We disagree too much...

Try to compromise and maybe have a nice wedding with a small guest list. If you elope then go home to have a party that’s what will cost you money. Skipping having guests at the ceremony won’t save much money.

Does he really have a realistic idea of how much time and money goes into planning a big wedding? If he wants a big wedding you probably won’t be spending only thousands of dollars, it’s very easy to spend well over $10k (that’s actually a low budget for a big wedding), and many couples spend over $20 or $30k. Personally my FH and I both agreed to have a big wedding, but it certainly is consuming lot of time and money so I totally get the desire to have a small one! We were only able to do it because our parents helped, we wouldn’t be able to do it by ourselves (well technically we could, but it would be irresponsible). Maybe ask your fiancé to start researching costs and figuring out a budget and where you will get the money from. In any case, there should be some compromise you can reach between a big wedding and a simple Vegas wedding!

I probably should have also added we don't really talk to our families regularly and me personally, I talk to no one in my family unless I need to. We just aren't close. So I can't justify spending all that money on people we don't talk to or see regularly even more than 4 times a year... maybe I'm just being selfish. Idk

I think having a small wedding seems like a fair compromise. That way he still gets to have his "big day", but you guys don't have to empty the bank doing it. Having a small guest list and inviting only your closest friends, but still buying the suit and the white dress may fill his need for a wedding (he might not even realize what "big wedding" means), but it won't get insanely expensive or become a planning nightmare, which will help you feel more comfortable.

I don't think you not wanting to spend money on people you don't see often is selfish, but if its very important to your fiance and you are unwilling to compromise at all, I could see how that would upset him- you two are at the totally opposite ends of the wedding spectrum right now!

If I’m reading this correctly, you want to have a small ceremony in Vegas and come home and throw a wedding party/celebration which is basically a delayed reception. The compromise is you get a small ceremony and he gets a big party. Which is fine. Unless you’re worried about cost. If you come home and throw a huge party, it will likely cost you the same amount of money. The reception (“party”) is where most of the money is spent.

However, you don’t have to invite every single one of your family members if you’re not close to them. I didn’t invite my mothers stepfamily nor one of my uncles and his family because we are not close and I don’t know them. I think, with significant others, it totaled 26 people I cut from our guest list.

I would have a talk with him about how big is big and you each draft a list of names and how many people from your side absolutely have to be there. It could be a lot smaller than you think if you don’t invite absolutely everyone. If he is also not close with his family, you should have a serious talk with him about who he needs to be there. Perhaps you can come to an agreement on immediately family plus friends or plus aunts and uncles that can help cut down on the list. You should also discuss your budget with him. Do both of you have the finances and time to plan a big wedding? We had a pretty big wedding and it cost us a lot of money. Does he have the time to be involved with all the wedding planning?

I was having a similar problem with my FH. Jean an only child and I come from a larger family. I suggested court house and vow exchange at a local garden. He was adamant about having a big wedding. We compromised on a guest list of 100 , which is still kind of uncomfortable for me. If he had it his way the world would be watching us get married lol. So agreeing on an amount together is the best option. I would love to elope in Vegas with our parents and kids but looks like June 8th I’ll be at a venue with 100 people..

We're in a similar situation in that I wanted to elope (or keep it very small) and he wanted like 400 person wedding. We're compromising with a destination ceremony (immediate family only) and a reception at home (200-250 people) 6 weeks later. It's a little cheaper than doing a huge day (we have no bridal party or anything) but it's certainly not "cheap" so I guess it depends if finances are more important or having the event(s) you want. I'm not close to my family (or many people at all) either so the party really is for FH... I think it'll be fun but I could do without it.