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Chanique
Savvy June 2023

Upset Friends

Chanique, on January 20, 2023 at 3:21 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 18
I’m not for sure if I’m the only one with this issue, but how did anyone of you deal with friends being upset and or even being mad for not being a bridesmaid in your wedding?

18 Comments

Latest activity by Julija, on February 1, 2023 at 6:25 PM
  • Erin
    Super May 2022
    Erin ·
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    Hi Chanique! Very sorry you’re having to deal with this. No one is entitled or obligated to be included in someone’s wedding party. Unfortunately some people forget that this is something up to the couple and should be respected.


    If you have people coming to you, I’d simply say “My future spouse and I made decisions on our wedding party based on what is best for us, but we are very excited to have you as a guest at our wedding.” From there, feel free to leave the situation as is - don’t initiate conversations about it at later dates or explain why as they’re not owed any of that.
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  • Chanique
    Savvy June 2023
    Chanique ·
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    I have two of them that seem to want an explanation and I just simply laugh it off and tell them they should be happy I invited them. One of them was suppose to help me plan the wedding and has done nothing of the sort. The other was suppose help find things I need and also hasn’t done anything. So to me I'm at the point they have one more time to question me and they will just be watching the wedding from someone’s FB live
    #sorrynotsorry
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Wait, what? I get that it sucks they promised to help but haven't, but it's not realistic to expect people to help plan your wedding. That's not an obligation for the people in your life. The person to help you would be your FI and a paid wedding planner.

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  • Chanique
    Savvy June 2023
    Chanique ·
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    Well actually I didn’t ask for them to do anything for me. This is what they wanted to do for me as a friend.
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  • Jasmine
    Just Said Yes July 2023
    Jasmine ·
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    Girl, don’t be. My sisters are not in my bridesmaids party. It’ll be my daughter and three of my friends. I said that to say, it’s about you and your fiancé. It’s about what you want. It’s your day.
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  • Chanique
    Savvy June 2023
    Chanique ·
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    I didn’t know it was that serious to some people.
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  • Jasmine
    Just Said Yes July 2023
    Jasmine ·
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    Yes, it can get really out of hand.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    To be completely honest, we have never seen this in real life. Online there seems to be a huge pressure and belief that if you are not asked to participate as a bridesmaid then you are not a friend at all, because being a bridesmaid or having another role beyond a guest is the only way to honor someone as special to the couple. To the point where there are almost an equal number of bridesmaids to guests. In the same breath, they say that not everyone wants to participate as a bridesmaid due to bad experiences, so you can’t have it both ways.


    In real life, it’s much more common to not hinge the relationship/friendship on whether someone asks you to be a bridesmaid or not, so there are less feelings hurt. If someone gets mad that they aren’t asked, then they have deeper issues to deal with on their own time with a therapist. This is not something you need to fix.
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  • Chanique
    Savvy June 2023
    Chanique ·
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    Well put…you made it much more clear
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  • Julija
    Expert October 2023
    Julija ·
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    I haven't had that issue thankfully, but I know that if it did happen I would make sure to include them in planning things and possibly see if they would be interested in being an usher for the wedding instead. I'm paying for my girls' dresses, hair, and makeup so I can always say budget is my reasoning as to the size.

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  • Chanique
    Savvy June 2023
    Chanique ·
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    Well it’s crazy cause both of them just “put” themselves in charge of something of the wedding lol. Guess that wasn’t enough 🤷🏾‍♀️
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  • Julija
    Expert October 2023
    Julija ·
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    What did they put themselves in charge of?

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  • Chanique
    Savvy June 2023
    Chanique ·
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    One being the planner and the other one gathering items to make bouquets and my veil. Neither one of them fulfilled any of those obligations 😂
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  • Julija
    Expert October 2023
    Julija ·
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    Oi, that is insane.

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  • Chanique
    Savvy June 2023
    Chanique ·
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    It is what it is…the show will still go on
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  • Julija
    Expert October 2023
    Julija ·
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    That's fair, but like, if you put yourself in charge of something follow through. Also, make sure the bride wants things done that way. Like, idk, that's just a lot. Have you talked boundaries with them?

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  • Chanique
    Savvy June 2023
    Chanique ·
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    I just kinda laughed it off and said what about what you said you were going to do? 🦗


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  • Julija
    Expert October 2023
    Julija ·
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    Lol, valid.

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