Vent!

We have made decisions about our wedding that my FMIL is still screaming "etiquette" at us about it (even though stuff is booked and deposits are placed and we're not changing anything). At the end of the day in our situation, we are only entertaining the opinions of my parents (since they're paying) and are taking what everyone else says as a suggestion. It's your wedding and it should go the way you want it to!

No! It is your day and you can do things however you want. Everyone might not be happy about but that’s too bad. Yes, it’s frustrating to hear everyone’s opinion about how you should do things but if you want things to be done a differ way then do it your way. I got tired of hearing everyone and just did my own thing and it was beautiful!! Good luck!!

At the end of the day, everyone will have their opinions and it can get really frustrating.

My father-in-law's advice was "this is you're day - make sure it's what you want. Just keep in mind the people who are a bit more traditional." I'm not sure if this will work for you. We decided our non-negotiable items - stuck to our guns around those, Anything negotiable, we would have a conversation about. That way others felt involved.

I have had to deal with this A LOT. And it is SOOOOO overwhelming. Sometimes I hate to talk about the wedding with certain people because I really don't want to hear what else they are going to say. I wanted to have a taco truck caterer and my sweet lovely grandma said "that is very impersonal and such a bad idea" so I didn't do that. I didn't want flowers because that's just not my thing and again my sweet lovely grandma said "What kind of wedding has no flowers? you are supposed to be pleasing your crowd and their not going to like it if you don't have any flowers" soooo guess what I did? Yup I got flowers- artificial but still... I got them. I didn't want to invite people that I don't know or that I haven't even seen since I was 2 years old and again my sweet grandma says "you have to invite so and so because their my best friend and you have to invite so and so because that's my cousin and I am close to them" again, what do I do suck up my pride and do it. I do it because my grandma and grandpa helped my dad raise me and my sisters. But, I finally got to the point where I told her "grandma I don't want to invite that person, I don't know that person, they don't know me. I want people there that have watched me and mark grow as a couple, people who have loved us and has supported our relationship"

I think I kinda got threw to her because now every time she recommends anything at the end she says "but its your wedding you do what you want" lol i'm just like CAN THIS BE OVER ALREADY!!!!! LOl

Yes! About a month ago I felt this way, I was literally basing everything on guests & nothing on what I or FH wants. I was miserable, FH & I were bickering bc I was so overwhelmed w/ everything & ppl were still complaining - and that I realized that I’m never going to make everyone happy, but FH & I should be happy on our wedding day. So I’m doing this our way, if guests don’t like it, they can RSVP no. Ever since I came to this decision FH & I have been getting along great - if something comes up & someone is like what about this or that, I say we are doing what is true & best for us.?

If it helps, we didn’t share any details because we wanted everything to be a surprise and a happy unintended result was that nobody complained/questioned/criticized anything! 👍😆

Oh please... who cares what others think. Everybody has an opinion & it’s not your job to please them all.

Things that are poor etiquette are only things that are objectively inconsiderate to your guests, such as: expecting elderly or people with mobility issues to stand during ceremony / reception or to hike to your venue, for example (I’ve seen both lol); not providing any food or drinks (alcohol is not mandatory by the way); telling people what to wear or rejecting guests at the door because they don’t fit dress code; having venue that is too hot/humid/windy/cold for people; demanding gifts. And that’s pretty much it! Everything else is your FH & your choice.

I personally don’t discuss wedding details with anybody except FH & my 2 closest friends who are very supportive. With our families, I may show them a photo of something that I’m excited about & to share with them, but they never interfere with our decisions, they respectfully share their opinion & that’s it.

