My father and I have an incredibly rocky relationship. My childhood was...bad. Now that I'm 30 it's tolerable. It helps that I moved over 2 hours away. We don't scream at each other for hours on end. But I have zero attachment to him walking me down the aisle. My mom will be walking with me as well(that's what really matters to me). So I don't really care if he's there or not as long as she's there. I'm not even sure he cares if he's part of it. Closer to the day of I'm going to talk to him about it.
What I'm struggling with FH family is super traditional. They also don't know our history. If I dont include him they'll see it as disrespectful. For example, I'm doing a mother daughter dance instead(I've yet to tell them). The officiant is a family member and said it's about myself and my father since he's giving me away. I didn't know how to respectfully say I'm not his to give away. I won't fight hard to have him walk me down the aisle because I'm neutral about it as long as my mom is there. But FH's family doesnt know the relationship with my father and I'm not sure I should share.