decided against it. When we were planning on it, however, we came across a LOT of great ways to announce an elopement and/or party after-the-fact.

My favorite was an invitation that said "YOU ARE NOT INVITED" really big at the top and then in smaller font it said "to our wedding because we already eloped!"

I saw another one that was similar that then contained info for a small party. There are lots of different ways to announce it and how to invite people. Google is your friend.

I will advise, however, that you let your close family and friends know in person or over the phone before doing any kind of mailed or social media announcements, otherwise you'll end up inadvertently hurting feelings. I made this mistake when I got engaged - we told our parents and brothers/sisters but then just blurted it out on social media later that night before telling other close friends and there were just a *few* hurt feelings.

If you don't like a lot of attention or confrontation, I'd start telling family sooner rather than later. There might be some hurt feelings over the fact that you didn't even tell them you got married. But then you should explain that you want a vow renewal or some kind of ceremony/reception that you're inviting them to so you can celebrate with them. Most people can understand when you're in the military and aren't able to have family around due to deployments and assignments

I went to a wedding celebration this month where no one went to their private ceremony so they just called it a wedding celebration and no one had a problem with it. Felt like a normal reception

We had to move our wedding up five months due to a deployment. Therefore, our wedding will be small and a "destination," considering we will be marrying while on the way to the new duty station and we also both do not like crowds due to some traumas and prior deployments. I probably have an unpopular opinion but I say register! This is your wedding celebration. Just let the registry be spread through word of mouth. Even with our guest list at 30 we are still being thrown a plated bridal/farewell shower. Etiquatte says this is rude but honestly, I'm giving up my home and my safe place and my final request is to celebrate with the people that I know cannot make it to a thursday wedding. I've been on both sides of the military, and the service member and the wife give up a lot. Enjoy your day! Do the normal activities! If anyone opposes then they simply don't understand the chaos your new life will entail. I hate seeing brides give up fun activities due to financial complications, moving, wanting a wedding to be private, etc.