Upset about moh not getting involved

I'm sorry to hear this! I would be upset too but unfortunately your MOH doesn't have to do anything but it would be nice for her to be a friend (nothing about the wedding). Its up to them how involved they want to be! Try not to take it so personally but maybe try to text her and set up a date just to hangout, ask how she is, etc. Idk. Its hard when people are busy dealing with there stuff too.

Sadly, nobody is going to be as excited for your wedding as you are. Although it hurts, your MOH might be going through something rough at the moment. Check in on her and see what's up! Hope everything goes well!

View Quoted Comment Thanks Amanda. Perhaps I have seen other brides having their MOH being so involved in their weddings and I thought that's the way it should be. But I know it's just because our relationship is not as close as others and I shouldn't expect the same thing. You are right, to have a friend is already good enough. And I do actually often text her but she's too busy to respond (I don't even know if the reason is busy since she doesn't even tell me if she is busy she just doesn't reply), so not to say hanging out. Even when we hang out she is always distracted by her phone and then suddenly she would say she has to go cos her boyfriend is waiting... I think I'm actually upset not because of how she doesn't ask anything about my wedding, but because she is so detached just all the time in recent 1 or 2 years. And I am upset that during this time when I am working on my wedding I finally realized that I don't really have friends, or I don't feel like anyone truly wants to be on my wedding. Indeed I know I am the only one who is excited about my wedding but I think I have never felt so alone until now that I am getting married but maybe that's "growing up" idk...

View Quoted Comment Thanks Cher. I understand that I am the only one who is excited about my wedding, so I have stopped texting her and the bridesmaid for a while. I am not even asking for opinions, not to say asking for help, since I feel like I am bothering them. I do care about what's going on with her but she never talks. As long as I know she's doing well with her boyfriend, that she is happy in her relationship, then I think I'd just give her space if she doesn't want to share what's going on with her life.. but I do think that she is influenced by her boyfriend so much and she just gives all her time to him and to his friends. It's like she doesn't have time to hang out with me and other girlfriends but she has been hanging out with his boyfriend and his friends all the time. Honestly I am upset about it but what should I say? And indeed the wedding thing just add up to it but I understand I should just get over it. But even not for the wedding, she's been like that. I do wish she could talk or share more but I can't force it...

View Quoted Comment I totally get that. I mean I know when I get time with my girls its great but you can really see who cares like I was getting addresses to send STDs and asked my work bff and she said basically not to waist time or money with her because she didn't to attend for personal reasons (anxiety, no date, "newly" single, etc.) And it stung but its her choice and I have to just let it be. I'm sorry you feel that way! I feel that way at my two jobs now so I understand. Just uae the time to focus on you and your FH's goals/dreams and future!

I feel you girl! My MOH backed out. I am very disappointed, don’t think I am going to even invite her sadly. She wanted to just be a guest for once.

I thought we were best friends but I guess she didn’t want to support me on my big day.

People do come and go in your life for a reason though. It sucks but maybe it’s for the best?....

View Quoted Comment Oh no.. why? She only said she wanted to be a guest? Should there be some other reasons? And you're not going to invite her? Yes it's really sad to know that you're probably going to lose a friend just when you are going to get married, which should be a happy thing and you hope to be surrounded by ppl. you love...

I have been thinking over about my friendship with my moh, and I think she just doesn't see me as her best friend and that's why she doesn't care. Yes I think this happens even though you were once so close with someone... but now your best friend just has other friends that she wants to care about and you are not one of them...

You know what, last year my moh cared so much about her friend being someone's moh who was not happy with the dress the bride chose. She kept telling me about how ugly that dress was and how angry she felt for her friend being forced to wear that ugly dress... when she was not the one wearing that dress and she was not even invited to that wedding. I don't even know her friends but I just kept listening to her so that she could vent her anger. I was just thinking if she could care so much about that, she should as well care a little bit more about my wedding since she is the moh this time! And I even let her choose whatever dress and colour she wants to wear to make sure she would be happy. I don't know what more I could do for her and honestly this is my wedding and I wish I could care about my own feelings more... parents and relatives' expectation of the venue, food, etc. has already stressed me out so much... I just thought a moh could at least be a good listener but it still seems so much to ask....

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Well it's a long story.

I asked her to be my matrine of honor in june, which she happily accepted. She then started planning my bachelorette party. If was fine and dandy until a couple weeks ago. I just found out that she is pregnant so I asked her couple times about the party; It doesn't have to be in Vegas. Like are you sure you wanna be planning a bachelorette there, we can do it somewhere else no problem. She was fine with it, said they have good food there! So then my fiances sister started texting her, asking details, giving tips and what not. So the way her sister's phone works is one long text message comes as a bunch of multiples. My MOH got frustrated, she asked if his sister could plan it i said sure no problem, drama happened and now neither of them wanted to come to the bachelorette party. I decided to cancel it then.

My MOH got frustrated with the whole situation. Was tired of being in another wedding and doing all this planning. So she then asked if she could not be my MOH anymore and for once just be a guest at a wedding. So I removed her of her title. Haven't heard anything back from her.

Side note, I was in her wedding that she had in Hawaii. Didn't complain once, it's her day not mine.

So the one time I need her, she bails. It sucked. As a couple we decided to uninvite her to our wedding. It's going to be totally awkward. We want to have happy supportive people around us, not drama.

