Walking down the aisle

Honestly, do what is right for you. You want to walk with your cousin...do it! I have been toying with walking myself down the aisle. My biological dad wasn't really there for me growing up and my step dad (raised me since I was 2) passed away a couple of years ago. It feels strange to have a stranger walk me down the aisle for such a big day.

I get that you don't want any feelings hurt but do what will make you happy.

My sister, who is not particularly close with our father, asked me to walk her down the aisle. I accepted. Her reasoning is that we are close siblings and she wants someone she knows she can count on to provide some stability and reassurance at the head of the aisle. The way I see it, fathers spend a lifetime auditioning for the role of walking their daughter down the aisle, but that doesn't mean they're guaranteed the part. Pick the person who makes you comfortable, stand your ground (be polite, yet firm) and be prepared to rationalize your decision if pressed.

Walk with whomever you are most comfortable with. If that's your cousin, so be it. Your dad passed up his chance to step up and your step dad should sit quietly knowing that you don't get along and he's relatively new in your life.

I'm in a similar, but not the same kind of situation with my dad. He is ok with walking me down the aisle with my step dad, but told me just to dance with my step dad when I brought up the idea of splitting the dance between them. I'm very close with my step dad and have never really been close to my biological dad. It honestly wouldn't surprise me if my bio dad didn't show up. It sucks! No matter how many chances I give my dad to step up and be there, he disappoints me every time. Don't beat yourself up over his selfishness.

Whatever you decide, don't let anyone make you feel bad about it.

@nenabear same with my dad, I've given him so many chances! It's like he just doesn't care anymore.

Thanks guys. I'm the type to beat myself up over other people's unhappiness.

Do what makes YOU happy! My cousin had her mom walk her down the aisle. Her sister pushed for their dad to walk her down the aisle, but she stood firm and said she would prefer their mom did.

Yup do whatever makes you happy! I'm not even inviting my father to my wedding. Hes a dead beat who just now is trying to fit back in my life. I asked my brother (older) to walk me down / "give me away". My mom felt offended I didn't ask her FH to walk me down. First off we hardly get along, secondly he came into my life when I was already 22 with a baby and third it's always been me and my brother, he is my father figure. She eventually got over it and FH asked him to be a GM so he was still included.

ETA- My moms FH also has daughters of his own who aren't married yet (one of which is one of my BMs) and I'm sure she would be so hurt watching him give someone else besides her or her sister away.

I'd just be careful about how you handle it. I think it's fine for you to do your cousin, but you're pretty far out and this doesn't need to be decided until like a month before. It may seem to them that you picked your cousin to "spite" them, if you're going around telling everyone. From now on when the topic is brought up, i'd just let them know you haven't decided but are worried about more important things like food or something. Sorry you're going through this!

Also i don't think I'd be offended watching my dad give away my step sister at a wedding that was before mine. It's an "honor" that takes about 15 seconds, and will still be equally special for theres.

It's REALLY hard not to beat yourself up, but it's not going to change him. Man! I just read an article on facebook yesterday about toxic parents! I'll try to find it for you. It was great.

Edit: FOUND IT!! http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/20/health/20mind.html?_r=0

Emily - Depends on this situation. He's only been in my life for 3 years (and I'm 25), his daughter is only 19 and gets offended / jealous very easily. Especially when it comes to him (her dad). Now had he raised me that would be a completely different story.

ETA- Shes his oldest at that. LoL

I invited my biological dad, who did not raise me. So my wonderful mom will walk me down. .

Go with your original instinct and walk with your cousin. Tell your dad his reaction to your engagement is why you went elsewhere and your step-dad should have never assumed he would get that honor.

I'm talking about a situation where the ONLY reason would be because of a jealous sister, I think it would still be worth it to ask. Seems like there's other issues with your circumstance, but I know in my situation I wouldn't let that stop me from someone I wanted to. I'd at least talk to my sister before ruling out the option if that's really what i wanted.

Emily- Yeah I definitely agree. If I wanted him to walk me down, I wouldn't let that stop me lol.