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Dedicated December 2020

Vent Session

Chelsea, on July 29, 2019 at 8:08 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 16

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Huge Vent...

So I have a friend who has been there my entire life. Our parents grew up together so we were raised the same. Basically like siblings or close cousins. Well she can also be a huge pain in the rear and can act very selfishly. She may be my oldest friend who I love.. But she isn't my kind and caring friend. Well long story short I am not doing a MOH because I don't want her to be it and if anyone else is WWIII will happen. I dont want that. This Saturday I am asking all my close gal pals to be bridesmaids (including her). We picked a Saturday that worked with everyone about a month ago and all was well until today. Her birthday is this week and instead of doing something to celebrate this past weekend (like we planned) she chose to do a last min trip. This was totally fine. But now she is acting like I am taking over her birthday time for planning this dinner on the 3rd. Mind you she chose this date too because she is off. She told me she will likely leave early to celebrate with her friends. And that I will be "too busy" with my "wedding stuff" to go out with her. I love the "kill her with kindness" method (I'm non- onfrontational). So, I told her if she wanted to go out after the dinner just to let me know. What I didn't say is it is infuriating that she is acting like this is new news to her. She was very much a part of the planning of this meal. She knows I am asking them to be bridesmaids. She knows that it is important to me. This isn't the first time she has acted this way about an occasion that wasnt for her. Idk why I am suprised. I'm just dreading Saturday now.. And I shouldn't. My other friends love and care for me and will make this whole process wonderful. But thats my sister.. My life long friend. It is very disappointing. Sorry if you actually read through all this. I am very emotional at the moment. I guess I dont want to feel crazy for being hurt. Note: I also offered to meet her for dinner the night of her birthday and to spend the day with her the following day.. But I guess that isnt good enough.

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16 Comments

Latest activity by Kelly, on July 30, 2019 at 11:40 AM

Champion November 2016
LB · on July 29, 2019 at 8:23 PM
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Eh public asking of BMs are unnecessary and problematic. I'm with friend on this one...

It's all planned so just have a good time and let her do her own thing.
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Devoted September 2019
McKenzie · on July 29, 2019 at 8:23 PM
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How frustrating! I'm sorry you are going through this. Like you said, focus on the friends who do love and care about you!
Maybe consider sitting down with her and sharing how you feel? You have a long road ahead with wedding planning, some of which will involve her.
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Master January 2021
Andrea · on July 29, 2019 at 8:25 PM
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I am sorry that you're feeling upset about this, Chelsea. Maybe your friend is overwhelmed, jealous, I'm just throwing things out there. The fact that she thinks you'll be too busy with your wedding stuff speaks volumes. Maybe, just maybe you should refrain from talking about the wedding to her. If you want her to be a bridesmaid, that is great! But maybe not talk about the wedding too much with her, because she may not be interested or might get annoyed. I'm not in her mind, so I don't know what she is thinking. I hope everything works out.
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Dedicated December 2020
Chelsea · on July 29, 2019 at 8:27 PM
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The sad thing is I haven't gotten to talk much about the wedding with her at all. She is my least involved friend 😔
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Dedicated December 2020
Chelsea · on July 29, 2019 at 8:28 PM
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It was the only way to get all the girls together before summer is over and everyone gets busy. 🤷
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Dedicated December 2020
Chelsea · on July 29, 2019 at 8:29 PM
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Maybe I need to. We are both extremely busy which makes it hard. Idk... 😔
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Champion November 2016
LB · on July 29, 2019 at 8:29 PM
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But why do you need to get them together?
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Super September 2021
Sharon · on July 29, 2019 at 8:30 PM
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It stinks having that kind of relationship with someone. The more you love them the more they drive you crazy. It sounds like you can't win with her. Know its nothing about you, it's her issues. You have every right to be emotional. You feel hurt by someone you're so close with. The thing is you know what to expect from her so try to anticipate it and not take it personally. If she wants to leave after dinner let her go and enjoy time with the girls that are being supportive. Don't let her ruin what is a great time in your life. Enjoy every second of wedding planning no matter how much she tries to rain on your parade. I know it's easier said than done but she's shown you who she is. Don't expect her to change.
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Dedicated December 2020
Chelsea · on July 29, 2019 at 8:31 PM
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I gave the option and they wanted to do it so we planned it lol. Like I said it was a plan we made about a month ago. No one said they didnt want to or couldn't
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Dedicated December 2020
Chelsea · on July 29, 2019 at 8:38 PM
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Exactly! I know all this. I do. But it definitely still stings. I am fine with her doing her thing. I dont want to take up all her time! Maybe it was her delivery that struck me and not necessarily that she wanted to go out after.
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Savvy November 2019
Kali · on July 29, 2019 at 8:51 PM
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I can see why you would want to do it all together for fun! I’ve seen people do it personal and all at once like you are, especially if they all know each other! They will be spending a lot of time together up til the time of your wedding! I agree with Andrea, it sounds like she may be a bit jealous, which sucks since you guys are so close! Maybe it will get better! Best of luck!
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Master September 2019
Sarah · on July 29, 2019 at 8:56 PM
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Within the first few lines of your post you say she can act selfishly, so then this isn’t new for her. People don’t change their spots just because someone they know is getting married. Just go to dinner and let her do whatever she’s going to do.
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on July 29, 2019 at 9:21 PM
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I know it hurts, but I'd try to let this go. Enjoy your time with the other bridesmaids!
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Dedicated December 2020
Chelsea · on July 29, 2019 at 10:44 PM
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Thanks all for the support!! I love the girl and know her and how she is.. I am not looking for justification for her actions just venting a bit! Hahaha. I'm already better. Thanks !
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Master June 2019
Danielle · on July 30, 2019 at 10:51 AM
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I would go ahead with dinner as planned, then call your friend afterwards and say something like "as you may or may not know, I was planning to ask everyone to be a bridesmaid at dinner; but since you weren't able to make it, I would like to know would you do me the honor of being one of my bridesmaids?" Then let her know the date of the wedding, and what is expected of her financially. That way she knows what she is agreeing to or has to deny.
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Super October 2019
Kelly · on July 30, 2019 at 11:40 AM
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I would also do the dinner as planned and then ask her after the fact. It stinks, but its actually good practice at realizing that getting all your wedding party together at one time doesn't work most of the time. I was able to accomplish this feat once, when we dressed shopped & then did lunch afterwards.
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