Vendors who are friends

I don't expect gifts from anyone.

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That's great

Huh!? This is odd. First of all, search friendors on here. There are TONS of horror stories (latest was yesterday when a uncle/photographer hasn't gotten any pics back yet). Second, why would you expect a gift from someone you are contracting for a service? So much nope.

View Quoted Comment This this this.

There are lots of things that could go wrong with friendors. And you may not come out of it as friends.

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1. Friends who you support and would like to support by hiring them instead of giving money to strangers.

2. Friends who would have been invited and most likely given a gift even if you didn't hire them.

3. Of course you don't EXPECT anything from anyone but be realistic here, wedding etiquette the same way you don't attend a wedding.

4. Reason for asking is because I want to tell them don't worry about giving a gift or factoring that into a quoted price because iI'm here to support their business (as a friend) but I also don't want it to come off wrong

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Thanks for your response, i'm a supporter of those who support me. Those that I will use I trust and know well.

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I wouldn't mention a gift. I think that's in poor taste. If they get you something, thank them. If they don't, thank for for the service they provided.

Hope you arent one of the MANY people who regret hiring friendors. Best of luck.

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Maybe it's just me but this seems so negative. I've never even heard of the word "friendors" until this forum. I always thought whenever if ever I could support I would. To the vendor friends doing their friends wrong that's terrible. To the friends who support good work more kudos to community. This is really interesting to me...

-My make up artist was one of my best friends boyfriends, he’s a professional, I signed a contract and paid him the same rate any Bride or client would have paid him .. and tipped him more then I would have if I hired someone who I didn’t know probably... didn’t expect a gift from him becuase I didn’t expect gifts from any of my guests.
-my cousin was my DJ- he’s also a professional DJ, we signed a contract but he wouldn’t accept for us to pay him... he didn’t have to DJ much becuase we had a band, mainly just did some MCing and payed ceremony music.. we sent him a hefty amount as a thank you
-One guy on my husbands fire department is the lead singer of a band.. we hired them to play. Paid them they’re normal rate + tip pand signed a contract.. probably would have hired them even if we didn’t know the singer honestly.
We didn’t expect gifts from them or anyone and I would have never said “ hey instead of giving us a gift can you do this or this” .. we hired them the way we would have with any vendor. It worked great for us

Thank you. and just to be clear, it was never "hey do this instead of giving a gift" it's more I know they will give a gift and I want them not to (same like stated before, I want to treat them professionally) if that makes sense.

View Quoted Comment All the ones I used are people I would have hired regardless of a personal relationship. If you’re going to do it just go about it the right way, don’t expect a discount and make sure you have contracts Incase something does happen .. we all want to think our friends or family aren’t going to treat us bad but things happen

We had a couple of "friendors" (which I do generally recommend steering away from, you want your friends to enjoy your day!) and never mentioned anything about a gift to them. Neither gave a gift and we weren't surprised. One was our brass quintet (they wouldn't have been invited as guests anyway, but they are acquaintences as I am also a musician. They stayed for dinner and then left) and the other was our officiant, who would have been invited and also stayed as a guest. On the contrary we got them gifts as a thank you since the quintet under charged us and the officiant didn't charge at all.

I had friendors. They were people that would
not have been invited to the wedding, i paid them for their services, and were professionals. Everything was fine except for the bartender who supposedly a “professional”. My mother in law used her for my sister in laws wedding. Horrible!
Other than that we had a great experience. A friend acted as coordinator, obviously it was more stressful than if we had hired an actual coordinator. But everything was beautiful and day of I didn’t worry about anything.
We hired a DJ that my husband had worked with at a previous job, again a professional. He died a few months ago and hadn’t coordinated his schedule with his business partner so partner knew nothing of us. But that had nothing to do with being a friend. We got it worked out.
Our cake baker was an ex-coworker who
bales professionally on the side and it was beautiful and delicious!
The best part of using a friend, who’s a professional, is getting good prices.
I wouldn’t ask for services as a gift nor would I ask my guests to work my event. But if you know of someone who does something professionally that you need for your wedding I would ask about hiring them, as long as they wouldn’t be guests otherwise. I also wouldn’t expect gifts from them.

My hair and makeup are "friendors." My makeup is being done by my SIL. And I dont want anyone e else to do it, shes the only person I trust. She is giving my girls a small discount but is still being paid very well. My hair is a woman my brother went to high school with that I also know. She has worked weddings with my SIL, and I also trust her. I have contracts and dont expect anything other than their services that day, and of course my SIL is coming to the wedding.

I dont think hiring people that are friends or family is necessarily a bad thing, esp if they are 100% willing to do it. We never discussed gifts or anything like that, just the service, times, and prices. As long as you have a contract in place you should be fine. But even then, there have been people who have posted here who used family and friends as vendors and have gotten burned and it ruined the relationship. So tread carefully. If you're 100% positive it will be good, go for it! If you even have the slightest hesitation, I would say just keep them as a guest and hire someone else.

My photographer is a “Friendor” however she is also a professional photographer whom I am paying for her services and have a contract with. So far I think my photos look so much better than anything else I’ve seen in the area. I think the problem with friendors are when they are not professionals and expectations are not made clear through a contract. There is always some risk when hiring ANY vendor regardless of friendship status. I’ve seen just as many people on here have problems with professional vendors not following through or showing up as with friendors. The way I see it you would not discuss your expectation of a gift with any guest or vendor, so just don’t bring it up.

We’re hiring several friendors and they are professionals and we have contracts. They have discounts even tho we insisted not to, they will be heavily tipped and are encouraged to stay and party with all our friends. When they are done working.

Yes that’s what I’m hoping for also. Just don’t want the awkward “no you don’t have to give a gift, no take it, no keep it” ordeal lol