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Mariana
Devoted October 2019

Vent? - trigger warning

Mariana, on December 12, 2019 at 8:40 PM Posted in Married Life 0 25
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Hi, it's been a while. So there's this *thing* that's been happening this week and I feel I got nowhere to talk about it. I don't want to go into details so I'll do this superficially and hope I get understood and some advice back. We're sort of passing through a "loss", didn't make it pass the 3rd week and there's been medical appointments all week. I feel extremely tired, numb, in the low and guilty I guess? Everything's okay, everything will be okay and our bond is making this easier to process but... I keep some feelings bottled to myself because we both know how much we both want this, and I don't let myself feel sad or "mourne" (if I even have that permission?) because of how little time it existed. My personality makes me feel off of course, but at the same time it's as if this judgy voice in my head keeps rolling its eyes at me and saying to stop thinking about it so much because I didn't even get a chance to "feel attached" or it didn't get a chance to "completely form". Doctor says maybe it's nothing to worry about and that maybe I'm part of the common count on women who just unfortunately pass through it. Maybe those are just my insecurities telling me I don't have a right to cry or feel it out, but I do? Is it normal to feel like this or can I just skip the feeling?

25 Comments

Latest activity by Mariana, on December 14, 2019 at 7:00 AM
  • Sabrina
    Devoted April 2020
    Sabrina ·
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    It is normal to grieve. So please take the time to do so for your mental health. Hugs and I am sorry that this happened to you.
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  • Mariana
    Devoted October 2019
    Mariana ·
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    Thank you, I really appreciate it.
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  • Katlyn
    Devoted December 2021
    Katlyn ·
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    Please don't discredit your feelings or try to hide them. These things are never easy to go through and diminishing the experience because it "wasn't fully formed" isn't healthy or correct. No matter who you are, it can be traumatizing. You go forward in life with all sorts of questions, like if you will actually be able to me a mother, does my partner harbor negative feelings towards me because of this, etc. You won't get over it overnight, a loss is still a loss. But you will move on though Smiley smile Accept the support of your partner, family and friends, and seek further therapy if you need it. I am so sorry for your loss and I hope you feel better soon!

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  • N
    VIP September 2020
    Neeva ·
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    This is super common, not enough women talk about but it's perfectly normal to grieve. Find solace in others and your FH.

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  • Mariana
    Devoted October 2019
    Mariana ·
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    Honestly yes, it was the most traumatizing thing we've ever experienced. Plus healthcare in my city isn't that good so we basically needed to wait out 2 days before I could reach my gynecologist. I usually tend to writing or meditating, but I've found no words to write and not a single moment of tranquility to actually stop thinking. The fact that I could come here and someone understood me really feels satisfying in some way. Thank you so much for these words ♡
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  • Mariana
    Devoted October 2019
    Mariana ·
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    I know!! When I actually looked for information on how common this was, I really felt sorry for everyone who's experienced this. I didn't even imagine it was *that* common. Thank you!!
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  • VIP November 2021
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    I’m sorry you are going through this. I understand.. what you are referring to and DO IT. Let it out, vent, cry, scream, do anything and everything you need to do to help you feel better. It’s hard and it’s an indescribable emotion but with love and support, you’ll get through it!
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  • Mariana
    Devoted October 2019
    Mariana ·
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    THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!! I just don't have the words, just thank you.
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  • K
    Beginner November 2019
    Keni ·
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    I lost my first, I was devastated. Take the time you need and allow yourself to have the feelings you do. Just because it wasn’t that long, doesn’t mean you still didn’t dreamed about the future with them.
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  • Mariana
    Devoted October 2019
    Mariana ·
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    I'm so sorry to hear that. I have a sort of mixed up emotions. I don't wish it upon any woman out there. Thank you for your kind words. Hugs and good wishes.
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  • Aimee
    Super July 2021
    Aimee ·
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    Mourning is good, it is a loss despite length of time. Especially for women, only you could feel the physiological changes and it was more real to you than anyone else. Talk to you FS and if you need to talk to a professional about it.
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  • Sharon
    Super September 2021
    Sharon ·
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    A loss is a loss. You are attached from the very first moment and have every right to grieve! Feel your feelings and don't feel bad or guilty about it. Share your feelings with your FH, it's his loss too. don't bottle it all up. Sometimes I feel like that loss is worse than others because essentially you're losing a future of dreams but dont have any past to hold on to. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
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  • Mariana
    Devoted October 2019
    Mariana ·
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    I honestly didn't came close to imagining what it's like, so I pay now more than full respect on women who endure normal labor pain and of course, miscarriage pain. They're both hard physiological changes. Thank you for the advice, I appreciate it.
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  • Mariana
    Devoted October 2019
    Mariana ·
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    What's been impressive for me is that when I thought maybe the feeling of really wanting a family would maybe disappear for a while, it's been the opposite. We want a family now more than ever despite the pain and we want to make sure everything's okay so we can try again. I know my husband has it all bottled up too but I've managed to make him talk to me about it and although it's a work in progress (we still can't be able to say much), we're managing to show emotions towards this little by little. I don't like to compare losses since I'm not on everyone's body or mind to know how exactly that impacted their lives, but I can relate to loosing something that actually had no future or no past that I can grab onto just as you described... it's really...traumatizing... Thank you so much for your kind words and understanding 💕 I really appreciate it.
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  • VIP November 2021
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    Don’t thank me !!! That’s what we are here for !!!!
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  • Julia
    Dedicated October 2020
    Julia ·
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    All of the emotions are normal, allow yourself to experience them without guilt or shame. As many said it is all to common unfortunately. Time will help, this sounds very recent. Sending Positive thoughts to you and your honey.
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  • Mariana
    Devoted October 2019
    Mariana ·
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    It is recent... just this week, so I'm all in the middle of appointments, tests and everything. Going back to work at least will distract both our minds. Thank you 💗 completely well received.
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  • Nikki
    Dedicated December 2020
    Nikki ·
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    You have every right to grieve, please don't let anyone tell you that you "need to get over it". I haven't personally gone through the experience, but my mom has. It's been almost 28 years since she lost her first child, the baby before me, and I can still see the grief in her eyes. I've talked to her about it out of curiosity, and while she said she has accepted what has happened and the pain has lessened, it is still there, it still hurts, especially on his birthday every year. If you fell that you want the extra help, see if there is a group in your area for grieving mothers. My parents had actually formed one in there area with another family, and my mom said that helped a lot, they were able to talk and help each other grieve. I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts, and I'll pray that you can find any peace that you wish for.

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  • Jo
    WeddingWire Administrator May 2015
    Jo ·
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    Feel your feelings and don't let anyone tell you otherwise or make you feel bad for that. You are going through a serious process that deserves respect. Keep working with your doctors and be open about the physical and mental symptoms you're experiencing. You can also reach out to an online support network like Share, and The Bump offers some information and ways to connect with others experiencing this type of loss.

    Bottom line, there's no need to apologize for or minimize what you and your partner are feeling.

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  • Mariana
    Devoted October 2019
    Mariana ·
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    Thank you, your mother is a strong woman and I hope she has a beautiful and full life. Knowing she was able to conceive again gives me certain hope. Our biggest fear was that they would find a problem that actually meant high risk or that during those moments (thanks to poor healthcare system) something went wrong and made my state worse, not being able to have kids at all. I would say what's been hard right now is being in the same room, talking or even seeing pictures of kids or pregnant women. It's uncomfortable and somehow makes a little voice in my head blame me and compare myself, so that's what I'm working on and plan on working on for these times to come... Thank you for your kindess and well wishes, blessings to you and your family also ♡
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