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Dedicated October 2020

Venting 😩

Adriana, on March 15, 2020 at 3:09 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 5

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So my mom made it clear to me from the beginning that “she’d love to help pay for everything but she just can’t” which I was fine with because my FH and I were planning on paying for it ourselves. The thing that irks me is that I know for a fact that she could help if she wanted, so why did she try to make up an excuse when I never asked her to start with? She did, however, promise to pay for my dress, therefore, I did not budget for that. When the time came to go dress shopping, I asked her the night before if she was prepared to make a down payment if I found the one and she said yes she has it covered. So I didn’t take any of my own money with me, nor did I have it in my bank account at the time. When I picked my dress and it was time to pay, she chose that time to say “You’ll have to pay for it I don’t have any money.” Stressed, annoyed, and a little bit hurt, I wrote the shop a check hoping they wouldn’t cash it until I deposited some money into my account. She later gave me $200 and said that’s all she will be able to contribute to the dress. So my FH and I had to cut some things from our budget and rearrange our venue plans to make room for the dress in the budget. Now we have a new issue. I asked my younger sister to be my maid of honor (she is 13), I didn’t want to simply because she is so young but my mother argued to me that she would be very hurt and angry if I didn’t, so I gave in. BUT, my mom is now reluctant to buy her bridesmaid dress. I searched rigorously and finally found one in the right color for only $50, which most of you probably know is actually pretty cheap. This still didn’t please my mom and she says she don’t know how she will afford it. I am so irritated with her and so angry because I know her financial situation and I know that she can afford a $50 dress so my sister can be a part of my wedding. And I do want her to be part of it, but my mom has made me so stressed over the whole thing that I considered not have any bridesmaids at all. Now I am stuck paying for my dress which I didn’t budget for, and also my sister’s bridesmaid dress. I’m sorry this is SO long, I just had to get it off my chest 😂

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5 Comments

Latest activity by Fany, on March 18, 2020 at 11:04 AM

VIP October 2020
Samantha · on March 15, 2020 at 3:14 PM
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I’m so sorry your mom is causing so much drama. If you specifically asked her the night before if she could afford to make the payment, why the change the next day? It’s so strange.
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Devoted July 2021
Eshell · on March 15, 2020 at 3:40 PM
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Ok SOOO sorry Adrianna. Try to refocus and think of your special day. I’m sure your mom feels bad about not being able to help. At least she will share your special day with you.
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Super October 2020
Trisha · on March 15, 2020 at 4:39 PM
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Yeah That Is Weird That She Said She Had The money But Didn't The Next Day. I Would Have Definitely Been Asking Questions. Im Sorry You're Stressed, It Will Get Better Just Try To Stay Positive.
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Master 0000
Judith · on March 15, 2020 at 9:32 PM
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Did you talk amounts of money? How often does your mom shop for wedding dresses, like for older sisters? My niece was looking at dresses, and my aunt saw a clone of mine, a Maggie Sottero, except this one choice of whites or blush, mine was a choice pale gold or whites. But at the same shop, a classic dress that comes out over and over for decades, this one was $1500, mine $900 plus a little. A whole line that was $750-1500, now $**** for comparable dresses. She may have thought you would be spending $150, which is barely possible for a bridesmaid gown now. Bridal gowns at the lower middle end have gone up 3X the rate of inflation in a decade.
As for what she can afford, do you know for a fact that her car is not getting so costly to repair that a used car means a $20,000 sum ( plus a thousand or more insurance) is not coming soon? Or maybe she slowly maxed out credit cards, and feels she is drowning? How much if her $5000 a year health insurance premium does she pay. Lots of people keep up a front, but the fact that she finds $50-$200 cost for a dress high, means she is probably hurting. Your sister is old enough to babysit, walk dogs, and do chores. Why isn't she saving up for a $50 dress? Don't be so sure your mom has so much. Lots of people keep up a front and live at the edge. All it takes is a higher than usual $450 oil bill for a interview month, and they are dead stuck. Since you don't mention Dad, I assume she is a single person, with at least one daughter at home. It is hard. If you originally expected to pay for yourselves, what is the problem? She is your mom. Maybe she is barely making it.
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Devoted October 2021
Fany · on March 18, 2020 at 11:04 AM
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With all due respect, parent's don't owe us anything when it comes to paying for our weddings. What I will agree with you on is how it was extremely hurtful of her to be dishonest and insist that she could pay for your wedding dress. If it's getting to the point where at times you don't have money in your account, then that's an issue. I understand that all of us are constantly being pressured to spend more and more on weddings, but we have options.
I genuinely hope things work out and that you patch things over with your mom.
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