Vows Question!

Hi! We are going to write our own vows as well, although I have no idea where to actually start with that... anyway, our photographer suggested reading our vows during our first look. That way they can be very intimate and unfiltered. We will either use the same vows or modify them slightly for reading during the ceremony.


I don’t think that you need to tell anyone that you have said your vows privately. I think you can decide what you want to share, but for me I would want to share some version of my vows, traditional or not, because that’s a large part of why I’m inviting my loved ones (and also part of what they are there for).

This is so beautiful ❤️ I think a private moment and traditional vows would be sweet❤️ But ultimately up to you and your FH ❤️

I would definitely say some kind of vows during the ceremony, otherwise, what will it consist of? We’re doing something similar. We wrote our own vows to read to each other in private after the ceremony and also wrote our own version of the “repeat after me” vows. They consist of things that mean the most to us; loyalty, respect, and putting our family first. We will both repeat the same vows.

View Quoted Comment Thanks so much for your comment! We were also planning to do it right after our first look(: I was thinking of doing a shortened version! Another issue is that we are both pretty anxious people and I don’t wanna be too nervous at the alter!!

View Quoted Comment Yeah we were always planning to do some type of vow during the ceremony we just don’t know if we should do traditional repeat after me or like a snippet of the vows we wrote to each other

View Quoted Comment You’re welcome! I hadn’t been considering that at all because for some reason I thought it would be silly to say them twice, but when our photographer explained the idea we were both like ‘yes, obviously’.


That’s definitely smart to read them early then! I’m nervous that I’ll get stage fright walking down the aisle, but hopefully when I am standing in front of FH we won’t be so conscious of everybody watching.

If you want to read them to each other privately, I don't think it needs to be addressed. I also don't think two sets of vows takes anything away. We had two ceremonies. One with vows written by our officiant, the other we wrote the vows ourselves. Both had such significance for us and seemed to capture everything we wanted to promise to each other in their own ways. I would stick with your plan of sharing them privately, then allow your officiant to write vows for you. Depending on how the officiant works they may either stick to traditional vows, or slightly tailor them to you anyway. Discuss what feels right for you. Happy planning.

View Quoted Comment Thanks for this! That’s what we are most likely going to end up doing

We did something similar. We did it before the ceremony and our videographer recorded it so we will always have that moment captured. We wrote ours in letters and read them (separately) right before our first look. Then we said traditional vows during the ceremony. It did not make what we did privately any less special. It was actually a very emotional moment both times.