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Champion June 2019

Vows—i’m being a perfectionist

Gen, on April 15, 2019 at 1:31 PM Posted in Wedding Ceremony 0 11

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I’m making myself crazy over this. I started writing my vows literally a year ago. I have written about 15 drafts since then... and every time I write one, I just keep thinking it’s not good enough, that it’s either missing something or that it’s too long. Or both. And at this point I feel like I’ve edited it and rewritten it so many times that I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore.

I KNOW I am overthinking this. I was an English major in college with a minor in Creative Writing... I have literally written novels in less time than it’s taken me to write this 1 page of vows 😂 it would be almost humorous if it wasn’t so stressful. I feel like this is the most important thing I’ll ever have to write, and I’m just putting sooo much pressure on myself and I know I’m being way too much of a perfectionist but I can’t seem to stop.

Anyone else struggling like this? How many different versions did you go through before you felt you had it right? Did you ever feel like you finally had it perfect or did you just say “good enough” and leave it??

I’m sure I’m not the only one putting too much emphasis on this :p

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11 Comments

Latest activity by Pirate & 60s Bride, on April 17, 2019 at 1:47 PM

Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on April 15, 2019 at 1:41 PM
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It’s sweet but you are stressing a bit much. Why not write your sweetheart a letter and keep your vows short & sweet (no guest wants to hear a page or even 1/2 page of vows. 😳).

My hubby & I sat on the couch, wrote ours, then shared. We decided 3 sentences each had a nice rhythm. Done. ✅
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Expert June 2019
Cynthia · on April 15, 2019 at 2:51 PM
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I am having the same problem!!!! And it's the only thing driving me insane at this point.
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Master April 2019
Brittany · on April 15, 2019 at 3:04 PM
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This was me. It almost felt like...no combination of words would ever be good enough for this day. I don't know why I felt that way, writing has always been my strong suit...
Long story short, we are going to use vows that my officiant has provided. I still intended to write a card to FH for him to read that morning, and include some of the vows I had worked on up to that point. And even when I sat down to write that (a simple card) I had trouble. I just feel like nothing will ever be quite good enough. It's such an important day. So I felt like the words should be the absolute best. And I just felt like anything I wrote came up short.
I'm sorry I don't have actual advice. Just commiserating. I was running out of time so it had to be "good enough" and leave it at that. It's bothersome to me but I know FH will love what I wrote and that's all that matters. If he cries in our wedding video reading it, I'll count it as a win
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Champion June 2019
Gen · on April 15, 2019 at 3:08 PM
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This is exactly how I feel too!! I can’t bring myself to give up and not read our own vows at the ceremony though... idk if this is weird too, but before I even met FH, like growing up when I would imagine “my wedding” for some reason writing and reading my own vows was a HUGE thing I looked forward to. Maybe because I’ve always been such a writer, I thought this would be an aspect of my wedding that was both enjoyable and important. Proving to be yes important, but no longer enjoyable 😂 but since writing my own vows has been something I’ve literally fantasized about for as long as I can remember, I can’t bring myself to give that up! My mom is saying go just not look at it again until the week before. But I feel like I’ll have even more trouble doing it then because I do NOT do well under pressure.

Agghh
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Champion June 2019
Gen · on April 15, 2019 at 3:09 PM
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I’m glad it isn’t just me! But sorry you are dealing with this too 😣 how do you think you’re going to handle it?
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Expert June 2019
Cynthia · on April 15, 2019 at 3:13 PM
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I'm sorry you are dealing with this as well! And I hope it gets easier for you. I'm not exactly sure. I took a break for writing everything done but I might try later tonight and see how it goes. I have all these feelings and amazing memories with my FH. It's just hard to put it all into words.
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Champion June 2019
Gen · on April 15, 2019 at 3:20 PM
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I know, when I wrote it all out it was way too long so I cut out a lot of it but then I feel like it was too choppy and didn’t even fully convey what I was trying to say... now I’m feeling like I need to start totally from scratch again and just say something that’ll be overall less content to get across. But then I feel like THATS overthinking it too. ...what a mess
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September 2019
Elise · on April 17, 2019 at 8:19 AM
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That is because no words can ever describe what it feels like to love somebody like this, I think. Regardless, have you tried reading your vows out loud and practiced saying them? If not, that might help a lot.
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Super July 2019
Crystal · on April 17, 2019 at 8:25 AM
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So I'm trying to write the perfect vows, my fh said he is going to wing it lol
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VIP April 2019
Nikita · on April 17, 2019 at 8:26 AM
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I love the letter suggestion! My husband and I were talking about doing our own vows. But he was so nervous up there already, I'm glad we didn't. I'm not sure he would have gotten through them! I always love hearing them at weddings, but the short and sweet ones are definitely the best.
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on April 17, 2019 at 1:47 PM
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Yay! A letter is great because each person can get as mushy as they want without saying all that in front of guests. My hubby & I were going to just say the standard vows but our officiant suggested we write our own.
OMG, I know. As a guest, I'm not a fan of long vows or speeches. Short & sweet so we can all start celebrating!
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