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Just Said Yes July 2019

Want to cancel

Jélym, on March 3, 2019 at 11:44 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 14

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My Fiancé and I knew we wanted to get married. We didn’t care much about a wedding but decided we will have one. Mainly to make my mothers dream come true. I am the i my girl.
I felt super excited about the wedding when we put down our deposit towards the venue.
However, we have a huge family. Which is ok!
But the stress level I am getting from family is overbearing. We are both very close to our families which is great. My family had a tradition (bc we’re so close) to always have our cousins as bridesmaids. Difference between them and myself is, I’m the only one who has family from both father & mother side. And since i am the only one without sisters, i have close girlfriends.
I chose to have my Girlfriends bc the wedding is all family. and i decided to not have any kids. Only my fiance’s And myself niece and nephews.
Thid has start chaos with my family bc i said no kids. And bc i didn’t put my cousins in the bridal party.
In a nutshell... we’ve been planning for about a month and every week I’m crying and want to cancel at least every single day.
Many fiancé asked me not to cancel it.
I even got a babysitter to stay in the hotel to watch the children for the 5 hours of the wedding.
if i have the kids from my side, i have to allow the kids from his side.
Idk how to get out of this. I still find it bazaar that the family is really taking this stuff personal.
I just want out of the wedding. Deposits have been made, my dress is bought... idk how to get out of this. I can’t deal with the stress.

