Vent/Advice - Bachelorette Issues

I feel like I shouldn't be involved and it could be handled better, especially before the holidays.

Tell them to keep you out of it. "You should be talking to MOH about this, she is the one planning."

I'm a little confused, MOH put down the deposit and now BMs are talking shit about her cause two other girls bailed? Is it cause she's spreading out the cost amongst the BMs which means they're paying more than they originally thought?

If that's the case these chicks need to redirect their ire to the people to blame and not your lovely MOH. :/

Boozy that's exactly what is happening! And they are demanding she makes those girls still pay. That's a nice thought but that's like trying to sue someone who owes you money that can't produce it. I have responded to keep me out of it. But I get the lovely walls of texts I can't unread so I'm trying to blow off some steam by venting here.

Her mistake was putting the deposit down on her own. Destination bachelorette parties often turn into strife. At this point do you even want to go knowing how bitter so many of these girls are going to be, and knowing your MOH might not even get the rest of the money?

I'd cancel and go out with just the MOH.

Nope. Honestly that's what I've been thinking myself. Reimbursing my MOH the money and just scraping the trip.

Yep, it often happen when one person puts down the deposit for the trip. We see this a lot. It's gotten to the point where many of us are just against these elaborate bachelorette multi-day events. They usually cause drama.

So frustrating that people can't just do what they say they are going to do or just be adults and say no in the first place.

These destination BPs sound like fun, but they have to be expensive. I just don't understand a BP that requires each woman to purchase a plane ticket (unless all of the women are financially comfortable with savings or trust fund babies). That being said, women who sign on may do so for a number of reasons (i.e., they thought they had enough time to pull it together or they didn't want to be the only one who raised their hand and said, "I can't afford this" -- seriously, that's not easy to do).

In this case, talk is cheap and deposits are expensive. The MOH should have never taken this deposit on all by herself. She should have given everyone a deadline to turn in the money, and she should have said, "If I don't have everyone's deposit by ______, then we're going to have to change our plans and make it a local party." The fact that two girls couldn't come up with the deposit was a clear indicator that the writing was on the wall.

I have no idea why those who ARE going on the trip are talking badly about your MOH, and I don't understand why you're being told that the girls are demanding that the other two, who aren't going, are being asked to pay (which is ridiculous, and sets quite an adversarial tone in your wedding party). Maybe there's more to the story than you've been told. I don't get the "Can I bring so and so to fill the empty spaces?". That's clearly an attempt to bridge the financial gap since these girls were never considered potential BMs or party attendees -- and that's why I say these parties are getting out of control.

Lastly, nobody should be contacting you for any reason whatsoever. They should have all gotten together, come to an instant understanding that they were a group because you put them together because of affection, not the size of their bank accounts. Together, these ladies should have come to a meeting of the minds, and the two who bailed should have been made to feel comfortable enough to say, "Look, I'd love to take her to _______, but I know I can't. The absolute most I can contribute is $100, so I either give you guys $100 and go, or I can't attend. So, do we do something local so that we can attend, or do we do something expensive, which means I can't attend." They should have worked all of that out so that you could have just shown up and enjoyed the night. No gossip should be coming your way, and no plans should be shared with you.

My suggestion is -- since you've already been dragged into it -- is to choose something no further than an hour away. Maybe you have enough to rent a car/driver. Then, just have a fantastic party and get home by 4:00 AM. It may not be a ski resort or a weekend in Nashville (which is over 600 miles away), but it can still be something memorable -- and everyone can attend.

I've lurked for awhile and Centerpiece you always give amazing advice. Thank you for taking the time for this well thought out response. The main issue is there are three opinions here. One is the I can't afford to go camp (which they were asked privately if they were okay before deciding to do this just the same as being asked privately dress budget). There's the people who really want to take me and want to go even if they have to pay extra. And then there's those who are throwing a tantrum. I completely understand not being able to afford. I just think how everything is being handled is very immature and only adding more stress during a happy time. I would be happy not doing anything and told my MOH to not burden herself throwing a shower since it'll be more of the same. It's embarrassing how people are capable of treating someone and that's what has me upset. It's the name calling and being unapologetic that has me baffled. I feel like I don't even know these people that I have been friends with for a good portion of my life.

I'm super against bachelorette parties like this kind for this reason. That's really frustrating this is happening but I'd try to stay out of it if you can and if there's a way to change plans you could do that but I understand why you don't want strangers there

I get why the bridesmaids are pissed. If they agreed to pay a certain amount and now that amount is being increased, it can be quite stressful and annoying. No, they shouldn't be talking to you and badmouthing your MOH, but they probably are angry at your MOH because she's the one asking them to pay more than they originally agreed since she (MOH) put down her own money for the deposit (BIG mistake on her part). They should to work it out among themselves, but I get why everyone's frustrated.

IMO, you should cancel the whole thing.