Dedicated September 2021

Walk down the aisle

MLS, on February 21, 2021 at 12:39 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 8
My father and I have an incredibly rocky relationship. My childhood was...bad. Now that I'm 30 it's tolerable. It helps that I moved over 2 hours away. We don't scream at each other for hours on end. But I have zero attachment to him walking me down the aisle. My mom will be walking with me as well(that's what really matters to me). So I don't really care if he's there or not as long as she's there. I'm not even sure he cares if he's part of it. Closer to the day of I'm going to talk to him about it.

What I'm struggling with FH family is super traditional. They also don't know our history. If I dont include him they'll see it as disrespectful. For example, I'm doing a mother daughter dance instead(I've yet to tell them). The officiant is a family member and said it's about myself and my father since he's giving me away. I didn't know how to respectfully say I'm not his to give away. I won't fight hard to have him walk me down the aisle because I'm neutral about it as long as my mom is there. But FH's family doesnt know the relationship with my father and I'm not sure I should share.


Latest activity by Maggie, on February 22, 2021 at 4:11 PM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag
    It’s not really any of their business unless you want to share. If they want to be judgmental, that’s their issue not yours.
    • Reply
  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    I agree with this. It's none of their business
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Don't share details with anyone.

    • Reply
  • Fred
    Expert April 2022
    Fred ·
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    I agree with previous posters.
    Only 2 opinions should matter, regardless of how much traditional is family his: yours and your fiance's. Would you want FH's family have a say on the dress you will wear, where you will live, when you should have your first kid if you plan to have one, on picking the babie's names,godparents ?
    The same about your officiant, family member or not. Once you cave in because of someone other than your fiance, you open the door for this kind of behavior and they will push more. 100% sure.When it comes to the mother-daughter dance you wabt and mom walking you down the aisle , your FH should be 100% supportive (I assume he is) and you don't have to share this story with his family.
    It's your and your man's day, not their., So do what you and your man want. They are supposed to support you.As if the marriage wouldn't be valid if dad doesn't walk you down the aisle ...
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar April 2021
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    Definitely doesn’t matter what others think. Apparently you have a beautiful, wonderful relationship with your mother- that’s awesome!
    • Reply
  • Amanda
    Savvy April 2022
    Amanda ·
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    My mother will also be walking me down the Isle. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your FH's family, but I have found it is much easier to just be up front with my FH's family. Even though its not any of their business; doesn't mean they wont voice their opinions and be obnoxious about it. I would talk to your FH about this situation and between the two of you decided how to explain this to his family. There is a chance just because they are traditional doesn't mean they are ridged beyond flexibility. Ignorance seems the be the reason this could cause some animosity between you and your FH's family.

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  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
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    My mother refused to come to the wedding because of our invitations, and made her entire family decline to come as well.

    While DH's family has some awareness of the issue, we didn't bring it up, and neither did they. (If they do, *that is terribly rude, crosses major boundaries, and your FH should immediately shut it down*.)

    Have your mom walk you down the aisle and do your dance with her, and if anyone tries to be catty about it, have one of your BP escort them from the room.

    • Reply
  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag

    "What I'm struggling with FH family is super traditional. They also don't know our history. If I dont include him they'll see it as disrespectful."

    I agree with everyone else that your future in-laws don't get a say on these type of decisions (they literally won't be affected either way!). Definitely don't let them use "traditions" to strong-arm you into things you don't want to do. Traditions vary widely among families, regions, social classes, ethnicities. What is traditional to them has no bearing on you.

    I also agree that the best way to deal with this is to share as few details as possible with the people that get no say. Keep all of these discussions between you and your future spouse and make sure you two present a united front. Simply smile, nod, and change the subject if the future in-laws ask personal questions or offer unwanted opinions.

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