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14 Comments

Latest activity by Jélym, on October 2, 2019 at 7:53 PM

Dedicated August 2019
Melanie · on March 4, 2019 at 12:17 AM
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One thing I’ve learned is you cannot please everyone. I am not sure who is contributing to the wedding but if either your family or FH’s family is paying for a portion, they should be allotted “x” amount of seats since essentially.
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Dedicated August 2019
Melanie · on March 4, 2019 at 12:19 AM
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Essentially paying for a portion of the wedding. But you shouldn’t be crying over your wedding. Talk with your family and let your FH talk to his side. Please don’t stress too much. It is you and the FH’s day. You do what you want to do. You should be able to pick who stands next to you at the alter. Good luck!
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Super June 2019
Tiffany · on March 4, 2019 at 12:21 AM
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Ugh. I’d just step away from family, and the wedding a bit. But if the family is not paying for everything then they can keep their opinions to themselves. Traditions are nice but aren’t for everyone, and they can’t dictate what you do with your wedding.
Just plan your own wedding and don’t include everyone in it.
While I feel very lonely during this with so little family, stories like yours make me grateful to not have the drama.
Remember, this is your wedding for you and FH. Not your family. They are guests.
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Master August 2021
Jasmine · on March 4, 2019 at 12:35 AM
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I was in the same boat to a certain extent and Melanie is right! Don't think about it too much. You'll definitely make people mad. It's inevitable. My fiance and I went from wanting to have the wedding in CA to NV back to CA, keeping others in mind the entire time. We ended up deciding on HI which we already knew MAYBE half would come. Just today we decided to have it on a beach and found out that only 10 people (including vendors) are allowed on that beach. Which means our wedding party and everyone else will no longer be able to be at or part of the ceremony except our immediate family!
We would still like people to attend a private luau event that we will consider the reception but that will depend on how many will still like to come even though they will miss the ceremony. In the end it will also still be like mini vacation for them and we will still go places and do other activities together in celebration. If they make it, fine. If not, it'll suck but it's what we want that works out best for us ya know?
I really hope you don't cancel. I get that family means something but that also means that family should know when to respect one's decisions and you have made yours. I hope everything in the end works out for you EXACTLY the way YOU want.
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Super July 2021
Alycia · on March 4, 2019 at 1:33 AM
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Consider having a wedding without attendants at all. If no one is a bridesmaid, no one can be angry about being left out.
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Super May 2018
Summer987 · on March 4, 2019 at 6:49 AM
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Keep the wedding planning and details between you and your fiancé. If you don't want kids stick to that don't allow anyone to push you into doing something you don't want to do. You dont have to have cousins as bridesmaids if you don't want. It's your choice noone else's. You don't people guilt you into things you and your fiancé need to be a united front. Keep details of the planning to yourself that way you don't have to here other people's opinions. If people ask things change the subject. You can say we haven't made a decision on that yet and change the subject.
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VIP March 2019
Yoice · on March 4, 2019 at 6:59 AM
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If you’re close to your family then you should be able to have a sit down and tell them the truth. Is honestly nonsense but guy have to realize you can’t please everyone. If you got a babysitter why are they complaining? They should be happy about that. I love kids but paying full price for a bunch of them and have them running around on the dance floor while the parents are drinking just doesn’t sit well with me. Parents night out on the other hand sounds ideal!
Now... you have only being planning for a month. I’m sorry to tell you but it gets worst! They’ll be more stress later on specially towards the end. If you don’t think you can take it then just elope. Try to get the money back from the deposit and stop all planning there. Throw a big party after you come back and take your wedding dress to a beautiful place and elope. Make sure you hire a wedding photographer.
Good luck!
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VIP September 2019
Melissa · on March 4, 2019 at 8:01 AM
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It is your day. Stop involving them in the wedding planning process. You don’t need to have a wedding exactly like everyone else in your family has had. Be unique.
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Just Said Yes October 2019
Amy · on March 4, 2019 at 8:12 AM
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We had already booked a venue and bought a dress for a traditional wedding, and just last Friday we changed our minds and decided to rent a large airbnb in the mountains and limit our guest list. This cut down the stress SO much because it's a lot easier to explain why my large family didn't get invited (who I'm not very close to). I can't get our venue deposit back so that sucks, but I was able to exchange my dress for bridal accessories and now my MIL is helping me make my wedding dress. I know our situations vary a lot, but do whatever is best for you. I spent the last few months crying and stressing out because I was more focused on making my wedding work for everyone else, instead of focusing on me and my fiancé. Now that the focus is back on me and my fiancé, I'm a lot less stressed and way more excited.
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Beginner November 2019
Carrie · on March 4, 2019 at 8:46 AM
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Your fiance sounds excited to be able to share this moment with you, so don't let your family insist on doing it their way. Cousins or family can be a bigger part of making your day more perfect if they have skills and time to donate into planning, can anyone do makeup or hair, decorating/floral design for the hall or ceremony, photographer, wedding coordinator, plan a bridal shower or bachelorette party, etc. Wedding planning is overwhelming, keeping it about you and your future husband is most important. It will help you get your smile back.
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VIP March 2019
Yoice · on March 4, 2019 at 9:10 AM
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This is a great idea! Once people receive it you’ll be at the cruise so they can’t contact you. Very smart.
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Dedicated April 2021
Disneybride · on March 4, 2019 at 9:18 AM
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I'm sorry hugs you can't please everyone do what you want
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Devoted May 2019
Sarah · on March 4, 2019 at 9:24 AM
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There's nothing wrong with you choosing your girlfriends to be your bridesmaids and if that's what you want, you shouldn't change that to appease people who can't act grown enough and lose the entitlement, tradition or not. This day is about you and your fiance, not everyone else in my personal opinion. I would keep the planning just to yourself. If anyone brings it up, just say things are moving along but we want to keep it private. And if they badger you about how they don't like something, let them know that it's not up for discussion and the guidelines are already set in place. Sometimes you have to be firm but brutally honest with people. If they think they can push you enough to get your way, they will do just that. I'm speaking from personal experience as a people pleaser. I didn't even want to tell my mom my wedding would be out of state, because she's not very nice about stuff if its something she doesn't like. I hope this didn't come off harsh, I'm typing it very nicely, I just don't want you to cry anymore! This is a happy time in your life, don't allow others to take away from that. Sending you positive vibes!
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Just Said Yes July 2019
Jélym · on October 2, 2019 at 7:53 PM
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Thank you everyone. Things got a bit crazy but i did read all of your messages when you wrote them. Wedding turned out to be great. Family turned out to be very supportive. In the end, it was my DJ who changed up all the plans but that’s another story.
i appreciate each and every one of you. God bless.
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