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Just Said Yes April 2022

Vaccine Requirement at Wedding

Mariamc, on January 12, 2022 at 8:15 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 8
My wedding is in Mexico in early April at a resort. I did a destination wedding bc my father is undocumented and I wanted my family to be together on my wedding day. At the time of planning this, I knew one of my closest and dearest friends, let’s call her Lisa, is antivax. However, I didn’t know that my mom would have cancer.


My mom has triple negative breast cancer which means it’s resistant to treatment. The way her chemo is going, there’s a good chance she could attend the wedding, but she’s going to make her decision last minute depending on the risk.
I’ve been wrestling on whether or not I should require all my guests to be vaccinated. I recently had a heart to heart with Lisa telling her that I was seriously considering requiring everyone to be vaccinated to protect my mom, which would exclude her and her husband. She said she would seriously consider it and get back to me.
Sadly, she feels too strongly against the vaccine. She said she and her husband would do everything necessary to be careful around my mom. I believe her, and know they’ll keep their distance, wear masks, etc. I also plan on having everyone take a rapid test when they arrive at resort, and the day of the wedding.
I always imagined Lisa by my side, taking pictures with her, having her help at the bridal suite. But I’m nervous of my Mom and Lisa being together. Lisa said she’s fine not participating in these events, to help protect my mom, but it makes me sad. Also, my Mom really wants Lisa there too, she loves her and she knows how close we are. She just wants Lisa and her husband to keep their distance. Since my Mom is fine with Lisa being unvaccinated, I wonder if I’m overthinking this.
Has anyone here been in a similar situation? Did you make a vaccine exception for a close friend or family member?

8 Comments

Latest activity by Wendy, on April 9, 2022 at 2:38 AM
  • Lindsay
    Savvy June 2023
    Lindsay ·
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    I have not been in this situation, but I would say that as a guest, I would feel quite misled if the couple had communicated a vaccine requirement and then made exceptions for certain people. Everybody is making a judgement call based on the level of risk they're comfortable with, and I would be upset that I made the decision to attend based on my understanding that everyone would be vaccinated and that was not the case.
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  • N
    Expert June 2021
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    Vaccines are great but they also take 14 days to protect after both doses and depending on when guests get vaxxed if it’s not enough time to allow for 14 days protection is not at its max and it also doesn’t prevent spread or safeguard guests completely. Omicron is a different beast. Also, with this new variant I would focus more on prevention of illness taking it back to the basics in early pandemic days. Mask wearing, hand washing, sanitizers. For my June wedding though it was before even delta I did require testing and vaccines were optional. I did household seating for the reception and ceremony so those you sit with you were already sharing germs with. I had covid friendly welcome bags with sanitizers, custom masks, hand wipes etc. I made sure all vendors were vaxxed and masked. I think it’s all in the little things we do to help prevent a spread that matter a lot too. With rapids missing a lot of cases due to the certain level of viral load needed to detect I would suggest testing multiple times with them the week of your wedding for guests or a more accurate pcr to detect low levels at the beginning of the week of your wedding followed by a rapid the day before or day of your wedding to get most accurate results for everyone. Encourage everyone to be forthcoming about their results if you decide to rely on their word alone. I opted to have all guests upload vax cards and test results to a Dropbox link the week of my wedding and had 100% cooperation. But if you take the word of guests then encourage them to be truthful about results. That there is no shame in being positive it’s super hard to avoid this variant and that’s okay if you couldn’t but to please not attend. My husband and I did a good job of ducking and dodging this virus for almost two years. Took every precaution so when he got infected last week he said he felt so ashamed and didn’t even want to let family know. But I encouraged him to let them know and help remove the shame. I can see how the stigma can prevent those from being truthful sometimes but guests need to know you need their honestly to especially protect your mom. And get her a really good N95
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  • D
    Dolores ·
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    I also haven't been in such a situation, but vaccine requirement is a must if you plan to invite parents and grandparents to your wedding, especially if they have such severe diseases. If your close friend is a true fried, they'll understand what motivates you to do this and find a solution. You do everything right.

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  • Tara
    VIP November 2016
    Tara ·
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    I would suggest having your mom consult with her doctor. Maybe they'll deem it acceptable for your friend and mom to be near each other if your friend tests negative. In all reality the vaccine doesn't keep you from transmitting the virus anyway, so even if your friend was vaccinated she could be putting your mom in the same jeopardy as if she wasn't. I would definitely leave it up to the medical professionals to help you make a decision though.

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  • Sydney
    Dedicated October 2021
    Sydney ·
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    This is tough! think how you will feel if your mom gets covid and it was bc of Lisa. Vaccine mandates are peace of mind! I was so much less stressed having a vaccine mandate at my wedding. And no one got sick Smiley smile it was before omicron though so vaccines were more assuring then. Yes breakthroughs can occur, but at least you did everything you could to prevent that. On the other hand, everyone who comes to the wedding (your mom included) is coming knowing it’s a calculated risk so if she is ok with it that is her decision. That being said, I would do everything in your power to reduce stress for yourself on your wedding day.
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  • MIWM
    VIP June 2019
    MIWM ·
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    These vaccines are not 100% and many people are getting covid being fully vaccinated with boosters. It's more on how you feel and up to you.

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  • M
    Just Said Yes April 2022
    Mariamc ·
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    Thanks all for your comments. This was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made, but I decided to require vaccines. My mom’s oncologist doesn’t want my mom to go at all, but if she does, she said my mom should be surrounded by only vaccinated people. I can’t control what happens during her travel, but I will do what I can protect my mom during my wedding events.
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    I know it's hard, but I agree you're doing the right thing. You can control who is at the wedding. Hope it goes well and everyone is healthy. My best to your mom!

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