Upsetting mom

My mom & I had a similar debate - I don't know her family - she isn't involved with them & I have a handful of memories with them & I don't want people at my wedding I don't really know. It's your day, you obviously feel strongly about this and I feel that people are responsible for their decisions in life & a little too late doesn't make up for that. My older brother has never involved himself with me well now that its the wedding my little brother who is my best friend has all of these roles & older brother doesn't & my mom told me he's kind of hurt but it is the way it is, you can't personalize that or make it your responsibility. your mom will be upset but she needs to focus on you & your day & move past the decision you made about your own life and your own wedding. if you are old enough to get married you are an adult and old enough to create boundaries on who gets to celebrate your love with you. good luck I know that's a really difficult position to be in.

First of all, I'd like to say that I'm impressed at how calm and rational and respectful you wrote this post. You could have been harsh (we would've all understood why!) but instead you were honest about your wishes. I say be as calm and respectful when informing all involved of your decision and leave it at that. Hopefully they can tell that you've thought it through and respect your wishes

I'll tell you from experience that I regret "doing it to make my mom happy"

I did NOT want to show anyone my wedding dress, other than my mom and bridesmaids and an aunt or two. My grandmother is extremely conservative. My dress is tight, and not extremely low-cut, but there is some cleavage. I did not want to hear my grandma's unwanted opinions about my dress. But I let my mom guilt me into it, and all my grandma did was point out every little thing about the dress that she didn't like or where it didn't fit perfectly (trying on the sample dress, not my actual dress yet, so of course it doesn't fit perfect!!!) and she made me feel absolutely terrible about myself.

Moral of the story: This day is not about anyone else and what they want. Make you and your husband happy. Forget the rest.

I would stick to your guns and not invite her. I understand your mom's point of view, it is her mom, but it's your wedding, and if you don't want her there don't invite her. It's your day to celebrate with your love and the people who support you and your relationship. This is now about you and your fiancee and starting your lives as a married couple together

Stick to your guns and support your FH by not opening up the flood gates again. If she cannot support you and your FH then she doesn't deserve to be there. I understand your moms position but I'm quite sure she knows that there is a toxic situation between you two and shouldn't be pressuring you to allow her to come.

Don't potentially ruin your happy day by allowing negativity to come around you!

Good Luck and keep us updated!

This is your special day and only people that respect you, your FH and the relationship you two have should be allowed to share that with you. Family or not, you are not obligated to invite anyone to your wedding. Your mom will get over it but will you if your grandmother comes and objects or causes a scene?

Kuddos to you being the mature one here in this situation. I would say stick to your decision. If you don't you'll only be rewarding her bad behavior. Why should you invite someone who has been nothing but vile to your future spouse? Family members like this can't pick and choose when they get to play nice.

My FH and I both aren't inviting family members because they don't know how to act. My aunt and cousins are just spiteful busybodies. And his grandparents have all but disowned him for no damn reason. And you know what? Neither one of us are regretting it one bit.

I wouldn't invite her. Tell your mom one last time that you have made up your mind and aren't inviting her and any time she tries to bring it up, either tell her you're done discussing it or change the subject. I just hope your mom doesn't go against your wishes and brings grandma anyways. Good luck

That's awful! I am sorry you have to deal with that. I think you have to do what is best for you and FH. Everyone says "oh it's your wedding" DO what you want...but I think we are all far enough along to know our choices come with potential consequences. Not everyone is going to like everything we choose and we cant make everyone happy. With that being said. Its your mom and your family and you sound a bit like me when it comes to family. Ready to give them all of your grace but knowing that doesn't mean you have to take their rudeness and hurt.

I think you and FH should have a conversation with Grandma before making any decisions. Sit her down one on one and say this is why we decided it was best if you didnt come. so, what has changed? Maybe she will surprise you!

I hope it works out for the best. Whatever that may mean for your wedding day! Good Luck love! Its never easy is it!

I am so sorry you are going through this right now.

My fiance's mother and his other siblings do not have a good relationship with his father's mother. We invited her to the wedding and the whole family was pissed. Our response...she is family and at some point you have to be an adult try to have some forgiveness and set drama aside to build a healthy relationship.

His grandmother is now in the hospital on her death bed. His one sister has so many regrets about the way she has shut her out of her life.

You don't want to look back on this experience when your grandmother has passed and realize that you don't have any photographs with her on the most important day of your life.

Maybe this event is what she needs to see to realize that even though you guys did it in an order she didn't agree with that the love and bond you share is real and she will be supportive from that point on?

But if you were never really very close to begin with and you don't think it will hinder the relationship you have with your mother then stick with your initial thoughts and don't invite her.

You may need to sit down and have a heart to heart with your mom. Tell her although you want to forgive your grandmother, you are also set in stone on this. She has already shown all your life how she will behave, and I doubt it will change, even for just a few hours your special day, all things considered. Be gentle but firm with your mom, and just tell her, you need her to stop insisting, as its only causing you more stress. You've made your decision, and that is all there is to it

It doesn't make you any less of an adult because your want to leave a toxic person out of your life. I know a lot of people might say "well she's family" but that doesn't mean she's healthy to be around. If she's been like this your whole life, it's unlikely she's going to change now.