UPDATE! Rehearsal Dinner - MY FIRST RANT ON FUTURE INLAWS

Continued - She proceeded to tell me she would have to pay for all her son's hotel rooms for an extra night. They are all adults with families, I think they can pay for themselves. She also said it would not matter about FH's bachelor party which is also that weekend. FH said not to listen to his crazy parents and that we would be having a regular rehearsal dinner. They are causing my unnecessary stress. It is unbelievable to be so inconsiderate of my family!

I told them if my grandmother wasnt invited I was not going!

They also suggested having people carry my grandmother up two flights of narrow stairs. Again, how insensitive. Really....who are you!

Wow, you FILs are crazy! Pay for it yourself and go where you want with who you want there.

I would say...

"FH and I have agreed that we would like to have the rehersal dinner at (location) on (date). This works best for our plans to include the most important people in our lives. If you are still OK to cover the costs of the evening that would be greatly appreciated, however if you are not able to, we fully understand."

@LetItSnow - That is good. I told my mom about it and my family is fabulous. She said they would take care of it if they had too. Its disgusting!

Pay for it yourself and order pizza!

I agree with LetItSnow...

It really FH's father saying all this. He hasnt been involved at all in the wedding and the minute we said rehearsal dinner its like he has been involved from the beginning. He is delusional. When we first started talking about my grandma he told me we would figure it out cause it is 5 months away. I looked at him and said ummm its 3 months. DELUSIONAL!

Wow-o-wow!

Choosing an non-handicap accessible location is completely unacceptable. It is also very strange that they are trying to do it a full week before the wedding especially since you have OOT guests/family members.

I would do what LetItSnow said and say something along those lines.

Instead of just suggesting one venue though - I would suggest a lower cost place as well as a higher priced place - that way your FILs won't think you aren't allowing them to "plan" the rehersal dinner.

Funny thing is that I have found a location allowing us to make our own menu to lower the cost. FMIL, up until this week, was saying we should have it at a place with a huge minimum cost. It makes no logical sense.

That Is discriminatory. If this was my grandmother I would be LIVID. Sounds like they want to have it so far in advance to avoid not hosting OOT guests. When I had a problem with my In laws for our rehearsal I reminded them that this was a small aspect of the wedding and is literally all they were responsible for from the beginning. A wedding is about everyone coming together and should value compromise. They need to realize that this is about you and your fiancé and not what is convenient for them.

@mc4dj13 - They are absolutely doing it to avoid inviting out of towners which happen to include my brother and grandfather...

That is crazy. I agree with LetItSnow. "We appreciate your offer to organize the rehearsal dinner, but it is very important for us to have these specific people in attendance. This requires us to have it in this date/time range and the venue must meet these requirements. If there is anything we can do to help you plan it with all this in mind, please let me know."

If they still plan it a week in advance, I would let them go ahead and plan it. However, I would still schedule the rehearsal when everyone can be in attendance, and I would organize your own dinner for the evening after the rehearsal. They might get mad, but if they won't listen to you this might be the best solution.

Yea i really think you should listen to those suggested paying for it yourself. it will save you a lot of drama

I hope they come around or that this can be worked out PEACEFULLY. That's ridiculous. "Kick granny off the guest list because we aren't paying for anything that's wheelchair accessible!" Are you KIDDING me? That's insane.

Use the lines that LetItSnow came up with and call it a day. The sucky about getting married is you marry their family, too! Bleh.

Awww.. this is terrible. There would be no way that my grandmother would be carried or excluded or any my family having to miss it because of there convenience! I am glad you are going to put your foot down.

I just don't get it!

i was a two month widow when my son got married. i researched and planned and got both son and dil's ok on a dinner in another state that covered spouses and s.o.s of the bridal party, out of town guests, dietary restrictions and more. i was honored to do this small thing.

then i gave one of the bridesmaids some cash and told her to go buy some liquor and have a party in one of their rooms and i was going to bed. i heard it was quite a party!

I say pay for everything yourself - that way you don't have to cater to anyone or owe anyone anything. When money is involved people feel entitled. Since my fiance and I are both financially stable and in our late 20s we don't need our parents money and will be paying for everything.

The part I can't believe about this is that they're willing to exclude their own son.. and the thing with your grandmother, that's crazy. my in-laws (MIL in particular) did all the planning for the rehearsal dinner (she picked the restaurant, menu, etc) but she specifically asked me about the guest list, dietary restrictions and whether we needed handicapped accessibility. I don't think it's unreasonable that you get a say in those things. If they can't afford to do it at a really expensive place, then change the location.. don't exclude your grandmother.