Wanting to change engagement ring

I wasn't but my sister-in-law was. My brother-in-law had a ring custom made for her using his grandmother's diamond. She complained to her friend about it and then it got back to her husband (then fiancé). He was beyond hurt especially since the ring was custom made. She ended up apologizing because she felt terrible for dissing the ring behind his back. It also made her feel worse when she learned the diamond was his grandmother's. Although it wasn't exactly what she wanted, she kept the ring. While it might not be the ring you want and your fiancé says he is okay with you changing rings, I personally wouldn't. It is less meaningful because it isn't the ring he proposed with nor the ring he picked out. However, I also got the exact ring I wanted since I had a ring picked out a year in advance and my husband knew exactly what ring it was when he decided to propose.

To be honest with you I wasn’t 100 percent sure of mine either. I have never said anything. I know my Fh is very sensitive and would be really hurt so I just couldn’t. Some guys would be fine , some not. But if you want something you love and aren’t overly sentimental go for it.

When we started talking about marriage I sent him three rings that I loved. He ended up choosing the one I loved the most. It’s something that you’re going to wear for the rest of your life you should love it. Talk to him about it again see how he really feels. If it really hurts him I would keep it because of what it meant to him. Maybe for your fifth year you can get an upgrade.

Thank you ladies for the replies...i don’t know how to add in to my last post but he had 2 rings picked out and then decided on the one I have now....if i did change it out, it would be the other ring he had picked out

This is such a difficult situation! On the one hand, the sentimental value behind it should be what’s most important. But on the other hand if it is a ring you plan to wear every day then you want to love it. I guess I would ask myself the following questions:
1. Right now the engagement is brand new and everyone is wanting to see the ring. Once the “showing off the ring” phase is over, will the current ring still bother you?

2. Since you’ve had it for a month now, obviously everybody close to you has already seen the ring. How are you going to feel explaining to everyone why you have a new ring?
3. Do you absolutely hate the ring, or is it just not exactly what you had in mind?
4. If you were to get a new ring at this point would it hold any sentimental value for you? And will you always feel guilty about swapping the ring your fiancé chose for you?
For what it’s worth, if I were in your situation I would definitely keep the ring. For me, getting a new ring wouldn’t hold any sentimental value. And it wouldn’t even feel like an engagement ring, it would just feel like a pretty ring that I picked out for myself. The only thing that makes a ring an “engagement ring” is the fact that your fiancé proposed with it. You can always pick out a gorgeous wedding band that you love. Plus, it seems like a ton of women don’t even wear their engagement ring anymore once they get married. So if you still don’t like it after the wedding, you could always choose to only wear your beautiful wedding band. And there’s always the opportunity for a ring you love for a milestone anniversary 😉

View Quoted Comment I agree I wouldn't change it. He picked it out for you and proposed to you with that ring. That ring has meaning and you should love it just because of the meaning. I'm sorry and I'm not trying to come off as mean but I can't ever understand women not loving the ring their fiancé picked out on his own and proposed with. You should be grateful. Plus let's not forget marriage and a wedding isn't at all about the ring he gives you, it's about the love you both have for each other. If you love him then the ring should never matter. My fiance proposed to me with his grandmothers ring and even though it's not my style I love it so much and would never change it because it has so much meaning. Honestly though my fiance could have proposed to me with a plastic gumball machine ring and I would have been so happy.

View Quoted Comment

I agree completely

Maybe in other scenarios I would say keep it for the sentiment, i.e. heirloom like described above, but in this case I think you should change the ring because it's not what you talked about together and what you picked out and you don't want to spend the rest of your life looking at a ring and thinking "wow my husband really did not take my feelings into consideration at all when making this huge life decision." I talked to my now husband about the ring I wanted and was very specific so if he had bought me a completely different style, cut, etc I would have been so disappointed. It is NOT materialistic to want to feel like your opinion is valued.

However, don't forget to take return policy/cost into consideration. Diamonds are like cars, once they leave the store they depreciate and lose their value so you may not be able to get a different ring.

Thank you all for responding! I have decided to keep the ring! the sentimental value can never be replaced with another ring...i feel better now so i believe i made the right decision ☺️

You can ways get another cheaper ring that's more your style. Wear the one he proposed to you when you go out or dress up, but can wear the lease expensive one for everyday tasks that might damage your original.


I have silicone rings and a cheaper pretty ring that I can wear to work and if I'm working around the house and cleaning.

I’m glad you’re keeping your ring! We chose my ring together & I love it! I’ve seen other rings that are bigger, fancier etc & I think they’re gorgeous but I wouldn’t trade mine for anything! We’ve come so far both as a couple & individually- my rings represent so much!

That’s a hard one. I know you don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I would be hurt that he disregarded my wishes for something I’ll wear for the rest of my life.
Was he maybe talked into it by a pushy salesperson?

View Quoted Comment That’s what was hard for me! Because i did tell him what i liked and he knew. I never pushed a ring on him or ever brought it up so I’m thinking maybe he didn’t know how much i really was set on a cushion cut ring 😕

View Quoted Comment I feel like I was kinda obnoxious in a way LOL I said I had a few requirements - six prongs, not yellow gold and not heart or marquis shaped.
But..he is the sort who would want to know and a bit of an absentminded professor type.

View Quoted Comment Haha! That’s too funny...maybe i should’ve been more descriptive lmao

I also don't really love my ring. We had a ring picked out together but than he went with something else. I understand his reasons but was still disappointed. I told my FH. My ring now just doesn't have the dainty look I wanted. And since I never wear jewelry it feels giant to me. We decided if I still don't like it in a few years, we'll change the setting. I am okay with that. It's been a few months and while haven't really come around I do like it a little more now than in the beginning. I also think I will like it more when I'll wear it with my wedding band. That will definitely change the look. I also chose a wedding band that I like on its own, so I could also wear just the band. I am okay now with our decision to wait a few years. And maybe then I don't want to change it anymore. Because of the sentimental value. I would love to wear my wrong my entire love.

All that to say: I totally understand.

View Quoted Comment I agree 100% with this.
Honestly I compare the whole ring dislike to suddenly deciding you are no longer attracted to your significant other because they change their hair. It isn’t about the way the thing looks it’s the meaning and the love behind it.

If you don’t love it then I think you should change it. Your fiancé should want you to love it. So I get his feelings are hurt a bit, but he should want you to love your ring so he should re direct his energy toward getting a new ring together.

My ring isn't totally what i asked for. My grandma and mom said the same thing about theirs. We all kept them because of the sentimental value, and I have no regrets

View Quoted Comment Congrats on making a decision! I think you will be happy you kept the ring :-)
Get yourself a gorgeous wedding band!!