Vent!!! Planning Sister in Law's Wedding Shower

She wants you to ask the guests to pay???!!!

She sounds like a prize! While it is not a requirement of the bride to pay for the dress, makeup is another thing. Ask if you can opt out. As for the shower, see if a family friend will lend a hand. They don't have to be extravagant.

15-20 people is small to me. BUT asking you to pay for the whole shower by yourself is a lot. Maybe ask her mom and FMIL?

How can you make something mandatory for ONE person? Its like you will do this... uhhh... no. What she going to do??? She'd be left w/ no wedding party.

Well, look at it this way.. if you ask the guests to pay, you WILL end up with a small guest list

Uh...

"I am not comfortable asking guests to pay. If you are absolutely set on this idea, perhaps you should ask someone else, who would be comfortable committing an etiquette faux pas, to host your shower."

Rinse and repeat as necessary.

Call the Moms on both sides, Im sure they will help with both the shower and the costs. What did she say when you said you couldnt afford it and were not willing to ask the guests for money?

What?! She should, at least, give you the same courtesy that you gave her! Dang!! =(

Beyond the dress, she can't force you to pay for these things. Tell her that beyond the dress, you cannot afford extras

I don't see why she should offer to pay for you dress, but if hair and makeup is required than she should be paying for it.

She shouldn't be asking you to host a shower, that's for someone to offer to host. She can't demand that you do anything and you don't have to throw her one if you don't want to/can't afford it. Asking guests to chip in is ridiculous and yes TACKY.... 15-20 ppl isn't small but it isn't large - but definitely a lot to pay for yourself. Maybe some of her family could help out with some of the cost??

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She can't dictate a party thrown in her honor. Sorry no. Tell her flat out that its your party to throw and if you will not ask for contribution from the guests. Also, I like the idea above about talking to the moms. Good luck.

Well, as the MOH I would think you would offer to throw her a shower...and IMO 15-20 I would consider small. It was nice of you to pay for her dress and not require makeup (that way you didn't have to cover it), however it isn't her responsibility to pay for your dress. You should have expected those things when you said yes.

I understand you not having the funds to cover the whole shower yourself. Could you reach out to her mother/MIL to see if they want to co host and help with the shower? I would start there. If that isn't an option then, if you have the room, I would host a shower at my home. You can get cheap decorations at the dollar tree (you'll only throw them out anyways) and do something small. Get cupcakes from sams club ( they are really good and pretty inexpensive, if you don't have a membership they offer a one time pass). You could just do a dessert party. Have some drinks and some dessert. Or you could order pizzas and have something casual that way. Sheet pizzas have 30 some pieces and around me around only $20 something. If you really got crafty you could host something and spend 100-150$. If you didn't want to do pizzas you could come up with other things pasta salad/ziti, something like that that you can buy on sale and make.

I also agree that she shouldn't have asked you to have a shower, however if she is making it known she would like one (and what bride wouldn't want one), being the only person in the bridal party I would think you had to have some clue that you should start thinking about it.

Cheap shower. No food and print off games.

Give her a shower then and by shower I mean filling up a bucket with ice cold water and dumping it on her fucking head.

ETA

Make sure to yell "HAPPY BRIDAL SHOWER DAY"

To me 15-20 people is small, but obviously "small" is a very arbitrary descriptive word that means something different to everyone else.

Can you call upon her mom to help you out with the planning, if only for the sake of being able to split the cost with her? Maybe have it at the mom's house and just order pizza.

This is my biggest fear whenever I say yes to being in someones bridal party. Some brides feel so entitled. You really have to be honest with her and tell her you need some support from the moms, friends, sisters, someone to help cover the costs if she wants this big bridal shower. The planning and organizing already takes a lot of time and effort but add in the fact that you're the only member of the bridal party AND she wants you to pay for it or ask her guests? Heeeeeellll Nah.

Thank you all for listening/reading my vent. It is actually in our culture it is customary that the bride/groom to pay for the wedding party's clothes. That's why I paid for hers when it was my wedding. But I am OK with my paying for my own dress. I didn't care about that cost. I was more peeved that the makeup/hair was mandatory and when I told her how I felt I didn't have the funds to pay for the shower (all by myself) I did not appreciate her saying that I should have guests pitch in. I talked to her about doing a dessert buffet to keep costs down, but it was a no-go. I will talk to MIL (her mom) and see if she can help out. I'll throw her a shower. But it will be within my budget.