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Future Mrs. Busch
Beginner May 2022

Vow renewal

Future Mrs. Busch, on May 19, 2023 at 1:01 PM Posted in Married Life 0 6
I've been married for a little over a year, 4/23/22 it's been great. Our wedding didn't go so well.
My mom threw a fit, she wasnt thr center of attention my husband and I didn't get many pictures of us . My planner was awful, was late, threw away a 6,000 cake, no one really danced. They caught up haven't seen eachother in a year due to covid. I forgot my vows My planner gave my husband the okay to leave to get the kids packed in the car with my inlaws as I was throwing the bouquet leaving me embarrassed and sitting alone on the dance floor. For the garter toss. For 2 songs let's say awkward. I'm currently in therapy. So my therapist and husband suggested we do a vow renewal but how do we go about doing one I don't want a wedding but would love to renew our vows, and have a reception afterwards.
What does a vow renewl look like?


Latest activity by Cece, on May 20, 2023 at 10:52 AM
  • LM
    Expert December 2022
    LM ·
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    I would suggest a private vow renewal and trip, something totally different to emphasize that other people-- not Mom, not the planner-- are more important than your marital commitment. Also, many on WW have been saddened at high declines for their vow renewals or delayed receptions. Guests may be more likely to attend a 10-year anniversary or housewarming. Best wishes and Happy 1-year Anniversary.

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  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
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    A vow renewal can look however you'd like it to! You and your husband, kids, and any guests you may want to invite. You could wear your dress again, say your vows, etc. I love the idea that LM suggested - you could do a private destination vow renewal and make it a vacation for just your family. Some resorts provide an officiant: when I was in Hawaii, the resort we stayed at offered vow renewals on the beach. You could also book a photographer if you wanted, and/or treat your guests to a fancy meal or a sunset dinner cruise on a boat or even go to your favorite local restaurant as your reception. Or you could do a larger event similar to your original reception. The only things you should skip for a vow renewal are bridal showers and bachelorette parties. Congratulations on your first year of marriage!
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  • C
    CM ·
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    Personally, I'm of the view that vows don't expire regardless of what does or does not go right at a reception. The big things that did go wrong are fixable, for example a photo session with a photographer. I wouldn't care who did and didn't dance or anything about a garter toss.

    But this is about you and you obviously care enough that it is weighing you down with regret. If you are still motivated you can host a big anniversary party in the future, or go off with just your husband for a private vacation and celebration of marriage now. I would not host a vow renewal including the same guests anytime soon, though.

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  • MrsC
    Devoted June 2023
    MrsC ·
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    I'm so sorry your wedding day didn't quite go as planned, but I am glad that you are enjoying married life. I understand your wanting a do-over but as CM pointed out, try to get past what didn't go as planned. Vows are, of course, non-expiring but many couples like to renew and refresh their love and commitment and to celebrate. That said, let me ask: did you have a church wedding? If so, you might ask the officiant or another one, how to plan a "vow renewal" ceremony. If it was a non-religious ceremony, you may wish to choose a setting like a beautiful garden or park, wear your wedding attire again, or something similar and appropriate, and recite something you've written for eachother. If possible, have your original attendants, or at least the MOH and BM participate. Perhaps follow that with a brunch or luncheon,or cake, hors d'oeuvres & champagne at a nearby nice restaurant or outdoor venue for a few chosen guests. Or, in lieu of a party, you and hubby take a 2nd honeymoon trip. I am Roman Catholic and two of my friends from church and their husbands celebrated their 50th wedding anniversaries with a short ceremony at the end of one of our regular Sunday Masses, then they each had a dinner party for about 50-60 family members and close friends. (My husband and I were honored to have been invited and attended both.) They, and other Catholic couples having "landmark" anniversaries can also get invited to a special Mass at the cathedral of the archdiocese, and receive special certificates. My husband & I will attend one of these Masses in 2 years for our 40th anniversary. However this year, we are having a "convalidation" wedding ceremony at church because we couldn't have a Catholic wedding back then. It's like a vow renewal, only it's actually a wedding and we will receive the Sacrament of Matrimony. It will be very small: the ceremony will take place during a regular Sunday morning choir Mass - a traditional exchange of vows and we will exchange our original wedding bands. Our son will be BM, my best friend, also the church music director, will be MOH. Hubby is wearing a formal black suit, white shirt, tie. I have a street-length ivory lace dress ensemble, matching shoes, a small bow with a little veil headpiece and I'll carry a small bouquet. Our grandchildren will participate too. That afternoon, the MOH & her husband are hosting a wedding dinner at a nearby elegant restaurant, just 8 of us including the priest. There will be a wedding cake with our original Precious Moment Bride and Groom figurine on top, and favors, flowers and photos. Then hubby and I will have a 3 day honeymoon (we never had one 38 years ago - we bought a house and had a baby instead.) Perhaps this will give you some ideas and inspiration. The idea, IMO, is to keep the happy memories of your wedding, then layer in some new memories. Perhaps you can start a tradition of celebrating anniversaries. 38 years ago, we had a small church wedding, a champagne, hors d'oeuvres, wedding cake and coffee reception for the guests at church in the church hall. At night, we had a wedding dinner with 12 close family and friends, at a lovely elegant restaurant in a restored 300 year old Dutch farmhouse. Then every 5 years, (too expensive to go every year) until our 35th when sadly the restaurant closed down, we celebrated our anniversaries there. Best Wishes for a Happy Anniversary and many more!