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I agree with much of this. Honestly, I'm on the "more traditional" side, but there's a big difference between true etiquette and stylistic choices. I agree that if you are inviting people, true etiquette requires some basic things like: a chair for every person (it might not just be elderly people who can't stand for your entire ceremony), providing/hosting some kind of food & beverage (and if it's over a meal time, it really should be a meal, but cake & punch is totally fine if it's just the middle of the afternoon), and reasonable protection from the elements (you really don't want your wedding to be remembered for all the guests who got frostbite or heat stroke). Many of the other issues mentioned by pps are definitely stylistic choices -- flowers, inviting people you do not know and/or cannot afford to host, having food trucks, etc. Those are choices. Not everyone may like your choices, but they aren't necessarily contrary to etiquette (although, if guests have to stand in line/wait 2 hrs for food, a couple might want to rethink the logistics of the food trucks). Mostly I think it's common sense and the Golden Rule -- treat your friends and family with reasonable respect, but there are LOTS of ways to accomplish that. In the meanwhile, I also agree with others about not sharing too much with others, unless they are funding all or part of the wedding. In that case, they may have some voice in the decisions. If you don't want anyone else's voice, then it's best to fully fund your wedding yourselves. Good luck!

For this reason, I stick to only sharing on this app. I don’t like telling family about wedding details other than date. I don’t think I need added stress from not pleasing them when it’s about my fiancé and I.

Do what you want
I tell brides that at the end of the day everyone is going to be opinionated and judgmental so you may as well have done what you wanted anyway! You'll be much happier knowing you did what you wanted

Thanks everyone, this has been really helpful! I try not to share too much since I dont want to hear the opinions! I just need to remember it's about my fiance and I and we dont have to make everyone else happy.

So much yes! Ughh it makes my blood boil. Especially when people are like you need do to xyz, and I’m like ok but where am I supposed to pull the money out of to pay for that 🙄

Luckily I don’t live near my family so I haven’t had a huge problem with people and their opinions but I’m not having a traditional wedding which is great!! growing up I could easily be convinced to do something the “right way” or the traditional way instead of modifying it to what I like my mom would always say you will thank me for it in the future or you wanting it this way is just a phase and I learned I won’t always thank her in the future I rather wear or do things I might regret or be embarrassed of in the future than hide who and what I like to please others. I have gotten weird looks when I mention something about my wedding because that’s not what they are use too but my wedding is modified to what what me and FH want and love and I couldn’t be more happier with how everything is turning out. One example of weird looks I get is my dogs being in the wedding and I know it’s something that has been happing more often but my family can sometimes be to traditional and I have heard they will ruin the wedding what if they dirty your dress what if they bark all the time and honestly I don’t care if any of that happens (maybe the barking but I’m sure they won’t bark) they are part of my family FH and I did a great job raising them and they will be in the wedding!!

I've had this since day one of my engagement. There are a lot of things my FH and I want to do that is getting poo pooed for being non traditional and lots of stuff we have no interest in doing that people have strong armed us into for traditions sake. To be honest I almost cancelled the whole thing because of that kind of a thing. But when I told my fh that he said this "If people are going to be upset over some little thing then they shouldn't come to the wedding. It's our big day and if someone can't be happy celebrating with us how we want to celebrate they don't care about us and should just go home".

View Quoted Comment I'm stuck in a hole on that one. I told my family we weren't doing expensive/ pointless things we didn't want like rehearsal dinners, champagne toasts, and a big wedding cake and cutting. Now everyone is offering to pay for this kind of stuff so it kind of forces us into doing them now. So frustrating.

You are only supposed to base the choices for your day on what you want! Only you know your crowd, your taste, wants, budget, etc. What some consider rude to their crowd might not be rude to yours. Asking for advice is one thing but ultimately, you should choose what works for you on your day.

I definitely have been feeling the same way.. moms on both sides saying "do what you want", "it's your wedding, etc.. then hearing through the grapevine that they're upset about this, this and that.. apparently we were supposed to take family photos at the engagement party😬oops.. I didn't really want to have a big wedding in the first place, would rather have eloped, but fiance has a big family and ton of friends, and didn't want to offend anybody.. i like what everyone else is saying about not sharing plans with family, probably a good idea, but everyone is always asking for updates!

Yes, everyone feel they have a right to make changes. I just said if you are not paying for it, you get no say so!

Yes. Just...... yes, this.