Vent - Kids at Rehearsal Dinner

I wouldn't be too stressed. You offered a babysitter, and I feel like that was above and beyond.

Do they know the babysitter you have in mind? I know I would be uncomfortable having a stranger watching my kid but everyone is different.

She is a certified child-care provider. I don't think they know her because they usually use their parents as babysitters, but they are also invited to the dinner. Is it a thing to trust said babysitter at the reception but not for the dinner?

If you are upset that they might not come, I think you are wrong. It's the risk you run with an adults-only affair. But, you went above and beyond to accommodate them. It would be unfortunate if they chose not to attend, but nothing more than unfortunate.

Fair enough.

Certified or not, no stranger would watch my kid plain and simple. But it sounds like they are having the babysitter watch the child for the reception? Is the babysitter watching the child actually at the reception? That does seem a little funky but it's their choice as parents

Yes, the same babysitter we are offering will be at the reception. They have not expressed an issue with that.

If you have a babysitter for the reception, I assume the wedding is also adults only. Maybe this couple doesn't feel the need to have two adult nights out in a row. They aren't required to attend the rehearsal dinner. You offered a babysitter, they seem like they are going to decline that. Let it go.

Well you offered there's nothing else you can do, I would try not to get upset about it or just suck it up and let the child come

They have the option of the babysitter at the reception and she will be onsite. There is nowhere at the restaurant to host onsite babysitting for the rehearsal dinner.

People with kids, honestly, should expect to be responsible for their care on a night out, or they decline the RSVP.

Don't be upset that she's not coming; you've given her alternatives that don't suit her. that's all you can really do.

Aside from her posting on the FB page about it, I think you're both handling it well. You made a nice offer, and it sounds like the husband is up in the air now debating whether to stay home with the kids or go childcare route. That'll be his call, and you shouldnt be upset if he chooses not to come bc of the kids. Sounds like she's still coming and not making a big public stink so everyone is being an adult here. Maybe a bummer if he doesn't come, but that's just the consequence of a child free event-- nothing more you can do

EDited to fix stupid typo changing the whole meaning of my comment haha

Also to add:

There really is nothing to be upset about

I'm with Melissa. If schlotskys is catering your wedding, why would the rehearsal be fancy? And no offense, but a schlotskys catered wedding I would also assume kids could come to. I love their sandwiches, but a deli sandwiches meal doesn't often make for an adult night out worthy of paying a baby sitter.

And it doesn't seem like you know that they are planning on using the baby sitter at your wedding. They could have arranged someone else then. And I also agree there is a huge difference between watching on site and watching at another location particularly with someone they don't know.

I would never leave my child with someone I don't know. My son will be 7 next month and I have had 1 person outside of my family babysit him. If I am invited anywhere that is not kid friendly if I could not get a sitter I would not be going. Depending on what the situation is maybe FH or I would go alone. It sounds like she would like to attend and may attend without her H so I don't think you should be upset.

Our reception venue doesn't provide space for a formal sit-down dinner, and we kind of didn't want that anyway for the theme we selected. So my fiance wanted the fancy rehearsal dinner for our nearest and dearest friends/family who will participate in the wedding.

Kids are welcome and encouraged at the wedding reception. Many are choosing not to bring them, but they are welcome anyway. And she is going to bring her kids to the reception. I do know that.

$10 deli trays?

So the wedding is not adults only but the rehearsal dinner is. That's fine. But again, these people don't have to go to the rehearsal dinner. It really shouldn't upset you that they don't want to use your babysitter, or any babysitter.

Also I find it kind of strange that the formality of the rehearsal dinner and the wedding don't really match. If anything I would expect the rehearsal dinner to be more casual. But whatever.

It doesn’t provide the space for a formal sit down dinner? How is that even possible when you 100% need to have a seat for every person. Even if you are having a casual meal, people eating their food out of their laps (chairs with no table), standing at high cocktails, or otherwise is not okay. So I’m hoping you don’t mean that. But yes, if I was your friend (and being invited to the rehearsal, I assume she has a general idea of what your wedding will be like), I would also assume the rehearsal was going to be just as casual because otherwise, it seems pretty backwards. You’ve done all you can do by offering her options so it’s up to her as to whether she attends or not. Also, you said she should just use your caregiver at the RD because she’ll also be at the reception but that at your reception it’s an option to use the onsite child caregiver. She may opt not to use them. She also might have thought this was another optional event. We had four children at our wedding and they all had a blast in the party room. We had a separate room off our main room set up if any of them wanted to get away or fussed but none of them wanted to and we would have had no use for a child caregiver.

Parents need to be responsible for their own children. Your friend was wrong to assume it would be okay to bring her children simply because she failed to find a babysitter. If her husband needs to stay home with them, then so be it and you should not be upset if that is the case.

@wed18 It sounds like the parents are being responsible for their own children. They asked if children were allowed, when they were told no they changed their plans to accommodate.