Futuremrsm
Devoted October 2020

Walking down the aisle?

Futuremrsm, on November 1, 2019 at 9:32 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 17
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My parents are divorced. My relationship with my dad is not the best. Its actually (from my standpoint) just a relationship where we are civil.
Long story short, he was very mentally abusive to my sister and I when we were growing up. Because of this I have a lot of body image issues and have had to go to therapy. Its given me severe depression and anxiety that I had to be medicated for at some point. I barely see him because he makes comments about my appearance every time I do. In my teenage years he just stopped speaking to me for 3 whole years for something stupid. I ended up being the bigger person and reaching out to him. I have not gotten an apology, and I know I never will.

So basically, he is lucky he is even invited to my wedding. In his eyes our relationship is like nothing bad ever happened.
But in recent conversations it seems like he is under the impression that I am supposed to ask him to walk me down the aisle, and make a big deal out of it.

Am I supposed to ask him? I thought it was always assumed that your dad walked you down the aisle and there was no discussion about it. I guess he wants me to make him feel all special and like dad of the year, but that will happen.

I'm at that point where if he wants to walk me down the aisle, he can offer. But if he doesn't I'm fine having my mom walk me or walking alone.

17 Comments

  • Futuremrsm
    Devoted October 2020
    Futuremrsm ·
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    To add: he is severely narcissistic, so sitting him down and talking about how I feel isn't an option. In his mind, he is always right and I am always wrong.
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  • Hannah
    Dedicated November 2019
    Hannah ·
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    I’m in a very similar boat.... I haven’t even lived in his house for 4 years, so I don’t know why he expects me to ask him. No one else in the family is on good terms with him. He’s invited because I could either have both my divorced parents there, or neither, and I didn’t want neither.

    Quite honestly, I’ve been living with my fiancé all that time, and we are the best of friends.

    our guest list is only 10 people, all family, it’s a casual garden wedding, outdoors, and only 15 minutes long before snacks.

    so we said “We’re doing what we want.”
    and My fiancé and I are walking down together after First Look photos. Smiley smile

    My dad hasn’t said anything, or even asked who is walking me down. But if he does, it’s too late to plan something now. I already know what I want, and he needs to respect that.
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  • Amber
    Rockstar February 2020
    Amber Online ·
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    I'm sorry your dad put you through that and still continues to do so. He doesn't deserve to walk you down the aisle. You should ask your mom to walk you instead, unless you'd rather walk alone.

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  • Sara
    Dedicated September 2019
    Sara ·
    • Flag

    I have the same relationship with my father. Very mentally abusive growing up, sees no fault of his own. He was invited to both of my weddings (10 years ago - ended in divorce, and in September) and he didn't walk me down either time. And he didn't ask. My mom walked me the first time and I walked myself the second. He was invited because we have a civil relationship and I didn't want to get grief from my grandmother. It's your wedding - you do what is best for you.

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  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
    • Flag

    These days it is not assumed that the father will walk the bride down the aisle. Some brides choose to walk alone or with someone else in their life. I don't think you need to make a huge deal out of it, but if you want him to walk you, you should make the ask. If you don't want him to walk you, then find another option and let him know that.

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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn Online ·
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    This. In my opinion, he shouldn’t walk you down the aisle in the first place, but if you do want him to you should ask. It doesn’t have to be a big production though.
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  • Brianna
    Dedicated December 2019
    Brianna ·
    • Flag
    I think you should keep in mind a couple things.

    ) the pictures that come from walking down the isle are beautiful. Who do you want in them?
    2) the person who walks you down the isle is your last person available to straighten your tiara or say “you’ve got this” if you are nervous. Who will be your best support?

    You have a right to feel confident that the person walking you down the isle will be the best person for those roles. With that in mind, who is the best person to walk you down the isle?
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  • Jodie
    Devoted August 2020
    Jodie ·
    • Flag

    I personally wouldn't want someone like that involved in my wedding in any way other than guest (maybe)...so I would either ask mom or go alone.

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  • Samantha
    Dedicated July 2020
    Samantha ·
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    Are him and your mom civil with each other? You could have both of them, otherwise i was going to suggest just having your mom as well

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  • J
    Super April 2020
    Jennifer ·
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    I wouldn't let him walk you down at all. Have your mom do it! She was the better parent and deserves that honor, not him. Good luck! Smiley smile

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  • Futuremrsm
    Devoted October 2020
    Futuremrsm ·
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    Nope. He refuses to speak with her because of their divorce that was like 18 years ago. Has never coparented with her or anything
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  • Cherry
    Dedicated February 2020
    Cherry ·
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    We're doing the same thing - we're having a first look and then we're walking down together.

    Erica, I think you first have to decide if you even want your dad to walk you down the aisle. It doesn't sound like he's been a great support to you, and may even trigger negative feelings on your special day. Just because he wants to doesn't entitle him to it.

    If you decide you do want him to walk you, prepare yourself for more drama from him, just in case. And remember: just because you've made a decision doesn't mean you can't change your mind later.

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  • Andrea
    VIP April 2020
    Andrea ·
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    My dad wasn't abusive to me, but he wasn't always around. He'd make simple promises like picking us up, and he would usually flop. I'm OKAY with him now, and he's thrilled he has 2 granddaughters. However, I could never have him walk me down the aisle. It just doesn't make sense. "Giving me away" would be a ridiculous notion in my situation, because he wasn't really there for me to give me away. I want to walk down the aisle alone in the arms of my fiance. It's not to get back at my dad or anything, it just makes me so uncomfortable to even think about him walking me down the aisle. Don't feel obligated or make anyone bully you into making him walk you down the aisle. You should walk with your mom if you have a great relationship or another loved one, or just alone. All the bestSmiley heart

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  • Laura
    Rockstar October 2019
    Laura ·
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    I would just have your mom do it. Giving a bride away is an honor and should be done by someone you feel has supported you. It doesn't sound like he deserves that honor.

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  • Jade
    Devoted March 2021
    Jade ·
    • Flag
    First off, I’m so sorry you have to go through this. I see how frustrating this must be for you. However, ultimately it is YOUR special day! I would do what feels 100% good for you in your heart. Good luck to you in making this decision! Sending you happy vibes 🤗💗
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  • Alejandra
    Expert November 2020
    Alejandra ·
    • Flag

    To me it doesn't sound like he should be walking you down the aisle at all, asked or not. My parents are divorced, and it ended horribly and my dad said some horrible stuff to me. I have also been in therapy since then and I haven't spoken to him because his condition is that I have to accept his new wife (the woman he cheated on my mom with) or no deal. I refuse to have someone like that in my life, so I asked my uncle/godfather to walk me down the aisle. He said yes. So my advice would be to find someone else. But in general, yes, its understand that a father walks their daughter down the aisle.

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  • Suzie
    Devoted October 2020
    Suzie ·
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    Agreed. Im not even inviting my dad, we don’t have a great relationship and I know he wouldn’t even go. He didn’t go to my sister’s, even though she offered to pay for his plane ticket and hotel. My mom is walking me down, she’s always been the one there for me, so that’s how it should be. Do not feel obligated whatsoever. Let him feel entitled as a GUEST. He is lucky you’ve even extended that much to him. If he mentions it again, just let him know you’ve made other arrangements but are glad he can attend as a guest.

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