Ushers vs. Bridesmaids

If they aren't BMs, don't require them to buy a dress. If they are BMs then treat them like BMs. Don't half-ass it because you don't want uneven numbers. Are you actually OCD? Or just anal? Some people who are OCD wouldn't appreciate using that diagnosis just because you can't tolerate an uneven bridal party (which there is nothing wrong with).

Well, the girls are thrilled to be a part, they still feel special so that is why. Our wedding is black tie, they are also thrilled to wear a gold dress to match also. They will be there the morning of the wedding getting ready with us- so, I figured getting them a robe would be normal protocol. Yes, I am OCD, anal and anxiety prone. I have changed things about a million times and I am an indecisive person when it comes to planning my wedding.

FOR REAL?! @samantha (name twin) do you have the link?

I don't understand how a gold dress is fitting "Black Tie". Black Tie is a number of things. Your reception is after 6pm, you have white glove service, top shelf alcohol, 5-7 course meal, passed appetisers, full band, Black tuxes for the gentlemen, cocktail dresses for the women, etc.

Also, the robes. Please don't make this their gift. Its a prop for your photos.

How are you requiring a dress for someone you couldn't even honor by asking them to be a bridesmaid?

Also- don't get cheap robes. Get nice ones. They are photo props, too, so you should get them something personal as well.

My bridesmaids are wearing gold sequin gowns, therefore I want the ushers to be matching my bridal party. My wedding is black tie, everyone will be in gowns and tuxes. We are having a 630pm ceremony, top shelf alcohol, a full blown cocktail hour, 5 course dinner, pretty much the works.

@OGKathryn definitely not their gifts, but thank you.

I'm sorry but this is pretty rude. "Love you, but it's uneven so you can show people to their seats, peasants."

Haha we had the works too and it was not black tie. properly hosting your guests is not black tie.

How do you plan to communicate to everyone that gowns/tuxs are necessary?

@elk unfortunately, I don't want my pictures to have 8 people on my side and 6 on his. I like everything to be even. These girls by all means were not upset about this. They were excited and they totally understand. They are genuinely good people who just get it. Also, I will be getting nice ones, there is not one thing that is cheap about my wedding. I am interested to see what the girl above got off of ebay before making my pricey purchase.

Oooh this thread could get good, people! This OP is fun!

Agreed with Jessie on the OCD terminology as well as "Black tie" and what that really means. Some people think it's just a phrase, but there is a certain standard and expectation of service when you call something Black Tie.

If you personalize robes, you should use their names instead of "bridesmaid". I wouldn't want to keep wearing something after I am no longer a bridesmaid if it had that plastered on it, but something with my name would be appreciated.

OCD does not mean having anxiety over the thought of an un even bridal party.

Male ushers wear suits or tux's most of the time so I don't see why female ushers couldn't match the BP. Maybe think about getting them corsages too.

Also, I actually am OCD. Which is why I don't really use it to mean anal ever because, well, that's not really OCD. OCD does not mean "I like even sides." That CAN be a form of it, but that isn't OCD and I'd recommend using correct terminology.

So numbers are more important than the living breathing people in your life.

Nice.

PS - a $5 ebay robe might as well be made out of polyester someone found in a dumpster, please at least try to do better than that

A live band, white glove service...there is more to "Black Tie" than a "dress code". What does your event planner at the venue tell you? The last Black Tie wedding I went to, every table had their own maitre d'. It was lovely.

Are your ushers coming to the RD? Are they getting ready with you?

Black tie, I don't think has anything to do with hosting my guests. I think alot of people want to wear gowns and tuxes but ultimately don't because they feel that the bride and groom may be upset. Naturally, not everyone will arrive in "black-tie" attire, but the option is open for those who want to. This has gone beyond the question which was getting them a robe for photos? Not a debate really of how it was wrong that I did this..... My 2 MOHs don't see anything wrong with this either.

Black tie is not a dress code.

I would be completely offended if I was asked to be a guest of "secondary" honor. I am interested as well to see how you are communicating your dress code to your guests.

@elk yes they will be at RD- one usher her 4 daughters are in my wedding. This is not about me being malicious because in fact, if you knew me you would know that I just want to include everyone who is close to me. However, it is unrealistic so I am finding places for people, I want them to feel special too.