But it kind of worked out for the best in a way. My fiance wanted his sister's to stand on his side and I get my brother and sister in a law to stand next to me and my best guy friend. So we now have mixed bridal parties.

But we gotta remember it is our day and we cannot please everyone!

View Quoted Comment Wow... it sounds like something happened between your fiance's sister and her? From an outsider's pov and from what you said, maybe your fiance's sister was a little bit pushy? You also said your moh was frustrated by the long messages and all the questions and suggestions and all... Has your moh been a moh on someone elses' wedding before? She has experience? If yes and if you trust her, it would be best that you leave the planning to her and not let your fiance's sister get in the way? But surely it's too late to say anything now but what is the reason for not even inviting her since she has requested to be a guest? Is it because of your fiance's sister? Sounds like she is not happy with your moh and doesn't want to see her... Just my first impression from reading your story and do you really want to lose your friend due to some drama between she and your fiance's sister? And since she is pregnant, it could have affected her emotions and be more easily triggered and frustrated... I think it's no harm to have her as a guest?

Yea sometime I also have some reflection myself: Is that something that I did? I also tend to send very long messages cos I want to tell the whole story, not realizing some ppl may not be interested. But you know, with men (also my fiance), they don't want to hear you giving too much details, so when I had problems with the wedding service provider (they provide dresses, makeup, photography etc. and it was a disaster), I turned to my moh and bridesmaid and texted them about what happened... moh never really responded. So maybe she was frustrated by all my complaints idk... but I wasn't even asking for help I just wanted someone to listen. Also I have decided not to have a bachelorette party at the very beginning and so there is nothing for her to do or plan for me. And I was very worried about the girls not having a nice dress to wear when I couldn't find a nice wedding dress from the provider I hired, so in June I started to ask them to choose their dresses (I let them choose whatever dress and colour they want, not even has to match with mine nor each others' cos I want to make sure they feel good on what they're going to wear, I don't care about the "colour theme"), but they seemed so reluctant to go look for a dress and said it was too early to start since it was half a year away from my wedding. I don't know why they're like this cos I was only asking them to choose their dresses and what was so hard about it? Maybe they think I'm pushy too. But for all the years I have known them I know they are not decision-makers, they are very reluctant and slow in making decisions, so I worried if I ask them to choose their dresses only 3 months away from wedding, they may not have enough time to pick and decide what they actually like, not to say after buying the dresses they may still need to make alteration and all... But yes what turned out is that I am being pushy, and I feel like I shouldn't text them about anything about my wedding when they were like this while it was about choosing their dresses.

Daughter had a maid of honor, a matron of honor, and three BMs. Four of the five of them live out of state. She considers them all VERY close friends, but they are all super busy with their own lives. None of them shopped with her for anything. For years she's had a "Facetime date" most weeks with her matron of honor who lives 1500 miles away, but with the others, communication is always sporadic at best and that was the same during the wedding planning. However, they were all amazing for the 2-3 days they were all together before and through the wedding, and that was plenty for her. I think the media (including apps like WW) often depict pretty unrealistic examples of wedding parties.

My best friend of a million years is my MOH and at the beginning of planning I was really stressed out and venting to her or just asking for opinions and my texts would go unanswered. It hurt my feelings a lot and i'm not 100% sure why she was being that way. But I ended up just telling her straight out how I was feeling and she apologized and it completely changed, she's been a great MOH since then.

View Quoted Comment Thanks for sharing. I managed to tell my fiance straight out after we had a little conflict on some wedding related matters... but I have to admit that I am not good at communication cos I only managed to really talk to him what I was upset one week after we had the conflict... I know it would be better for me to tell my moh how I feel instead of being upset on my own..

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Yeah they didn’t see eye to eye and the sister said she was very rude. It was a big ordeal I guess. But you would think since we’re good friends she would have messaged me saying I’m sorry or check up on me? I mean she bailed on me, on my day.

Yes she had been a MOH before.i know of one time maybe a couple other times. She is stressing me out though. My heart and brain our having an argument lol. I’m going to talk with another one of my bridesmaids and see if she has some insight.

View Quoted Comment Sorry to hear that... but I guess her pregnancy is affecting her, the hormones and stuff? I don't know. But of course I can understand how upset you're when she suddenly quit being the moh while she has promised at the beginning. But I would feel pity if you're really gonna lose a friend... I mean, even though I say I'm upset about my moh, and I'm also not happy that she always prioritize her boyfriend (Iike even if we hang out, she would leave half way through to meet her boyfriend really ...), but still, I don't want to lose a friend. Maybe she won't be my best friend anymore, and I'm quite sure I'm already not her best friend, but still we can be friends. I really don't know what's is worse or weirder, for you to uninvite her as guest even though she requested so, or to let her come to your wedding anyway but having some awkward moments... really hard to decide. Yes please do talk to your bridesmaids, I wish for best outcome for you and for wedding~

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Yeah but that extreme?! I know I don’t wanna lose a friend but then I could have an awkward wedding. What if drama happened at my wedding because I invited her ya know? It’s a very hard decision, I hope I can make the right one, so to speak.

Well thank you for letting me vent!

I hope everything works with you and your friend.

Congratulations on your wedding, it’s going to be wonderful! 😊😊