Wanting to change my engagement ring

I think that an engagement ring is a gift, not an order. My ring isn’t what I would’ve chosen, but it’s perfect because it’s what my fiancé bought when he thought about asking me to marry him.


No one says you have to wear it the rest of your life. Plenty of people stop wearing their engagement ring in favor of just their wedding ring. Get the wedding ring in a style you choose and wear that.

I would say give him a little slack. He most likely was very excited to find a ring and propose, and this may have been something he looked forward to for a very long time. I agree that it's not something you have to wear your entire life and you may even grow to love it knowing that your fiance/soon husband picked it specifically for you. Pairing it with your wedding band may make you like it even more. If it's truly a ring you don't like at all, it would be good to have a kind and honest discussion with him, maybe allowing him to return it if possible and having him choose another ring more of your style. Just remember to be kind and understanding of his point of view and come to a compromise. Honestly, 25 years from now when you have both built a wonderful life together, would the ring not *exactly* being the style you like matter to you at all? Probably not!

When I picked the engagement ring for my wife, I picked it considering what I think my wife would like. Good thing she really liked it. But I wouldn’t mind if my wife upgraded the ring after a few years to change the setting or the metal to what she likes.

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In 25 years the ring won't even fit. haha

OP, it's a gift. Find more tactful words before reengaging the topic. You're basically saying his intentions and taste are not good enough for you.

Neither of you are entirely right or wrong. I do think it's important that you love the ring you're going to wear for the rest of your life, but understand why he may be hurt that you don't love what he picked. It sounds like he's being a bit immature with his reaction but I can never understand why someone would want you to keep something so expensive and important that you're not in love with.

It sounds like you're in a tricky situation. It's understandable to feel a bit disappointed if the ring isn't what you had envisioned, especially since it's something you'll wear for a long time. However, it's also clear that your fiancé put thought and care into choosing it, even if it wasn't exactly what you wanted.

Communication is key in these situations. It might help to gently express to your fiancé that while you appreciate the effort and love he put into selecting the ring, it's not quite your style. It's not about being unappreciative, but about feeling comfortable and happy with a ring that represents your relationship.

Perhaps there's a compromise where you can keep the ring for its sentimental value but make slight modifications to suit your taste, or even choose another ring together for special occasions. It's important to navigate this conversation with care, ensuring that your fiancé doesn't feel his efforts were unappreciated. Take care- Anne