My fiance and I got engaged in August 2019. In September 2019 we set our wedding date for October 3rd, 2020. In November 2019 our close friends got engaged and another couple in our circle (who are best friends with the couple I just mentioned) got engaged in December 2019. I personally think that when you're getting married and people in your circle are getting married it's important to talk about dates so nobody plans on top of each other. I immediately told the first couple what our date was just to get it out of the way in the beginning before they got their hearts set on a day. We also constantly share our date with everyone and post it all over social media to make it known. The other couple that got engaged we didn't personally tell our date to. We aren't inviting them since we aren't that close with them so we thought it would be awkward. But we all know we have a ton of mutual friends who are like family so it is important to know. I went on their social media and saw that they were planning their wedding for May 2020 anyway and also had this confirmed by mutual friends so I didn't worry about it.
Coronavirus happened along with gathering limitations so I figured I would follow up with the couples' dates to make sure. The first couple decided to keep their wedding date. I saw on May 1st the second couple posted on Facebook that they got married. So I didn't bother following up.
A few months later a close mutual friend told me that the couple that got married on May 1st moved their wedding to the Friday before ours which I realized is literally THE DAY BEFORE ours! Not only that but their wedding is out of town, a two hour drive away. AND it starts at 4pm. It's not even a daytime/early wedding. One of our groomsmen is a groomsman in their wedding. His son is also our ring bearer. Our Junior Groomsman and his family are invited. And so is our pastor/officiant who is like a Dad to my fiance and his family which his daughters happen to be our flower girl and junior bridesmaid. Some other mutual friends are also invited to their wedding.
I was having a dilemma about this. Our rehearsal is planned for the night before our wedding. We didn't make that official at the time but we assumed that's when it would be since that's when rehearsals usual are for weddings. I was a little frustrated that one of our groomsman wouldn't be able to go if we kept our rehearsal that night. But I could live with that. However, it was a big problem that our officiant is close with the groom and so they expect him to come to their wedding. However, he's basically my fiance's dad and he is also the one who runs our rehearsal since we are having our wedding at his church. He insisted that it would be okay if he missed their wedding. We tried to see if we could have our rehearsal another day or during the day. However almost nobody including my parents would be able to come if we had the rehearsal earlier in the week or during the day. People have work all week and usually it's easier for people to leave work earlier and be out later on a Friday. Also out of town people usually don't come in until the day before the wedding and wouldn't be able to come earlier than that for our rehearsal because that takes up too much vacation time. So we decided to keep our rehearsal on Friday since that's the day almost everyone can come. And unfortunately that means our officiant wouldn't be able to make it to the other couple's wedding. I felt super bad about this but I also know rehearsal is super important to make sure everything goes smoothly.
I just feel like it was super inconsiderate of the other couple. I get it these are crazy times with rescheduling weddings but it's important to be courteous and communicate. They were aware we were also planning a wedding. They've mentioned it many times when my fiance and I have seen them. But they didn't even bother asking people in their wedding party if the new date worked for them. They had to find out from a Facebook notification. And now not only has it caused my fiance and I stress about our rehearsal, but now many of our close friends have to go on a road trip the night before our wedding. As irritated as I've been, I just figured maybe it was an accident and they just forget about our wedding since we aren't that close and they're not as on top of this stuff as we are. The groom was hounding our officiant for a final answer about his rsvp a month and a half before their wedding and I thought that was strange.
However, another mutual friend let me know this week that the groom knew when our wedding was and said that he still wanted to have his the day before ours. The bride and groom's birthdays are that weekend so they want to be able to celebrate all three in one weekend for the rest of their lives. I am so upset about this and I just think it's so selfish.
People have been giving us such a hard time about still proceeding with having our rehearsal the night before our wedding. They're saying we should either have it the morning of our wedding (which is going to be way too difficult) or earlier in the week in the evening or during the day even if that means my dad and other family and half our wedding party can't come. They've said things like "Does your dad really need to be there?" And if none of those work out they're saying we shouldn't even have a rehearsal because we shouldn't conflict with their wedding. This is so ridiculous.
We have had our date planned for about a year at this point. They're the ones who moved their wedding with only a few months notice and didn't ask anyone if that worked for them. Normally when you plan a wedding way in advance I don't think you need to ask if the date works for anyone. But when you move a wedding with that short notice and you need certain people to be there, you absolutely need to ask them. They have absolutely no right to be upset that we are still having our rehearsal this day. We tried to pick another time to have the rehearsal to accommodate them and it didn't work out so at this point we have to put our wedding first and the rehearsal is important and necessary for us. They have no right to be upset if our officiant can't make it to their wedding because he has to be at our rehearsal. I know they're close to him, but he's not officiating their wedding and if he was that important to them, they should have asked if their was anything conflicting with their new wedding date. We aren't the ones putting anyone in the situation to choose, the other couple is. On top of that, the other couple is technically already married so this won't even technically be a wedding. So for people to expect us to put our actual wedding events on hold to accommodate that is ridiculous to me.
In our circle, all the guys are like brothers. It's tradition for all the guys to get together and stay the night and hang out the night before someone's wedding. My fiance has been there for every single one of them the night before their weddings. Now none of them are going to be there for my fiance the night before his wedding since they're going to be out of town at the other wedding and won't get home until like midnight-2am or the next morning. I know it's made him kind of sad and I feel bad.
I'm normally not the type of person to care if people get married around the same time as me. I don't have to have all the spotlight. Get married the week before me, a few days before, the day after, I don't care. But this whole situation is too close and beyond rude not only to us but to our mutual friends who are now going to be exhausted for our wedding. And I really hope people stop judging us for proceeding with our wedding week as planned.
Has anyone ever been in a similar situation?
