Vows Compromise?

My FH is similar - less about nerves and more about not wanting intimate vows made so public. However, I am an open book and am excited to tell him how much I love him in front of everyone. What we are doing is writing out long vows and exchanging them during our first look. At the altar we plan to do just a few sentences from those vows and also do some repeat after me vows.

It's very sweet that he's willing to do the vows because he knows how much it means to you. And I think it's very sweet that you are looking to find maybe more of a compromise. I think you'll find a happy medium for you both - just keep throwing out ideas and talking it through with each other. Make sure he knows how much you're considering his feelings here too.

I would be in a serious panic if FH said he wanted to say actual vows in front of that many people. Like panic. To the point of throwing up and dread walking down the aisle and every moment until it was done and over with. And even then, I really don't want to say stuff like that in front of literally anyone else. Maybe read them to each other ahead of time or write them down and exchange them before the ceremony?

We are doing repeat-after-me vows, but thinking about writing something to share in private later. We're both willing to say more without an audience, and we can make it as special or as casual as we want on our own time.

I know that my fiancee will not be able to get through reading vows (he's 6'5" & 280lbs, but a big softie), and have no problem with repeating back to the officiant. We can still write them how we want them, but in a "repeat after me" format. I'd never want him to be uncomfortable on one of the most important days of our lives.

This is almost exactly how FH and I feel about our vows. I wanted us to each write our own, and FH agreed to do it because he knew how important it was to me. He later acknowledged that he really does not want to write his own vows (but will, for me). He doesn't like to share his emotions or talk about them, and especially not in front of so many people.

So I think a compromise is that we will write them together so our vows are the same. There are a lot of samples and examples online if you're looking for some ideas or guidance on where to start!

So my FH is the same way, our compromise was to write our vows and say them before the wedding but have our videographer record it and add it to our tape. We will be on opposite sides of the door so we can't see each other and in my mind, it should be super cute lol hopefully it plays out right.