Update on sil

I think that your expectations aren’t realistic. I have never heard of bridesmaids being asked to pay for their own flowers! That’s something that is your obligation as the hosts to provide. Before kicking anyone out, take a look at what you’ve been asking for. It’s not her being unreasonable to not want to pay for something that’s your responsibility.

What in the world?!?! Why would your bridesmaids need to pay for flowers for YOUR wedding? That's ridiculous. It's your responsibility to pay for the flowers for your wedding.

What?! You are incredibly out of line. The flowers are your sole responsibility, not her obligation. That goes for all your bridesmaids. And as long as she gets to the church on time it works. If she’s not in a few getting ready photos, oh well. It’s not essential. You should let all this go.

OK, so that's a no. Why are you asking them to pay for flowers? The wedding party is not responsible for planning or paying for any part of the wedding. They also aren't obligated to pay for professional hair, makeup or nails.

The only thing she needs to buy is a dress and show up. That's it. That's all.

You've alienated her now with your expectations. General hinting in the group chat about dropping out just seems weird. At this point, I'd sincerely apologize to her, and back off. Let your FI deal with his family.

The flowers are not something that the wedding party pays for. The couple getting married is responsible for covering that cost. Even if it's only $10 per bridesmaid, that cost is still your responsibility. I would definitely not kick her out of the wedding party over this, and instead recommend that you apologize and try to repair your friendship with her.

Stop with with the hints. You will have no one to blame but yourself when the "hint" isn't taken and you're disappointed in the outcome. If you want something to happen, adult up and communicate it, but be prepared.

The flowers are your responsibility. Doesn't matter how much or how little they cost.

I didn't really understand the driving commitment in your last post. As long as she's at the church, on time, and ready to go, great.

Fiancé:
Here to clear up some misconceptions. The flower arrangement the bridal party suggested the idea. Everyone agreed with it no problems except for my sister. She's the youngest and only daughter of four kids from my family so she has been spoiled our entire chilhood. She also has a volatile temper and is prone to violence. She's asked my future wife to drive to another city that's an hour away from our home to pick her up and take her to the church that is about twenty-five minutes in the opposite direction of our home on the day of the wedding and take her back home. My fiancée will be busy that day getting ready of course and so will I. The flower arrangements, again were the bridal party's idea and insisted on it. We would have been fine with her not paying for the flowers if she hadn't used her cosmetic expenses as an excuse for her not paying. She's doing everything professionally even though it's not required especially when she is capable of doing her hair and makeup herself. And since she thought money was going to be a problem with some people, my fiancée has offered to do hair and makeup for her bridemaids and even found flattering but affordable dresses that they might like. But my sister declined all this while still making money an issue.

View Quoted Comment The point is you should have turned down any suggestion that they pay toward their flowers. You also have no right to judge FSIL for prioritizing her own hair and makeup over something that is your responsibility in full.


Again, transportation is her problem to figure out, not yours. Everything else you say about her may be true but she’s simply not wrong about the money, you are.

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Sorry, is this the fiancé speaking now? This is a little confusing.

It's none of your business where the SIL spends her money. Her cosmetics are more important to her than your flowers, and that's OK. I have a hard time with everyone "insisting" on buying your flowers for the wedding, I wonder if you've misinterpreted. It's just not what should be expected.

Your fiancé can just say "no" to driving your sister around, it's a complete sentence. End of story.

Stop asking people for money.

View Quoted Comment If everyone else wanted to give you the gift of paying for their own flowers (weird, but I’ll take your word for it), that’s fine. But SIL didn’t want to, and you can’t force her to give you a gift. Bridesmaids aren’t a monolithic group, and some agreeing to give a certain gift doesn’t bind the whole group. She’s paying for something that’s her responsibility (her own hair/makeup) and declining to pay for something that’s yours (the flowers). There’s nothing wrong in that.


Just because you/your fiancée (I’m confused who’s speaking) offered to do her hair and makeup doesn’t mean she has to accept. Maybe she prefers the look she gets from her regular person. Maybe she doesn’t like how you do it. Doesn’t matter. She isn’t obligated to take you up on it, no matter how much you dislike her reasons.
On the transportation, just tell her no and the time she needs to show up. The rest is on her.

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Sorry, I realize PP are right. It sounds as if you are the FI posting on your fiancee's thread. How did the bridesmaids even know the bouquets were $10 out of budget in the first place? And why would your fiancee have accepted?

I agree with the others that it’s kinda wack to expect the bridesmaids to chip in for flowers.. having said that, I don’t think $10 is really a big deal, especially if the bridesmaids are not having to spend a lot of money on things like the bachelorette and bridal shower. I also don’t think that dropping hints is a good idea. I would just be direct.


Having said that, it does sound like she is really difficult to deal with - I saw your other thread w the dresses and some of the ones she wanted to wear were downright disrespectful for a wedding lol. Telling you she’ll get to the church when she gets there is mad disrespectful. Blocking you when she is going to be in your wedding is pretty weird and passive aggressive (although dropping hints about dropping out is also passive aggressive, in fairness) and does not indicate that she has much interest in working this out. It seems like she feels some kind of way about the wedding or her role in it, and has felt this way the whole time so she’s being passive aggressive. You should be the bigger person and stop meeting her at her level imo - I would just make a decision with your fiance at this point (since it sounds like you two are on the same page regarding her behavior) as to whether you still feel it’s a good idea for her to be in the BP. Let her know in a direct manner, and both of you stand by ur decision in the future.