Very opinionated mother-in-law

Can I ask if your FMIL is contributing to the wedding?

He makes time to do it; this is his battle to fight and unless you want to talk about this every week, he needs to put the conversation to an end.

Don't cave; if she thinks this is important enough for her to come to your wedding in a polo shirt and leave early, then she does it. The only one who looks wacky is her.

Your FH needs to step in and talk to her. If she wants to wear jeans, let her. I'm sure she will change her attitude if you don't let her get a rise out of you.

Stand your ground. Don't talk wedding around her. If she brings it up, change the subject. Get FH on the same

Page as you and let him know when the topic comes to attention he needs to be the one to address it.

And you can't tell FMIL what to wear. If she shows up looking ridiculous, that reflects on her, not you.

@Boinkin she might be giving some money but that is on the fence too she does not work and lives month to month on SS

Your FH has had plenty of time to talk with his Mom in the last 4 weeks. That's BS if he is telling you otherwise, unless he is deployed and on no contact. Tell him to man up and contact his Mom.

Practice saying " Thanks for your opinion. FH and I have made our decision." then let her words go in one ear and out the other.

If she shows up in jean capris and a polo shirt, she will be the laughing stock of the wedding, not you.

FH needs to speak to her, and firmly reiterate what you already told her. He needs to make time. Also- if she wears the jeans and polo she will be the only one looking like a damn fool and that has NOTHING to do with you! Let her make a fool of herself.

Does your FH not want his niece and nephew there too? Was this a joint decision? Or you said no kids and he’s agreeing to it to keep the peace?

FH does not want kids there either just our son and the youngest person going to be there is going to be about 16 besides our son who's going to be 8. He's the one that came up the idea of no kids because he want to have fun without worrying about tripping over his niece or nephew

Stand your ground now! This is the precedent for the rest of your marriage and relationship with her.

If it’s his idea how did you end up being the one that had explain it to his mother. If this is his idea he should be the one defending it and taking the heat.

If she's paying then she has a say. Explain why you don't want kids there, explain the costs, you don't want kids running around, whatever else are your reasons.

The reason we would have a 16 year old is because he a my cousin . And we invited the family. And the reason FH has not talked to FMIL is because she does not say it when he is around. I have told him he needs to talk to his mom. And yes she said she is going to give money but I don't think we are going to get anything because that is what happens she had said in the past she wanted to help with something and we never saw it

Someone living on SS is not in a position to contribute any meaningful amount of money to something as expensive as a wedding. As a matter of conscience, I'd tell her that you won't accept her money.

The fact that she only brings this issue up when your FH isn't around is no excuse for him to avoid having a frank conversation with her -- in fact, it's even more of a reason to do it now. I think your eight year old might be a little bored being the only kid there, but that's your choice. So, FH needs to tell his mother to stop intruding -- and you need to do that as well. I'm not a huge advocate of husband's taking over when their mothers are being pests; I think a DIL is quite capable of speaking her mind, but there's no doubt that he should be backing you up.

As far as what she wears -- she's full of it. She's not wearing capris and a polo shirt at her son's wedding. My guess is she will go full on MOG. I'd tell her that she's welcome to wear a tennis outfit if she wants to. She won't.