Hey all - I'm just venting and curious what others would do in my situation.
I asked my dear friend "Alex" to be a bridesmaid at my December wedding. We've been friends for 5 years, and she's been a great friend to me. I was also a bridesmaid in her wedding in 2018. Fast forward to my bachelorette weekend... During the planning, my sisters (maid and matron of honor) really struggled with Alex. She questioned their judgement, was argumentative, and generally not super supportive. I eventually had to step in and finish planning the weekend because Alex had so many complaints. The bachelorette weekend itself was ok, but full of drama. Alex brought favors from everyone without asking the hosts, and then dragged everyone out to a bar on Friday night because she was telling me I wasn't having enough fun. Saturday, she went out and bought doughnuts and coffee even though my sisters had planned to cook breakfast and had already bought groceries. These actions were all so generous, but they felt like an offense to my sisters who had spent a lot of time and money planning for the weekend. Also Alex has been lording that over everyone, explaining that she shouldn't have to pay for anything else because she did all of those things. It's frustrating, and while I know it came from a place of love it was just handled in kind of a rough way. Alex then got super drunk on Saturday and was rude to everyone. She left the weekend a day early, partially to get home before a hurricane (which barely hit Tampa, where she lives. It was rainy. My sister who lives in south Florida stayed the whole weekend). We do think she left early in part to avoid facing the music with everyone she offended.
She hadn't really spoken to me since the Bachelorette- I called her about once a week to catch up, try and work things out... no answer. My FH and I had already planned a trip to visit her and her husband, so we went to Tampa to see them. Friday night we had dinner and talked about everything. I thought we'd worked it out. Then Saturday, she and her husband wanted to spend the entire day eating and drinking. She got drunk and we got on the topic of her feeling attacked by my family. I told her that even though she had rubbed them the wrong way, I went to bat for her and stood up for her. She took this statement to be so offensive, and berated me to the point of tears. I hysterically sobbed in public, and she never apologized. Her husband yelled at both of us to let it go. My FH stepped outside with me to ask what I wanted to do, and we agreed that we would get through the weekend since we were staying with them. She yelled at me two more times on Saturday to the point of tears, and it was generally awful.
We woke up Sunday and it was like nothing had happened. She said nothing about it, except to say "Are we good?" in passing while I was brushing my teeth.
When I got home, I wrote her a long email explaining my perspective and how hurt I was by her actions. Because she had expressed how uncomfortable she was around my family multiple times (i.e. "Who else besides your family is going to be at the rehearsal? I want to make sure I have people I'm comfortable around", and "Your family hates me, how am I supposed to handle that?"), I offered her an out. I said that if she didn't feel comfortable participating, please back out now. She took me up on that, saying that there was no way she could possibly feel comfortable at my wedding now.
She has ended our friendship over this, and honestly I feel a little relieved. I also feel a little terrible, and am worried about the reactions from our mutual friends who we invited to the wedding. I'm wondering if I did the right thing. Also, the logistics of a cancelled bridesmaid are dumb.
