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Expert September 2020

Venting/need advice

on June 21, 2020 at 3:24 AM Posted in Planning 0 11

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Hi all!
I just needed to vent somewhere so figured this is a good place to do it. My fiance and I are on our second time postponing our wedding and I think we finally pushed it far enough out. My sister in law just got engaged and decided to pick a date two weeks before ours. And i know, i know you get one day and thats it but I feel like she is one of the people who knows best what we’ve been through with this wedding and couldve given us some space. Plus, since her and my fiance are siblings their guests lists are almost identical so whos going to want to go to two weddings that close together? They are so young and in no rush to get married and theres no sentimental attachment to the date they chose. I never said anything to her cause of course everyone should get to pick their own wedding date. I just feel like given the circumstances this was pretty rude.

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Latest activity by Anna, on June 21, 2020 at 10:41 PM

Legend June 2019
Melle · on June 21, 2020 at 3:29 AM
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She probably wasn’t thinking about your date and planning something ahead to specifically upstage you. I don’t really feel like people do that? It’s kind of like just choosing a date that works best for them and sometimes it happens to be close to someone else’s date.
but I can see how your concerns are based on guest list logistics because If any mutual guests who need to travel are invited to both it is a lot for guests to come to both.
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Expert September 2020
· on June 21, 2020 at 3:45 AM
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No shes not that type of person at all. But she knows the guest lists will be the same and is planning something pretty far away so shes going two weeks before us and then expects people to come to still come to ours. I have a huge family and we always make sure we space any close weddings by at least a month. Its just common sense
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Dedicated November 2020
Phylicia · on June 21, 2020 at 6:19 AM
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Don’t focus on her wedding and her date. Just try and focus on yours. Your guest will attend both weddings if they love and care about you guys. Try not to allow these feelings to take away from the overall goal and meaning of marriage/wedding.
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Devoted September 2020
Queen Cone · on June 21, 2020 at 6:53 AM
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I dont think she meAnt anything by it. I would be annoyed for sure but not at her.
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Super February 2020
Kaysey · on June 21, 2020 at 10:12 AM
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It's completely okay for you to feel like that, but keep in mind that there is a very slim chance she did it to be rude. That date probably worked best for her and her fiance. I wouldn't think much of it. Focus on your wedding and making it what you want. Even though they're young it doesn't mean they have to wait to get married. Who knows, maybe they want to be married and start a family right away, maybe the date has a special meaning to them, or that date worked best with their venue. If your guests are anything like me, I love weddings and me going to two weddings two weeks apart would be great! Enjoy your planning process and set your day up the way you want it.
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VIP August 2020
· on June 21, 2020 at 11:26 AM
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That's really annoying. I'd be upset about it too, even if I didn't think she did it on purpose. Unless your common guests have to travel across the country or something, I don't think people will decide to skip either wedding. If they have to travel a showershorter
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VIP August 2020
· on June 21, 2020 at 11:28 AM
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*I hit reply accidentally.

...if they have to travel a shorter but still significant distance, they might complain, but they'll still probably go. I think the best thing to do is just to send out your new save the dates ASAP.
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Super June 2021
Elizabeth · on June 21, 2020 at 1:35 PM
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I completely see why you're upset; honestly, I would be too. If they've just set their date, they may still be able to change it. I would at least mention it and get it out in the open so you don't sit on it for too long. They may not change anything, but it will at least be out in the open and discussed.
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Dedicated July 2020
N · on June 21, 2020 at 9:00 PM
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I don’t think it’s rude of you just ask her about it and see how much wiggle room they have to change. Take the angle of “thinking about the mutual guests” and their inconvenience in losing 2 weekends so close together, etc.
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Just Said Yes June 2021
Chi · on June 21, 2020 at 9:29 PM
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Have you ever considered talking to her about it? I mean what’s the worst that can happen?
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VIP October 2020
Anna · on June 21, 2020 at 10:41 PM
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I definitely agree that she probably didn’t mean it to step on your toes or take away from your day, and honestly some people just don’t even think about how it’ll affect the guests. But I completely understand why it’s frustrating and disheartening for you. One thing I would say is that for guests that are going to feel strained about attending back to back weddings, they typically attend the one they were invited to or knew about first. Since you’ve said you’ve postponed 2x, I’m sure your friends and family are just as anxious to see your wedding happen as you are. It also may seem like a conversation your fiancé could have with their parents. It would definitely be better for advice to come from the parents than the FSIL
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Venting/need advice

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