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Miya
Dedicated August 2021

Venue issue with family

Miya, on March 9, 2020 at 11:46 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 14
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Hello! So FH and I may have found a venue and it’s at most, an hour away. It is just everything we are looking for. My family has no issue with it. By FH family does. They literally travel out of state all the time and drive like 4-5 hours. His dad actually went off on me saying no one was considering their family, it’s unfair, he hates it and no one cares about his feelings. We have a good relationship (or so I thought) but that was so left field and unexpected. My FH put him in his place, but that actually hurt. Has anyone else had this issue?

14 Comments

Latest activity by Miya, on March 10, 2020 at 8:28 AM
  • Amber
    Master February 2020
    Amber ·
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    Unless your FH's family is contributing financially, they don't have any say in where you have your wedding. An hour drive is not that big of a deal, especially if they are used to traveling anyways. I'm glad your FH put him in his place and I'm sorry that your FFIL hurt your feelings. Lean on your family for support for you and FH during times like this, this day is about the two of you! With the wedding being so far away, I'm sure this will all blow over way before then. Best of luck to you both Smiley heart

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  • Miya
    Dedicated August 2021
    Miya ·
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    True, should blow over. And no, they aren’t paying for anything. Thank you!
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  • Katie
    Devoted March 2019
    Katie ·
    • Flag

    I'm glad your FH was able to stand up to his dad and calm the situation. I definitely think FFIL was way out of line with these accusations, especially if you feel that you and FH have a good relationship with his family. Even though we don't typically think of the dads/FILs being wedding planners, his outburst almost sounds like he wants to be a part of the process and is feeling left out? This definitely doesn't excuse the outburst, but could help moving forward. Now that things have cooled down, have FH sit down with his dad and see what's really going on - in a non confrontational way he can discuss what the real issue is with FFIL and the venue.

    Does he not want to drive home after? Stay at nearby X hotel

    Did he have a different vision for the wedding? Hear his thoughts, then share y'alls vision for what would make the day so magical

    Are there handicapped members of his family? Share how the venue is accessible to ALL guests

    Does he wish he had a say in the venue selection process/venue tours/or wedding planning in general? Hey that's great - let's find something for FFIL to be a part of (send him all of the DJ options your looking at, even if it is just to appease him...still pick the one you like best)


    In laws are already tricky to begin with, and wedding planning doesn't always bring out the best in everyone! I've definitely seen similar situations like this (with my divorced parents), and even though it feels crazy sometimes, try and do what's best for the relationship since the marriage and family will last much longer than the wedding day. Good luck! Smiley smile

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  • Francesca
    Savvy May 2021
    Francesca ·
    • Flag

    You are not alone as im sure this will become an issue for FH family as they do not have cars and always depend on FH and siblings in law for rides. I made it clear to FH that he cannot under any circumstances to guarantee a ride as he will have tons of stuff to do day of and day after. Additionally FMIL has a dog that she refuses to leave anywhere or with anyone to take care so its a double dilemma. I told them the only 2 options are we rent you a car and you can drive as you please or you stay the night at a dog friendly hotel that is not the hotel we are using for our room block.

    In-Laws make everything difficult when they do not need to be, for 1 day you would think that they would be able to think about someone other than themselves.


    Do what makes you happy and let your FH deal with his family, you only get married one and they will need to get over it. This day is not about them its about the 2 of you and you need to continue to reinforce that message to them.

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  • Jasmine
    Rockstar August 2021
    Jasmine ·
    • Flag

    That's great that your FH stepped up like that. I think it's ridiculous that they're complaining about an hour when the travel longer than that for what might be less important reasons than their child's wedding. With it being an hour away, if there's anything that brings up questions or concerns in their family as far as accommodations then he should ASK to see if there's any hindrance instead of blowing up on you like that with no solid reasoning. If not and they aren't paying towards anything, they need to have a seat and mind their business. That was so disrespectful. If they show up, great. If not, then you know where their loyalties lie. I wish you the both the best of luck.

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  • Miya
    Dedicated August 2021
    Miya ·
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    Thank you, I thought it was ridiculous too. I wanted to say y’all travel farther than that for some liquor, but that’s not nice lol
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  • Miya
    Dedicated August 2021
    Miya ·
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    That’s crazy, yes I told him he can deal with his side. Those are hood options you gave. I will continue to reinforce too
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  • Miya
    Dedicated August 2021
    Miya ·
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    This are good points. Maybe I’ll nudge FH to ask his dad. Thanks!
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  • Jasmine
    Rockstar August 2021
    Jasmine ·
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    Yea sometimes we have to pick and choose our battles lol. I hope it blows over and they just accept it. Have your wedding your way.

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  • Francesca
    Savvy May 2021
    Francesca ·
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    Just be sure he stays strong... My FH let's family get away with things so I have to correct him from time to time. But remember no pay no say....
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  • Th
    Dedicated September 2021
    Th ·
    • Flag
    Your wedding, have it where you want to. An hour away is nothing, I’ve traveled that for most, some even more since I live an hour from where I grew up. We are actually having ours two hours from our immediate families in the Catskills and everyone we’ve told seem to be excited to make a weekend of it. If it’s such an inconvenience for anyone then they won’t go. Your ffil should realize that you and FH are planning your two’s wedding and if they travel often then an hr isn’t a big deal. Let your FH deal w his parents if anything should arise in the future, that’s what we’ve been doing
    • Reply
  • L
    Super October 2020
    Leslie ·
    • Flag

    I’m having one 45 minutes from my house-which is suburbs of Chicago. Why-because it’s what we could afford. His family is further. My solution was to pay for hotel for his mom. I’ve had a friend ask why so far when we live in the city. Quite frankly -we could afford it. Unless he’s paying for it, you go to the wedding. Dad needs to suck it up.

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  • Miya
    Dedicated August 2021
    Miya ·
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    Makes sense, I would be willing to pay for hotel too. The one we are looking at is affordable too
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  • Miya
    Dedicated August 2021
    Miya ·
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    That does sound like a nice weekend. And yes! I’m definitely letting his deal with his parents going forward
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