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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle Online ·
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    There is no wedding anywhere where everything goes 100% perfect and couples generally do not decide to renew as a do-over of the day as a result. Also vows don’t expire. A renewal will not magically remove all the bad things that happened on the wedding day, nor is it intended to. You are entitled to feel disappointed that things didn’t go as you hoped, but that’s part of life as a mature adult. Many things will go wrong in life but wedding vows is the only thing that you can renew or do over, but doing so won’t change the fact that vendors didn’t show up or didn’t do their jobs, things ran late, people made inappropriate comments, and the list goes on. When people do renew vows, they wait for a major milestone such as 25 or 50 years, not 6-24 months after the wedding day. At the end of the day, even the “real weddings” that couples choose to have for a large group family and friends following the private legal ceremony where the marriage certificate is signed and there is no other festivities on the legal wedding day, is a renewal of vows. Because the legal part is the wedding, which by definition is the act of becoming wedded/married. A party at a later date where no legality takes place is not a wedding, despite trying to modify definitions.

    Grieve whatever bad happened and leave it all in the past, and focus on your married lives beyond the wedding day. Seriously look into a therapist on how to move forward because dwelling on past bad situations doesn’t help you overcome them in a positive manner and it only makes depression manifest and fester.
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  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    Girl, don’t worry about the negative Nancys on here 😆 There is nothing wrong with renewing your vows after a year, or hosting a celebration with your loved ones. You want it, your husband wants it, and your therapist suggests it - that’s all that matters! There is no one way a vow renewal works. It can be anything you and your spouse want! You could literally host another full-on “wedding” with all the bells and whistles (wedding dress, cake, DJ, photographer, etc.), you could do a very small event, or even a destination vow renewal with just your spouse - you could choose a location special to the 2 of you, or pick a location you’ve been wanting to vacation in. Go as big or as small as you want! If you are wanting to host a celebration with friends and family, I agree that you may want to wait until a milestone anniversary to do it if you want the best turnout (people are more likely to show up for a 5 year celebration than a 2 year celebration). But if turnout isn’t important or if you want to just do a romantic renewal with your hubby, then choose the time that works best for you. Since a lot of the issues at your wedding seemed to stem from outside parties, a private getaway with your husband may be the best option. Then you won’t have the wildcard of others’ behaviors or shortcomings affecting your celebration again. You could take a week (or even just a long weekend getaway) to a dream vacation location, renew your vows in a beautiful spot (the beach, the mountains, a waterfall, etc.) and get breathtaking photos. Then have a romantic dinner at a gorgeous restaurant. Your money goes a lot further with a destination vow renewal- you get to spend it all on fun experiences for the 2 of you, rather than hosting others.
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