Want to "Uninvite" after sending Save the Date

I'd be upfront. I'd call her (or email) and tell her exactly what you said: "I did not realize that you had been lying and upsetting my mother. I am disappointed, as I had hoped we could have formed a relationship. Unfortunately, with this new information coming to light, I feel that I cannot disrespect my mother by having you come to the wedding."

What EricaTx said. Your family sounds like a Lifetime movie.

I just wouldn't send the formal invitation. Avoid the confrontation unless she brings it up in which case you can then give her your reasons. Most people get the hint when they don't receive that invitation. I've been uninvited from a wedding after receiving the save the date. It was for my ex's cousin's wedding. We split up before the invitations went out and obviously I didn't expect to receive one anyway.

I would be upfront but still polite by tiring something along the lines of "I'm glad your my sister but because of the family drama I would appreciate if you help calm the situation by not attending. (She's not dumb and will know what drama you are talking about) if we could catch up before or after I would love to have your company." I'm not in your shoes and have no idea how this would feel but I hope this helps.

I would call her out on it then tell her she is no longer welcome at your wedding for these reasons. People who are mean don't deserve etiquette.

You sent her the save the date. Okay. In this case I dont think you not sending her an invite to the wedding as anymore rude than what she did to your mom.

I'm sorry you're going through this! I am immensely protective of my mother, and would have no qualms about confronting the sister from your father's previous relationship.

Being direct may even open a line of communication between your mom and sister than can bring both parties to an understanding, although I would never recommend posing that to them at this time.

Try to avoid sounding like "you're meb to my mommy so I hate you" but be firm. Erika gave you a great template you can add to, and I like the idea of adding we can catch up at another time, but only if you mean it.

I'm guessing your sister is confused about the truth and is behaving this way because she is hurt. If she's just being a mean spirited person, leave out the catching up part.

Family issues can get sticky, but just remember that it shouldn't cloud your dream day!

Thanks for the advice, everyone! Lauren R., I wish I was making this stuff up... I even left out some juicy details for brevity and privacy reasons!

I'm torn about contacting her. She and I aren't close, though I was hoping to build a relationship with her. But judging by the way my other half siblings have treated (not well) me I'm afraid she will lash out at me and cause some unnecessary wedding drama. My FH also doesn't want to invite her now that he knows the story...

Does she know everything about the wedding from the save the date already? If not, you could just not follow up and take the easy way out. Not that this is elegant, but it might avoid drama. It doesn't sound like you would wanna build a relationship with this person though, so you might just have to tell her and rip of the bandage.

Does your save-the-date have your wedding website or the location of your wedding? If not, then no worries. Just don't send her an invitation.

Yes the website does have the details and location, but she lives across the country so I'm not even totally sure she was planning on coming!

Yes, confront her..if she has access to your wedding webpage, she could just show up to your wedding thinking the std was formal enough invite.

You know I would hate to feel like I was played. You sister damn well knew that she sent these nasty emails to your mom and she received a saved the date from you. I am pretty sure she had to have known that you probably didn't know or else you would not have invited her. I think that action was extremely manipulative and I think you should NOT invite her to the wedding. I would be straight forward about it.

Sorry I'm a bit sensitive today and I had to put my aunt in her place for disrespecting my mother.

She nor anyone with negative feelings will be invited to my wedding. Have several seats !!

Cut the cord. She clearly doesn't have your family's best interests at heart, so you all would be better off without. Your mother is priority here.

Well, considering it's been what 20? or more years since your fathers divorce and remarriage I find it strange that this is even going on. Be upfront. Don't be accusatory, but be honest and ask her about it. It's very disappointing and hurtful that after reconnecting with each other she is doing this to your mother.

Proper etiquette is one thing but I don't think it's meant to be adhered to when someones actions are less than worthy of an invite.

I hate it when people take out their anger and frustration on the wrong people. Especially when they don't know both sides of the story. They have no idea what the truth is. I'm kind of in the same situation as you are. My dad had 2 kids prior to my mother. He had left his first wife, met my mom shortly after, and had more kids. Our half brothers and sisters were lied to (from what I'm told) by their mother and in turn, they're very very rude to us. When my father was in hospice, my step mother and I didn't want the first kids coming to the hospital. My dad had tried reconnecting with them many many times throughout the years. My half sister told him that she hopes him and his family rot in hell. That was the end of that. My brothers thought it might be good for our father if they did come..... So they were notified and they showed up. The second my half sister came into that hospital room and started crying and calling him daddy, I flipped my lid. My brother had to carry me out of the hospital. She had later messaged my on FB asking me to send her some of dad's ashes, and I shot her down and added a few carefully thought out words. She's back to shit talking my brothers and myself and we could care less. Sorry I got off track. Since your save the date directs her to additional information, I would contact her just as Erica said, and put the kibosh on that before it gets out of hand. Whatever happened between your father and his ex wife was their business. Not any of his children's. And even if he did leave her for your mother, who's to say your mother even knew about his first wife and kids? Not to say that's what happened.... I'm just being hypothetical.

We had to not send an invitation to one couple we've known for years. The guy posted something extremely rude about my sister and her now husband on Facebook. Multiple people told him to delete it. My mother showed it to my father (they were hosting) and he said "No Way!" We agreed. I can't go into details but my sister could have filed a lawsuit/charges against him, for libel and racial imtimidation. 10 years of friendship down the drain, but they guy is well known for thinking he's funny, but he's not. We don't miss them, in our lives!

Agree with Erica and Denise!

I just had something similar happen with my step sibling. I haven't seen her in nearly 20 years and I thought things were cool, but I found out recently that she has been horrible to my father, who has done nothing but try to make her feel welcome while she continues to blow him off (she is from his first marriage). She received an STD, but she will not be receiving an invitation. No one who treats my parents like crap gets to attend my wedding - family or not - and I don't feel bad about it. You are completely justified in not having her be part of your day.

I had something happen similar to what you're going through- In situations like this, its unrealistic that they should expect and invitation.

As brides, we send out STD's about 12-10 months in advance typically. We cannot control some situations, or expect this to come up.... I think this is a grey area, and it should be evaluated on a case by case basis.